[purpledaisy]

Oh, great. I think I'm headed toward something.

I was racing around to several different stores this evening, looking for a certain product.

These stores all had the product in stock, but they didn't have the version that I was looking for. The versions are very close. Subtle differences to most people, but to me one is fabulous and the other is unacceptable.

I've been going through this for about 2 weeks now, looking for this item. It's a consumable item, and I'm a little obsessed right now, so I am constantly looking for them.

Stores are often out of stock. I've tried calling some of these stores to see if they are in stock yet, and I have been told yes.

So I go to the stores and see that they are the wrong kind.

Tonight I was so mad. My mind was racing. I was slamming carts and other merchandise around. I was yelling at store employees. I was showing them their product and asking why they didn't have the right ones when I had driven clear over there just to buy them.

I was the crazy lady screaming in the store.

I haven't felt like this for a long time.

When it used to hit me, I would rev the engine of my vehicle and drive like a maniac. Or scream at my kid (when he was smaller) about whatever made me mad, he'd cover his ears and cry, I'd slam the brakes, then peel out again.

In fact, when I look back at my childhood and teen years, I felt this way a lot and family just thought I was moody, *****y, PMSing, etc.

I'm still taking the same dosage of Welbutrin that I've been on for several months (100 mg SR twice a day).

I have an appointment with pdoc for late February. Since I no longer have insurance, I can't just stroll in there and plop down a $25 co-pay like I used to.

But I'm wondering if this is a sign.

[hamster-bamster]

Can this consumable be purchased online? An obvious question.

[~Christina]

I would say you need to be seen sooner. If you yourself are able to realize your actions are over the top. See your Pdoc , while there explain your finacial situation and ask if med adjustments are needed can they be tried over the phone? If he/she can't help you out this way. Look into local mental health clinics... That's where I am seen and I have the best possible Pdoc and T.

Isn't Wellbutrin the only medication you are on? If so that makes no sense? I would think you need a mood stabilizer of some sort.

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time

[purpledaisy]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Can this consumable be purchased online? An obvious question.

Nope. They're seasonal and only available for a short time.

I checked their website to see if they can be ordered online, and they can't.

In my rage, I also filled out a complaint form on their site. I'm sure they'll love me.

[purpledaisy]

Originally Posted by morethingswrong

I would say you need to be seen sooner. If you yourself are able to realize your actions are over the top. See your Pdoc , while there explain your finacial situation and ask if med adjustments are needed can they be tried over the phone? If he/she can't help you out this way. Look into local mental health clinics... That's where I am seen and I have the best possible Pdoc and T.

Isn't Wellbutrin the only medication you are on? If so that makes no sense? I would think you need a mood stabilizer of some sort.

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time

There isn't anything like a free or reduced-fee health clinic available where I live or close to me. I've checked. No services at all. The only option is to pay cash at the behavioral health clinic that I've been going to, which is part of a big hospital here.

Yes, Welbutrin is all I'm on now. About 2 months before I got fired (got fired the day after Thanksgiving), pdoc decided to quit using the mood stabilizer and left me on the anti-depressant. The whole idea of this has made me very nervous, because my being on an anti-depressant by itself (prescribed by my PCP) was what threw me into the hypomania that caused me to seek treatment again after being out of it for so many years, caused problems at work, led to me getting fired.

[~Christina]

Well then you need a different Pdoc as this one seems lousy. If its a big hospital then certainly they would have numerous Doctors. I guess I don't understand a Doctor just doing whatever they want with my medications.

Oh go talk to the financial aide department at the hospital since they are connected. It's worth a shot to see if they can be of help. Your area has to have some kind of help available. I live in a tiny tiny town and its here IF you ask enough questions.

I really hope you can find something and someone to help you get your life back on track and feeling better. You deserve to be happy !

Originally Posted by purpledaisy

Oh, great. I think I'm headed toward something.
.

it's weird hey?... how we can sometimes get the intuition...

and it's a "thing"...that sets us off...

it's terrible when it's happening it's fanatical obsessive madness and it's so easy to be amongst it...

we wander around like emotional targets and the damage is so damn accurate!...it never misses!

and it's just amazing we don't freak out more ..

just want to run into the wilderness and set fire to my head so I can watch the world burn better

[purpledaisy]

Great.

So on top of this whole feeling agitated and pissed off at everything and everyone, I am falling behind on the other stuff I was mad at myself about.

Like not forcing myself to do the things on my to-do-list.

Right now, there is one spot to sit in the family room of my house. I have been sitting in this one the whole time I am home (except for when I'm asleep) every day since I got fired the day after Thanksgiving.

It is on a couch. The rest of the couch has a pile of laundry and mail on it.

There is room to put my computer on the corner of a table I set up in front of the couch. The rest of the table is filled with mail, med bottles, trash, candy, and random stuff.

All of the other surfaces in this room are topped with clutter.

The front room is the room I had intended to be my office. There is a desk, but it is covered with trash and paperwork from the last time I was fired and on unemployment, which was around 2008.

I went in there the other day to start throwing stuff away and putting stuff in a to-be-shredded box, but it was so overwhelming that I grabbed my computer bag and left.

Today I slept until 11:00 a.m. I've been up for about 20 minutes. I haven't showered since Thursday. I'm so scroungy and nasty that my eyes keep stinging from salty, oily forehead dripping into them. Something weird is going on with my skin.

Just so freakin' tired of everything.

I know my life won't change unless I get my act together and do the things on my to-do-list that will lead to me being able to make some decent money.

But how do I get off this one little spot on the couch?

[BlueInanna]

Throw everything off couch and tables on the floor against the wall. Then enjoy at least a clear couch you can even stretch out on, and a clean table. Might motivate u to deal with the pile a bit. #1 on ur list right now should be care for ur mental health. I've forced myself to shower before yelling I hate this **** this I ****ing hate this ****ing shower ********!!!!! But there's magic in water , it can purify negativity and rage off your body and aura.

[purpledaisy]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

Throw everything off couch and tables on the floor against the wall. Then enjoy at least a clear couch you can even stretch out on, and a clean table. Might motivate u to deal with the pile a bit. #1 on ur list right now should be care for ur mental health. I've forced myself to shower before yelling I hate this **** this I ****ing hate this ****ing shower ********!!!!! But there's magic in water , it can purify negativity and rage off your body and aura.

Good idea, except I have a cat that is peeing on everything lately. She has ruined some stuff and I'm really mad at her. I've had to wash some loads of laundry several times each, with enzyme-cleaner stuff in the first load and adding vinegar to the subsequent loads to get rid of the smell. Then she pees on stuff all over again.

But it is a good idea about clearing things away so I'll have a little room. I'll have to find a way to do that. Might have to put up with her peeing on the stuff. Of course, if the stuff was that important to me, I would've put it away by now, right? Except I never put anything away. Not even folding clothes to go in drawers.

[BlueInanna]

Oh gawd me too! 5 cats and one of them is peeing or spraying everywhere I hate it, I too sometimes rewash clothes a bunch cuz I didn't just fold and put away when I should've. My clutter problem is bad. But sometimes just 1 clean corner or space or table makes me able to take a deep Ahhh breath, rather than wanting to pull my eyeballs out and hating everything. I just SUCK with clutter! I'm in this big awesome house I grew up in and there's just too much crap, not even all mine but all my responsibility . A good drive to make money for me is that I'd love to hire a full time chef housekeeper organizer kid driver, my dream!