[Tamoneko]

Hello people I really apologize if this is not the appropriate place and form for this but I hope you understand me.

The thing is, I've been reading about bipolar quite often lately and I'm freaked out that I might have it

I would gladly visit a psychiatrist and get a full diagnosis but I cannot do it for some time, and till then I would really appreciate it if you could help me just for now by telling me if you think I'm bipolar or not in your opinion (don't worry you won't hurt me if you say that you think I have Bipolar I'm not a quitter never was, never will so please be honest!!!)

My symptoms are the following:

Phisical:
-Something like a mild Nail psoriasis on my lefthand index finger and my righthand pinky. It passed within several months.
-Last year I had some mild skin rushes around joints (dermatologist said it is probably just a winter eczema), but it passed after a year and this winter it didn't appear.
-Feeling exhausted 90% of the time
-Increased need for sleep

Mental:
-Foggy mind. I like to describe it as "feeling less awake than normal". It was like that basically since 15 years old and now I am 24
-Being the most sore loser in the whole world, guaranteed!
-Intensive anger. At the moments of extreme anger I am a completely different person, I almost bite
-Irritation, easily getting annoyed
-Tiredness, lack of energy and will
-Depression, lack of motivation, feeling empty
-Anxiety
-Weird feelings, not feeling like myself, feeling like my feelings have been completely mixed. I experience it mostly at times when I wake up in the middle of the night. (this is not happening as frequent as other symptoms but when it does, it is one of the worst feelings I've ever felt).
-Stressing a lot over both important and unimportant things all the time
-Being paranoid
-Hypersensitivity
-Sex drive sometimes goes through the roof, and that's an understatement. It's so impulsive and incredibly hard to control. Very rarely these days my sex drive becomes low, and when it does I feel like I'm 90% healthy (that might prove that this is my main problem and my biggest worry).
-Losing interest in something that I enjoyed just weeks ago! and then it comes back eventually, but then it fades again.

So I definitely must say I have mood swings I have lows as well as those inspired, motivated, ambitious days BUT I can never remember a single time in my life where I have felt "out of control" or "weird" of how happy I am or anything like that, just simply happy and normal.
I just wouldn't call any of my happy times "manic", "hypomanic" in any way.

Now, some of my lows are due to me being paranoid about my obviously possible sex addiction / bipolar, and some come just like that out of nowhere (that's mostly related to the symptom I bolded up).
I think it might simply have to do with the reaction of my brain to repressing from almost all sexual activities for couple of months now, since those strong anxiety attacks started about that time.

Also all bipolars that I've met so far have high sex drive when feeling happy and low sex drive when feeling depressed...for me it is opposite, when I feel depressed and anxious my sex drive is INSANEEEEE!
However when I feel happy and 100% myself again, my sex drive is very small (I wish I was like that always).

Last month I decided seriously to repress and calm even the damn adrenalin I feel in my stomach when I think of something sexually stimulating and since then I had few severe anxiety attacks (precisely the one bolded up in the list of my symptoms)

So I hope you can answer me, if I'm just a sex addict who's organism and brain are reacting to a sudden deficit of sexual chemicals, or am I bipolar who has been self treating my lows by abusing sex all this time? Or both?

I WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR OPINION SOOOOO MUCH! WHOEVER YOU ARE!

Thanks!

[Trippin2.0]

I have zero concentration span, right now, so cant go into detail, but I just wanted to say you cant have bi (2) polar without both sides of the coin... Most of what you described above doesn't sound like my bipolar 'symptoms', also, its hard to give an opinion when the facts have no background, eg, are you easily annoyed and irritated, or is it only present during a certain mood state? Everyone has moodswings, bipolar is much more than moodswings ...but then I'm not a doctor am I?

[Tamoneko]

Thanks Trippin for your opinion a lot! It means to me so much!

And yeah I understand you about the concentration thing, its one of my symptoms too, but I forgot to write it, will edit it now

[Tamoneko]

Thanks Trippin for your opinion a lot! It means to me so much!

And yeah I understand you about the concentration thing, its one of my symptoms too, and my memory lately is drastically worse! But I forgot to write those two symptoms.

[BlackPup]

Hypomanias can be subtle and hard to pick. It's best left to the experts to diagnose you. Can you talk to a therapist about what you are feeling when you have those episodes of hypersexuality.
Definitely think a psychiatrist would help.

[faerie_moon_x]

Trippin is right. The whole point of bipolar is it's two extremes, swinging you like a pendulum.

