[EmbersFlame]

I have been obsessed with this guy for 2 years. We've been dating. We were bf/gf back in August and then he broke up with me in Oct. Said my accusations and meaness were to blame. I tend to get very nasty and hit below the belt in texts and verbally when I feel wronged and that person wont recognize their part. My accusations have been dead on almost everytime though. He talks to his ex on and off and lies about it and then he slept with her back in July. He's very indecisive and blames everything on me and others with everything he goes through. Nothing is his fault. But with me, I have taken it to extremes. I look up his cell phone account to track his calls. Its like I am addicted to him. He has made it clear he only wants friendship..with benefits..and nothing more (for the time being). Yet I just found out he's talking to his ex again. I know I need to get away. This year has been hell and I am pregnant now too. He doesn't want it. I do. I lied to him and said I would get an abortion but that was just to keep him near me. It's insane. He is a jerk but yet I have turned into this psyco nuttbag over him. I will end up dead, in jail or a mental health place again if I keep messing with him. He uses me, takes advantage of the way I feel. He leads me on when he's in a good mood, telling me things I want to hear. Then the next day he over reacts to something I say and we fight like cats and dogs. Everyday! It's crazy. I have never acted this way to anyone before. I feel like hurting myself and that woman he keeps talking to. I have threatened her over and over again. I don't know how to let go and move on. I need to focus on my baby and taking care of myself but he is on my mind 24/7. Litterally. How do I move on? I have become a paranoid nutt because of this idiot. I am a fool, I know I need to get away, but how?? I am going insane with these emotions always running so high.

In answer to the thread title...
Ummm, no. Not like that.
I think in terms more like researching a new interest, being "obsessed" with reading everything, or "obsessed" about a hobby and running out and getting all the equipment.

I totally agree with you that you need to get away. Waaaaay too much drama there. I don't have good ideas right off the top, but... what about talking to a therapist? They might have some ideas. Ways to disconnect yourself from an unhealthy situation, ways to step back emotionally, figure out the dynamic and why you keep getting drawn back into it etc. Lots of stuff. If this has been going on for 2 years, it probably won't just go away without some professional help. Sure better than dead or jail! Because you're right. It's not heading anywhere good.

[nannywoofwoof]

Hi I read your post and was most alarmed. This guy is playing with you and you need to get him out of your life.
From my experience, yes obsessive behaviour does go in hand with bipolar. I have been obsessed over many things so that it completely takes over my entire being and makes me nuts.
This is a difficult situation. You are pregnant, but I urge you to break contact with this guy and talk to a Dr, therapist or counsellor quickly.
The only way to stop this is to do it quick and cold. Get rid of numbers, dont answer the phone, or put it down if it is him, refuse to speak, slam your front door on him etc. Or, and this will sound like madness, find something else to obsess about (that sometimes works for me, but I realise this is not good advice).
Sorry if I have gone on a bit, and I am sure others will give much sounder advice than me, but please seek outside help with this, as this man does not have your interests and health at heart. He is bad news. Nannywoofwoof

[EmbersFlame]

I have been to therapists about this and other things for the past 5 months. They say the same thing you two are saying. To quit him cold turkey. Get rid of the number and/or change mine. After today and how he treated me, I am finally at my wits end. I think. I hope. I have always been holding out hope with every breath I take that things will go back to the way they were but I am only kidding myself. He has gotten worse with his treatment of me. Like I am a bother to him, in his way or just annoying in general. So I have decided to step back and ignore. If he does call I wont answer my phone. It is going to be so hard. But I know it's something I have to do. Time to get my priorities strait. Ive never been alone. Ever since highschool Ive been in relationships one after the next. So maybe that scares me as well. I decided to do a search on bipolar disorder this morning and found this site. Usually I vent on facebook but it has costed me friendships and to be blocked or hidden from peoples feeds. I can get very vulgar and hateful sometimes. So I can't blame them. Sometimes it helps to talk to other people like me. Hopefully I can get through this and be happy oneday. alone.

I obsess all the time. like really obsess. I think it is part of bipolar, yes. but it doesn't make us bad people at all and if someone judges us on it, then they are not right for us.

