It's the little things that count (against me)

I had a good day, but on the way home things started going south and arrived home quite irritable...

I bought the remainder of Jordan's stationary, only to realize I left without withdrawing any cash, without cigarettes as well as without the doll clothes she asked for. Needed money to buy my bus ticket (which I luckily borrowed from a friend) and to pay her driver who transports her to and from school, was supposed to pay the guy a few days ago...

I get home only to make a mess of covering her books, which pushes me into a frenzy because it's a simple task that I've never mastered, even with pre-cut materials, so of course I feel like an idiot.

Frustration and intense hunger pangs cause me to give up and have supper before I faint or break somethings.... I've eaten, mum finished her books for me, but my stomach still hurts like hell!

My sister whom I haven't spoken to in weeks texted me today to ask if I was "ok now" or do I still want us to remain seperated.... Me thinking this was a chance for her to validate the reasons that led me to lash out at her, and acknowledge her part in it..... well let's just say I was sorely mistaken, the little twit changed the topic to would I be interested in joining her for 'ladies night' like.... W T F!!!!!! that cut really deep, I don't get my family, at this point finding out I was adopted would answer aLOT of questions....

I have 2 cigarettes and it's only 8pm, ugh I know it sounds stupid but it's a ****** evening indeed!

On the upside, I love my new phone, only cost HALF my paycheck, so yeah extra broke this month!

On the verge of tears and can't even say why.... it's just a ****** evening all around.

Just venting

Well, maybe focus on what you did right instead of wrong? I know that's hard to do. This has just been a crummy week... maybe it's just bad energy all over. I don't know. Also been crazy over here and it's on the other side of the planet! So.... maybe.

Tell your sister, no, you're not "okay" and no thanks for ladies night. Then leave it at that. Tomorrow is another day, you'll get through it. The things you forgot today will just be one day late.

At least you got a new phone! Yay!

I agree focus on what you did correctly I'm sure you did plenty right. Maybe your family just doesn't understand and you can't expect them to really. Just relax and take a breath without one of those nasty cigarets sp? And relax.

at least you got your phone! I've been there with only one or two cigarettes. when that happens to me I will smoke half at a time to stretch it out. Hang in there... things do get better!

Went to sleep super early, mostly because I lashed out at my brother and started crying just because he asked what he needed to do with Jordan's text books... and this morning I thought I was ok, I did, but reading my original post, I'm still upset.

I did do some things right yesterday, met my deadline, andwith the help of my supervisor who has turned out to be a good friend, I avoided a colleague I would rather have clawed, and yet I feel so hopeless? Idk what it is, there this ache I can't soothe, a deep-seated ache...

Maybe I was mildly hypo, didn't notice and now paying for it? Idk, nothing in my life warrants this aching in my soul....

I can't spend the day crying, I can't.

Thanks guys, will put a reminder on my phone to get the money I need.

...I'm so sad for you sweet little buddy!

when you are in them tears...


so I send you my love and caring over that
big ocean puddle that you be fillin' up drop
by little Lia drop...



...

I agree with everyone else there are so many things you did right.
I think you are amazing to be able to hold down a job. When my illness came back in my late 30's, after many tries, I had to give up a job I loved. I was a Systems Analyst and manger in the computer department of a large teaching hospital. I tried different things to keep working like giving up my manager roll. But eventually I went out on long term disability, because the stress of work kept pushing me over the edge. I wish now I tried harder to keep working.

So like I said just working with this illness is something you should give yourself many pats on the back!

Aww, Trippin! I understand completely. One bad thing is okay to handle, but when the crud keeps raining down, that helpless, hopeless feeling can kick in. I end up in the same spot quite often, and I wonder-depression? hypomania? or just stupid me.
Bluemountains

Thanks guys I think it was a 'stupid me' day... felt good all evening, didn't even resort to my original plan of tranqing myself...

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. See, it always turns around.

Glad to hear your feeling better. But yeah setting reminders on your phone is a good idea and there are other things you can do to help yourself like that. And try to slow down a little bit.

What means that??? Will have to do some research on this strange language you use

glad you are feeling better. try to remember that we are all human and make mistakes = it doesn't make us bad people....

try to though.

Although I never managed to to this either, heh.

Yes Ma'am!

Back ache today, not horrendous,but no walk in the park either, I'm awefully annoyingly perky and sunshiney, yet sad(?)

No matter, tis of no consequence to me.

hehe reading too much novels based in 1400's

Perky sad is still better than gloomy sad.

You got thAt right sis

thats some full on time in human history Lia...me did read some many too

...all black death witchcraft and plagues amazing stuff really amazing...!
fascinating stuff!

we aint much different ...just got fridges and stuff now...hehe

yes! and boy am I loving it! The damned, cursed, gifted, persecuted, action, mystery, fight for survival and the revival of love in it's purest form. and as usual you are right James, the only difference is plumbing, electricity and fashion!

you crack me up Lia!...

Don't forget how often we take a bath.

Actually, I was recently reading a great article on Cracked about things in history we get wrong, and that whole "people didn't take baths" is one of them. I guess it spilled over from the Romans who were actually a bit OCD about their hygene, (in a let's all go hang out in the tub kind of way.) Anyway, it was more like colonial times where bathing was the issue. At some point someone got it into their head that taking baths is what was spreading all the germs....

Hmmm... I can't remember. I have to find the article. You'd probably enjoy it. I like Cracked because they break things down into listst (5 reasons of something interesting!) It makes it easier to read for me.

Glad to be of service!!!

Definitly sounds like something I wanna check out! would appreciate it if you could lead the way...

I'm glad you are too...

your words hit like comedy bullets ....
your words hit too... like emotional bullets...

it's best without a vest!

too lay bleeding to death after being shot by life!

...very cool!

Okay here is the article

http://www.cracked.com/article_20186...-believes.html

Be aware it's from Cracked, which is a comedy site, but it's comedy for people who are both smart but still also like a good fart joke. So, it does use bad language and tell off color jokes while teaching you things, which is why I love that place so much! But if such things are offensive to you, then maybe not the best site.