I am thinking about overdosing

Big ((HUGS)) hun. I am so very sorry for your loss

Oh, it is horrible whatever the child's age is! To go through the ups and down of pregnancy and all the anticipation and the pain of labor and lose your daughter is heartbreaking. I did not know you had such a loss 29 years ago.

... I had an older colleague in Texas, Marianna. She has an older son and a younger daughter, Nina. Both adults now. Both born in Moldova before the family moved to Texas. Marianna told me that before Nina, Marianna was pregnant with twins. The prenatal care through the state was horrendous. Marianna lost one twin in utero and was pleading with the doctors to induce labor to save the other twin. They refused. She lost the other twin. The doctors would not even do a C-section but insisted on waiting until she would go in labor by herself. She went through all the labor pain knowing that the children would be stillborn! I just cannot imagine myself having this experience. But she is a strong woman - she buried the twins, grieved, recovered, got pregnant again, bribed her way through the prenatal care to get decent treatment, and delivered Nina being over 40.

I'm so deeply sorry for the loss of your beautiful son.

You are probably in the hospital. My big brother killed himself on July 13th. I feel exactly like you said. So does our sister. Things will never be right or ok ever again. I go on though. To honor my brother, i do the things he couldn't and can no longer do.

This is beautiful and courageous, about honoring him

Thank you for the support,
You guys are great. I only spent 24 hrs inpatient. Although the Psyc Unit is nice in the fact that it has individual rooms and bathrooms, also the food is good, the level of care has gone way down!
I have been going there since 2000, it is the only Psyc unit covered 100% because it is in the network of hospitals my husband works at.

Until recently, the nurses and techs on every shift would spend time talking with you. This doesn't happen anymore. The nurse manager says it because of staffing issues. In my view and my husband's there appears to be the same amount of staff. They now sit behind the nursing station chatting, browsing the Internet and just standing there. God forbid you ask them to talk to you.

I arrived Thursday afternoon and asked for my felt tip markers I brought to start journaling about Jason. WWW 3 started, you can't have them they are weapons. Mine you there is a bin of them on a table in the community room. I argued with them on this point and they began to threaten me. Get away from the nurses station if you don't stop we will take your cross off ! My cross ? The same cross I buried Jason with !!! The cross I was assured I could wear ? Now I am Hot.

My husband calls the nurse manager. Gets no where. He calls the VP of the hospital and all of a sudden I have my markers and cross has not left my body (good thing)

This wore me out I went in my room at 4:00pm never came out till the next day. Needless to say no one checked on me or talked to me. As soon as my PDOC arrived Friday afternoon I was out of there.

I have spent the day trying to find a Psych unit, center or retreat that I could go to to help with the life shattering grief I feel. I couldn't find anything.

I haven't showered,changed clothes but at least I don't feel suicidal.

I am so so sorry speed! I can't imagine your grief!! Glad u got a grief counselor. Go without ur husband if need be, find a new hospital of take another seroquel but don't give up!! All my love to you!! Keep posting!!

Thanks for the update
I can't believe how poor the treatment in the hospital was!!
I really hope you find a better psych hospital soon.
If you any to chat, I am here

Thanks for checking in, so sorry about the level of "care" at the hosiptal, but I'm really relieved your are safe

Glad you're out of that one, thats so sad what jerks hope you can find a more compassionate place, or get stable at home.

I cannot even begin to comprehend your pain Speed I have no words of comfort, only hugs.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

I am so sorry that happened at the hospital. It's terrible that the care has gone down so much. Is there any way you can report the hospital to something? Like a watch dog team or something? I don't know. I know you're not feeling well right now. But if it's the only place to go that's completely wrong to treat patients that way, as if they don't exist at all.

I just called my PDOC who use to head the unit, and asked who in the organization I could write a letter to and if it would do any good. I am waiting for his call. My husband works within in the same system but at another hospital.
He is very angry about the whole thing. With our insurance to get the best benefit and least amount of out of pocket cost, we have to stay within the system. So this is the only Psyc unit I can go to without paying a lot of money.
It is very sad, this unit although physically it is still great, single rooms and bathrooms, has gone down quickly in level of care. The fashion themselves to be a award winning hospital, but the Psyc unit does not fit the bill.

In 2011 I went to John Hopkins Hospital for a 12 day inpatient stay, for a consultation. John Hopkins is rated number 1 in the country for Psychiatric. Things my local Psyc unit stopped doing are things John Hopkins does and feel are important to treatment. I would love to point these out in a letter.

You will never forget or get over his death. It will always be in the back of your mind because love is never ending. However, you will keep moving forward, life will go on. You will be okay because you will learn to live with the pain. Keep strong and when you need to break down, do so. You can always re invent your life, become a new vessel. Ahead lies opportunity, people you can help leading by example. We believe in you. Hugs!

I am so sorry you are going through this I cannot even imagine your pain. I am glad you are reaching out for help.