[faerie_moon_x]

To answer your title question... well, I get stuck in loops. When I'm in a stressful situation I get trapped. Constant research and reaching to escape the loop but it just keeps me in the loop. Yes, it's very obsessive. Loops can last a few hour to months, depending on the situation.

As for the guy.... I think maybe you need to move on from him. He doesn't sound healthy. Friends with benefits is not a good idea. Someone who already betrays by going back to his ex all the time, not a good idea. This person has his own issues and it isn't healthy for you to be stuck on him. I know it's hard, but you have to break away. He's playing with your heart and you deserve better than that!

Also, you need to get away from the other woman, too. You just need to get away.

Step 1: delete their contact information and block them. Don't allow any contact. If you have them on social sites, block them. Remove them as friends. Block their calls, delete their numbers, don't text.

Step 2: you need to learn coping skills. Do you have a therapist? If not, maybe a good idea is to get one. You need someone to help you navigate out of this.

Step 3: start finding things that you like to do that nurture you. This is going to be tough. At first your mind will wander and you'll be distracted a lot. But don't give up. Keep working at it.

Anyway, those are my tips. I hope they help. but getting away from the toxic people will be a huge help to you!

[hamster-bamster]

If it came to the point of " I have threatened her over and over again.", you are doing absolutely the only right thing to do by quitting cold turkey. Otherwise you are risking legal consequences. You are pregnant and with your hands full, and you do not want to be enmeshed in a restraining order process. She by now has the right to file for an order to restrain you from coming close to her and communicating to her.

[EmbersFlame]

I ended it today. Told him I knew he called her and that after the things he said to me last night and how he treated me this morning I had enough and was officially done with it all. Of course he still cussed me and told me I was crazy and that he was sick of my accusations. I just said Goodbye. Left it at that. Last night he told me he doesn't want to deal with a bipolar person, that it wasn't his problem and he doesn't want someone with it in his life. And this morning when I showed up at the hotel I had gotten for us when I got off of work, he was in his truck and as I walked up to the window he yelled, I'm late and peeled outta there just leaving me standing there in sleet and rain. So that was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. time to grow up and move on from that mess. Thank you all for your advice. It helped so much. hopefully I can be at peace and just start working on myself for once in my life.

[Bipolar mom]

Embers you can do it. He sounds like a jerk, you deserve better. I was obsessed with a guy for 5 years, we were on and off.... We were no good for each other. I never thought I could live with out him. Here I am 6 years later... Married to a great man and have a wonderful 2 year old. That guy barely even crosses my mind.

["Tilly may"]

I get obsessed over people too. they usually are ranking abo ve me, like, a teacher or boss, or my therapist or psychiatrist. is it part of being bipolar? im not sure but i have both.

[EmbersFlame]

Well I messed up today. His ex called me back after I threatened her again. That's the only way I can get her to call me back. But she confirmed he was running a game on us both again. We talked for an hour and she said she was done with it all. Instead she took what I said and called and told him a bunch of untruths that I never said or did to get him to want nothing to do with me. So I flipped out defending myself and called him over and over and over again begging him literally to not walk away and be with her. What is wrong with me? I even told him I'm willing to accept her in his life as whatever as long as I don't lose him and he's honest about everything with her. He agreed but it's not what I want. I want her gone!! I need to seek major help I think. This is way bad that I lowered myself to this. I feel like I love him ad can't imagine him with another. And even though he was caught, he still denied it all and said she was lying but I know she wasn't. About any of it. What is wrong with me? Why do I do this? It's not dependency cause he doesn't do anything for me at all. He's not even supportive in any way. I guess I'm hung up on what used to be and can't understand why I was never enough. and I'm still not. And never will be I'm sure.

I feel really obsessive right now. lol. I also have a very addictive personality. I easily get addicted, or obsessive, about things.

[~Christina]

He may not do "anything" for you... But, you have a dependency problem.

The fact you spoke to her for an hour, yet you have threatened her numerous times? Please get help ASAP. You need some Therapy to help you untangle yourself from him. You can have a life and healthy relationships. You can do it