What should i do?

why can't I just have normal ups and downs? I get depression followed by mania.... i have mixed episodes more than I have just plain depression and I never get mania without it being dysphoric... by that I mean mixed with depression and full of irritability and anger.

I AM TIRED NOW. THIS HAS TO END! HAS TO STOP!
I AM AT THE END OF MY ABILITIES AND I HAVE NO OPTIONS.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?

I was symptom free for a while and loved it. now i am having an episode again and I can't do this again.

Hang in there Dan, you can handle it just let go and realize you can't control it so just let it go. Do what you have to do to care for yourself. Take care buddy

i start to get control and then i lose it again. I'm tired clint. i really am too tired

I understand bud but you gotta hold in there, you can do it your strong you've proved that before. I know your tired and worn out wih it all but it will get better. Swings suck and can be dangerous so if you start feeling Sui then go to the hospital ASAP.

thats the thing. I can't go to the hospital. my wife would never uderstand and i got two kids and a business with a partner. i would lose everything. i am trapped. but that's okay. i don't want to dump any more on here than i have already. nothing is okay and i am used to that. your right, i just need to accept it and stop trying to convince myself that anything will ever be okay. i don't want to ask for help any more than i already have. ugh!

just forget it.... i'm out

I know how your feeling and its a rough place to be in. I hope for things to get better for you soon and please if you start feeling worse go to the hospital. Take care

Just hang in there friend. Nothing wrong with asking for help that's why we are here

Dan I dont think Clint meant give up...Its easier to swim WITH the current, & for me, that saying has helped a great deal with swings and episodes. Being stuck, not being able to get out of work, sometimes its a good thing, sometimes. Coz it forces us to push further than we knew we could, I find that true for me atm. I thought I would be institutionalized if I returned to work last week, but you know what?After a few ****** days it got better, I GOT better, I'm stronger than I knew, and so are you

I am sorry you're in a lousy place. I also get really irritable and mean when I'm manic. Try to stay away from added stressors in your life. Try to get 8 hours of sleep, drink lots of water & stay away from alcohol or loads of coffee.

Can you take a medical leave from work? Because of HIPPA laws they can't ask why or what your problem is I'm pretty sure.

Peace & Hugs,

TnT

I feel you, my friend. I've described this as like a demon attacking me trying to ruin everything. Sometimes I swear there is something in the room with me and I'll yell at it just to confront this condition. I have found that distracting myself by doing something that taps your logical side of the brain helps. Try soduku (sp?) puzzles for a few minutes if it's getting really bad. I know it's hard for outsiders to understand so you might need to say I need a break and take five, ten, half hour as needed. Just be sure your alone time is somewhere safe away from self-harm temptations. We will persevere through this.

Jim

No I def did not mean give up just let go of yourself a little bit, loosen those chains thy weigh you down. Just let life take you where it will and enjoy the ride!