But, I advise you keep a mood tracker, because if you're feeling "mixed" then it would be harder to tell what is manic and what is not. So, I suggest optimism online because you can customize it. I have mine set up with two track bars for mood. One is "elevation" or "speed," so if I"m feeling too fast or too slow. Because mania makes me race. But then I can be racing and feel depressed. So my other tracker is "dysphoria-euphoria." Then you can track all your triggers, sleep, etc....

[Tamoneko]

Thank you sooo much people for being so good and helping me out! Sharing your own descriptions of how you feel means so much to me!

I do keep track of my mood for pretty long time now, but I just don't seem to have difference in the mind speed itself...its hard to describe...I mean my brain definitely performs faster and better at times and at some other times it is really bad. But I wouldn't say I ever had uncontrollable racing thoughts or something like that. So I'd say its not about speed itself its probably about focus and concentration.

I also found one very precise indication of my lows and that's that, at times I'm depressed I am literally twice or even trice less fluent with English (English is not my native language, but sometimes I speak pretty well and some other times I stuck after every 3 darn words )

The more I think of all of this the more I think I may be ADD instead of Bipolar, which is encouraging in some way...I guess.

I know it might sound weird to some of you since I'm a healthy 24 years old heterosexual male, but I honestly HATE MY HYPERSEXUAL DAYS! I DESPISE THEM FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY SOUL! And if I had a choice between becoming a complete clinical asexual and staying this way I wouldn't think twice about choosing the first option.

Is there any prominent hint that you can give me, any "A MUST HAVE" symptom of Bipolar that you can remember? Like for example, spending money recklessly at least once? Or anything?
Because I just don't seem to have any of it, I was always in control of myself...the only control related problem for me is hypersexuality (which I have been fighting against and suppressing by LOADS and LOOOOOAAAADS of mental-torturing willpower that even I don't know where I get it from). And don't forget that most of the times I experience hypersexuality when I am depressed, and when I feel well and happy again my sex drive seems to be low or even barely present.

"Must have" is actually a number of things as the threshold for a diagnosis (ie. not one "for sure" symptom). I started writing a response when you first posted, but didn't finish (sorry!). The gist of it was about the curious mix of hypersexuality and depression. I wondered if it was a self-esteem thing as opposed to depression per se. Is this a possibility? When one's self-esteem is very bad, it's not unusual to look for outside validation, and it's also not all that unusual for it to be in the form of sex. But of course that feeling of validation doesn't last long and then another is sought, a pattern which can get rather out of hand. Don't know if there's anything there -- might be a stretch. It'd definitely be worth talking to a professional -- especially as it bothers you so much.

Your English is very good, btw.

[Odee]

Don't be afraid of receiving a bipolar disorder diagnosis, especially if you have recieved failed treatment in the past for how you feel. A correct diagnosis is the path to therapeutic success.

It's possible to experience mixed episodes, something I suspect that I experience instead of the manias and hypomanias as I have never experienced a clear case of either. Anxiety and anger can easily be part of a unipolar depression but can also be indicators of 'manic' qualities in a difficult to discern bipolar disorder. The mixed episode could explain how you feel very sexual during periods of depression or maybe it's some strange reaction in your brain resulting from the physiological effects of the depression, as though you were brain were trying to jump start other aspects of your mood.

If it means anything, my sex drive seems to be completely independent from my moods. I have felt down and sleepy lately but that doesn't change that I really want to go at it. I've felt great and happy and could feel either way, and depression doesn't seem to stop me.

[Tamoneko]

Thank you so much Innerzone and Odee! Your comments are very helpful! And thank you for the complements Innerzone.

I wondered if it was a self-esteem thing as opposed to depression per se. Is this a possibility? When one's self-esteem is very bad, it's not unusual to look for outside validation

I would say that that's the last thing that would be the cause of my high sex drive...As a matter of fact if it wasn't for that WRETCHED SEX DRIVE I would be very very satisfied with myself.
I never ever thought of sex as a way of someone accepting me. As a matter of fact I never looked at sex as anything really truly good/nice/beautiful/positive at all I swear I think I should have been born as an asexual, left only with that romantic side of emotions, and zero sexual urges.

Also I would kill you all if you found out who I am :P that's how embarrassed I am of talking about this in public!

Anyway, my sex drive is heavily visual most of the time. Its just too instinct based...for example if I see, lets say, a gifted girls' lower body (especially in some certain position) my adrenalin instantly sparks sooo high, it feels almost like a small electrocution inside my stomach! (sensation intensity is equivalent to a strong unexpected slap in the face).
Could it be that I'm hooked onto my own adrenalin??? You all have no clue how much willpower I need to fight these urges, I really give my best every day, it is a torture

I have never visited a psychologist/psychiatrist before, but I am convinced that there's a lot of wrong with me. Not sure if its all just a consequence of worrying over my high sex drive or are things a bit more complicated.