Need help making a realistic goal

The last few months I have been in a lot of pain, the lupus type variety. This month has been really bad, probably the worst as far as that goes, so I have been slacking on the yoga and everything else pretty much. then my mother and all that stress and just life stress. Now I find myself in a really weird mental space, not a very good one.

What I asked for christmas was for yoga, I have been having a hard time paying for it. My bf got me three months unlimited, and I am so greatful for that.

I was thinking if I start on the 1st it is the new year. I could start the new year with another 90 day challenge. If I did that I would be able to catch up to where I was and maybe even deepen my practice further. Also I wanted to do the competition for my province that I removed myself from, and I would be able to do that this year. It could be a good way to start the year off and turn this around. Is what I am thinking. But the challenge is also a hard one considering I have kids, a job now, and demands. Then again should I let that stop me from doing this for myself? If I tell myself that it is too much for me I feel like I set limits on my abilities, that is my old ways creeping back in.

But is that a realistic challenge? Is it too much, or should I just try to set my mind to the doing. Right now I don't feel like moving because my body is so inflamed, walking to the kitchen seems to hard. But I am not happy to remain like this. My work has been extremely hard like this. I have lost a lot of weight and now am again quite underweight, my muscles have left or been eaten by my body, I have not been eating. I feel weak and just sliding back to old ways. yeasterday I realized I worked 9 hours, we are severly understaffed, my job is so physical and all I ate was a 200 calorie raw food biscut thing. I don't want to think about what I ate this month.

I am sorry I have been so silent lately, I am still reading and care about you all, I just have been retreating inward, and feeling like defeated in ability to give proper support. mentally overwhelmed ..

I should add that I only work 2 days a week, rarely three. I don't know why taking an hour and a half to myself each day seems selfish.

Anika

This is a difficult situation for anyone with a chronic physical illness that can effect there ability to chase dreams and set up goals and dead lines.

I think first and foremost you need to focus on feeling better physically, you need self care to calm your body and you need food to nourish it. Stress as you know is one of the biggest triggers for Lupus. So holidays and mom and work and all the other 16,984 things your mind was going through has taken its toll..

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Try to not focus on things you just cant do right now, put your focus on calming your body which in turn will calm your mind.

Don't beat yourself up, get back on track eating well, Doing your yoga will probably make you feel better , just go slow , Don't push your body to extremes right now. Self care now will allow the imflamation to lessen which will bring "you" back in balance.

I'm sorry and know that I am here for you

I am sorry you are going through such difficult times, Anika. I know what my GP would have said to me - she would have said that unless I consume 1800 cal daily, the 90-day challenge is not realistic. But you have a small frame so the minimum for you must be lower, but still ove one thousand calories a day for sure.

Anika
You are not selfish at all for wanting some time for yourself ! Everyone needs
it.
Take some time to do what YOU want to do daily.

First things first, get things right with yourself. Before you can even consider doing any challenge thing, you gotta get your body and mind well. Once your body and mind get back into healthy harmony with one another, then the sky is the limit on how you can challenge yourself. Until then, however, I feel pursuing such a challenge will only end in further physical deterioration and/or dissappointment. Not to mention potential for a total mental catastrophe. Sorta like trying to run a marathon on no sleep and with pneumonia, not a great idea.

Hope you get well soon, Anika Thoughts and prayers go out to you my dear ~Phil

Ok so I will not do the challenge right now. No I dont want to be dissapointed. Weird is that I feel the need to gain sone weight back.. So progress right?

I know the yoga will increase my hunger and improve my body image. Have to get back to appreciating it for its strength. It will also help me get back to improving my mental state.

So I think instead of setting such a hard goal, my goal will be to at least try to go everyday based on my actual ability to do so. I know I have a bit of a type a personality. I know even if I try not to push so hard that its very hard for me to hold back. Yup remembering hamstring torn in three places and all the bleeding. I will try to pace myself appropriatly. I just want to feel better... Need some patience.

Thanks for your advice Christina..Phil.. Hammy.. I promise I will try to heed it! Love you all.

Sliding so much feels like failure for myself. I don't want to begin this year in that mindset. I know that is not the best way to percieve such things... Working on it.

And i am so sorry for being so quiet here, it really feels weird to be asking for advice when i can barely muster up to post anything at all. Really such a weird headspace for me... Silent. I feel extremly withdrawn from life at the moment. That would be depression right.. I am trying to fight it. i really love you all.

Anika Please Please do not feel bad reaching out for help here. Its a give and take. You have helped me so much I can not begin to thank you enough. I'm here anytime for you.

Love you

Hello Anika,

Want to say Hi, hello!!!...giftwrapped a present just for you...Now tear it Open..."Jesus, I pray that you show Anika Your Will and Grace..Bless her with loving strenght and determination. Hold her in Your Arms And carry her until she's able..Your Will be Done. Please take care of yourself...your kids need you..

So sorry you're not feeling well, Anika -- and in several regards no less.
I think the goal you set (post #7) to simply do it as you can is a good one. Balanced. Agree that "must" would be too harsh, and set you up for a worse mental state. I totally relate to your trait of finding it very hard to hold back and not go at something full bore. Like being naturally wired to walk fast (and pretty far). It is so hard not to gravitate to it out of default! But I no longer can. It's not laziness. I desperately want to be able to still do it.

Though obviously not like lupus, my hip has recently taught me something (well, it's trying to anyway). Is is:
Slacking and not being able to are two very different things.

It's so hard to accept that what was physically no big deal before is a very big deal now. But what would it prove to push it too hard because of a stubborn and unrealistic "should" attitude only to land back in the ER? Still working on where the line is between effort that is positive and helpful and that which is over-reaching and harmful. And it seems you are looking for that line as well. Listen to your body, even if it is telling you things you are not used to hearing. And don't wait till it is shouting and screaming.

Taking time is NOT selfish! You NEED to take the time to properly care for yourself! In fact, let's call it "using" time, not "taking" it. And you want to use your time wisely and in a balanced way, right?

Hope you get to feeling better soon.

(I've been only erratically on here lately too. Don't worry about that - it happens!
Oh! Trying to gain a bit of weight here too -- that's a goal in itself. )

You need extra time with Lupus; it is not selfish.

I am sorry you are feeling so poorly, Anika. It is your time now to seek advice and comfort from us, your friends, and we don't expect you to constantly post when you don't feel well, although it is always nice to hear from you when you are able.
Many,
Bluemountains

Try to take it easy and not push too hard. Remember what you are doing the yoga for - to get your body healthy and your mind in a good place, not to be the best or push the hardest. Remember that anything you do is better than nothing and so that will help you to be able to go easy on the exercise and not push to hard. You help so many people here with your posts it's only fair it's your turn for help now. take care and be kind to yourself

I don't know much about lupus but I do hope that you can start to feel better. I don't know if Yoga helps it.

Don't feel bad about not posting. And you're not selfish to want time for yourself. You should take that even if you aren't doing a challenge.