I want to go to sleep!

Stupid brain, don't you know you need to rest? I've been tracking my mood and sleep the last few months because I can't grasp time like I expect anyone else could. Last week feels the same as last year if I remember. My sleep was fine then some switch was flipped and I sleep too little for a few nights after a few nights of sleeping 12 or more hours. Right now? Im lingering between 4 and 5.

Sure, I could take drugs Rx type to induce sleep but, they never really help when that switch in my brain has gone off. I am awake.

I suppose I could stay frustrated that the stubborn ways of my mind or I can just accept it. I carry on anyway. This isn't the first time and won't be the last. It isn't rational to grumble about what cannot be changed.

But I do! Silly brain, you can't decide if you're excited or verging oblivion. I guess that's why I can't sleep.

I know what exactly what you mean... my brain apparantly only uses it's "shutdown" button 4 days a month! I'm on day 3 now, and will probably pass out tonight again, but soon I'll go back to my 4hr nights... and i canot grasp time AT ALL... minutes and hours are the same, and taht goes for days and weeks too, makes for a very hard time trying to recall something for the benefit of somebody else.... It was 2 days ago, no wait 3 weeks ago that I, blah blah blah.... very frustrating and not easily comprehensible for others when I explain I'm time retardent

For me it's annoying because I get bored and have no company all hours of the night, and boredom irritates me...

I know it's not the same, bcoz for you it's not the norm, but like you said, the switch has flipped, so now you just gotta wait it out until it reverts back...

I'll keep you company if you like

Okay! I just learned to make my profile here a bunch of obnoxious colors. That entertained me for a few minutes. How obnoxious can you make yours?

I can keep y'all company feel like. I'm up anyways. I work night shift 7 days a week.

Haha y'all, I always think people mean plural "you" but it's just me!

Lol... Well i went from being angry at the world to laughing. Wonder how long this will last. I hate being unmedicated!

Why are you unmedicated if you don't want to be?

I haven't been medicated since i left for the army. The meds i was on before i left made me a zombie. I was thinking about going to mental health when i was at the VA on Wednesday but didnt

Cocoa, those REALLY are obnoxious colours! you weren't kidding!!!

They let you be both crazy and in the army?

Well! If anyone knows how to be obnoxious it's a "mixed" person with bipolar disorder who can't/won't sleep!

Lol yeah.

LMAO Thanks for enlightening me!

Oh that's another thing! Making generalizations that answer the meaningful questions in life like, who can be most obnoxious? is another specialty.

I should make a list of all the wonderful skills one has thrown upon them when being in this state. I won't because I want to.

I'm going to imitate sleep now and see what happens. Maybe if I tell myself I'm faking it, my stubborn brain will decide to rebel and fall asleep! How's that for a walk on the wild side? Zzzzz!

Lol, I've been forced to become a master at tricking my brain into sleeping, most valuable trickery I ever learned! hope you catch some zzzzzz soon

How do you trick your brain into sleeping? Do tell.

Well I have 2 main forms of trickery, sleep rituals and music. The rituals have to be performed every night at the same time to be effective, that way the ritual itself equals sleep in your brain. When I'm really revved up, I play a long list of my favourite metal bands, the play list slowly progresses to more mellow sounding rock, and by the time I'm done head banging and playing awesome air guitar, I'm singing my own lullabys simple meditations a good 1 too, but too hard for me when I can't concentrate.

Try a little marijuana - worked very well for me. The only thing that over time grew to be frustrating was absence of dreams. I like having dreams. On marijuana it was completely uneventful sleep. Nothing to recall when you wake up. Nothing to think about. Did not feel human towards the end.

And then I just decided that I would rather spend the money on cleaners who would give me sanity. Since I cannot do housecleaning myself.

But not having dreams played a role in my decision too. It felt too strange without dreams.

But if you are desperate, I suppose that you would not care whether you have dreams. It is sort of a luxury, dreams.

Marijuana makes me extremely paranoid. It's unfortunate really and wasn't always like that. I used to get the best nights sleep when I smoked but it started making me super anxious and afraid. All those weird thoughts... It's odd that it wasn't always like that when I did start smoking a few years after my first real episodes. Can't blame the bipolar entirely on that one!

It's alright though last night I actually slept a good 8 hours! Now I'm just feeling down but, that's a relief. Who knows what I will be like tomorrow though.

My pdoc told me that regular use just might increase anxiety, so maybe, quite unfortunatle, this is what happened to you. But who cares if you can sleep for eight hours ON YOUR OWN!