[OutlawedSpirit]

I feel so out of place. I don't quite fit in anywhere. Even here I don't feel like I belong. It always seems like everyone would rather talk to someone else. Maybe I'm just whining, but even IRL I don't fit it. My brother is the perfect one, he has a PhD and a wife, and a good job. I am a college drop out, I work in a factory, and that might even be lost. I'm gay, which means that I am always somewhat of an outcast at big family functions. Everyone says they're okay with it, but it is obvious some of them are not. My gf's mom has never really been okay with me because I 'turned her daughter gay'. Then you add in the fact that I have schizoaffective, and how can I fit in, when I don't even know if half the stuff I see is even real. I always thought that after being an outcast in high school, being an adult would be better, but I'm not quite sure it is.

[usbusi]

That must be a struggle if you are always hallucinating Outlawed. I had them during my manias, which I have had 3 and I don't think I'll ever have another one. They sure are peculiar. And if you read about quantum physics, they fit in actually, since there is no reality outside of what the observer observes.

Originally Posted by OutlawedSpirit

I feel so out of place. I don't quite fit in anywhere. Even here I don't feel like I belong. It always seems like everyone would rather talk to someone else. Maybe I'm just whining, but even IRL I don't fit it. My brother is the perfect one, he has a PhD and a wife, and a good job. I am a college drop out, I work in a factory, and that might even be lost. I'm gay, which means that I am always somewhat of an outcast at big family functions. Everyone says they're okay with it, but it is obvious some of them are not. My gf's mom has never really been okay with me because I 'turned her daughter gay'. Then you add in the fact that I have schizoaffective, and how can I fit in, when I don't even know if half the stuff I see is even real. I always thought that after being an outcast in high school, being an adult would be better, but I'm not quite sure it is.

now thats a cool bit of writing right there!

oh boy how do you turn someone gay?...
if thats even possible?...then just terrific...cos I could then turn my ex girlfriend 'back again!'

...but seriously...
yeah I get the not fitting in part...it crosses over sexuality and personality and abundant reality.

I can assure you everything thats seen is real...!

it's just the absurdity of much of it and the reflex displeasure with mostly more of it!

after a while it turns a creature inside out...

my skeleton is on the outside now and all my senses are buried deep beneath my very peculiar shape

I feel nothing in here for very long.....but shame and disgust for all things me and all things against me and whatever is left is simply inspirational..!!

just gotta hope to trip over miracles

[BlueInanna]

(((Outlaw))) you belong here. And I've prob turned some straight girls bi, or maybe they turned me or who knows. Enjoy the love. I think you gotta accept you and the rest of the people would not be judging u if they knew acceptance of self. I'm glad ur here. You've been quiet lately.

[OutlawedSpirit]

I know, been a lot going on lately, some good, a lot not so good.

[newtus]

i feel tha same way. im female and my sister has a masters and great job. pays well and a soon to be husband that is a fireman. etc. all those great things plus more. im a college drop out too and exactly what you said. except no job here.

i quit going to family functions.
i am the one with no education no job and no relationship for many many years now.
my cousins have been getting married left and right some already have babies.

im about ready to be a spinster i suppose. i want to die a lot lately. and have thought about doing things but am not sure for fear of jailtime.

[Cocosurviving]

Outlaw and Newtus stay strong everyone has a purpose. I encourage both of u to consider finding/joining a support group. Praying helps me as well. Best wishes

[OutlawedSpirit]

I have actually thought about joining a Catholic church, not so much because I follow the beliefs, but just for the structured ceremony of it. I enjoy very precise rituals and they tend to calm me, I just don't know that it is right to join a church when I don't necessarily follow the faith.

"I always thought that after being an outcast in high school, being an adult would be better, but I'm not quite sure it is. "

I feel the same way. I've always been a loner and continue to be. I don't really have friends but I've got my family who support me eventhough they think I'm nuts. But I've always felt out of place. Never really fit in with any certain crowd or style. I just do my own thing and if anyone has a problem with it... Well, F 'em! Sorry but it's just how I feel.