How to heal from previous false beliefs?

As a consequence of my bipolar, I have believed various strange things at times. Some of these beliefs were emotionally neutral (i.e. believing that I was an alien) or actually made me feel happier (grandiose beliefs).

Most of them, however, have brought me a lot of pain and isolated me from friends and family. It took me literally years to realize how ridiculous some of these thoughts that I lived my life around were. For example, while depressed in high school, I thought that I was subhuman and that everyone could sense my inferiority just by looking at me. This belief was implicit, a given, not something that I could question because it was so silent.

I've had some really wacky, out there beliefs that were probably delusions, but it's these subtler, quieter strange beliefs that have hurt me the most, probably because they persisted longer. I realized yesterday that, even though I can now see how crazy some of my thought processes were, that I still haven't healed from them. I don't believe them intellectually anymore, but they still influence me emotionally. And more importantly, there is the pain left behind from all the time I spent being influenced by these thoughts.

I think that I need to address this issue with my therapist in order to truly move past it. I'm just not sure what exactly I have to do in order to heal from this. Also, I'm uncomfortable talking about this issue with people in real life because I don't want them to think that I'm "crazy"; this includes therapists. My therapist at home only knows about the delusions I've had while very clearly depressed; my pdoc doesn't know about any of this because I value his respect too much.

Have any of you dealt with subtle thoughts such as these? How have you gone about trying to come to terms with the damage that they caused? How did you learn to stop believing them emotionally, as well as intellectually?

Thanks

I did a lot of work on this with a psychic / spiritual teacher I really respect. She did a guided meditation with me where I visualized my false belief. Big block letters of dark purple glass "I MESS UP EVERYTHING !". Then she had me visualize smashing those word with a hammer, send them in a sheet of white light back to source to be purified. Then she had me call back fragmented pieces of my spirit that were lost or damaged with the intention I'm ready to be whole. It was pretty intense and something I should continue working on. Hope that might help and doesn't sound too hippied out?

ouch.... that hit pretty close to home weird thing is i just started to think like that... at first i thought its just depression... then remembered how sometimes i felt everyone else has slow thinking process... sign of mania.... finally got diagnosed with Bipolar II...

and now one sign of BP can be grandiose delusion, i am actually reviewing almost every major decision made by me in last decade.... i always knew i had taken insane career risks,most of them bear fruits... but i always like being on the brink you know... to push myself to edge... as if i wasn't chasing success but was chasing failures...

even latest example is that i have applied for MBA right... i have decided that i will take admission into top 25 B schools... from which i got interview calls from 8 .... but here is my dilemma... its risk i am taking, if i decided to apply for top 50 colleges i will surely get admission this year... but nope,i want to be in these 25 ... if i dont get into them this year, i will try next year.... now tell me if this is right decision or overconfidence/arrogance or just "grandiose belief" of bipolar .. cant be sure right??? or maybe its just my anxiety making me postpone my decision... .... what is the truth????????

Going to a "psychic/spiritual teacher" as a cure is a good example of substituting one false belief system for another.

There are numerous people today who go through life accepting all sorts of false or unverified, supernatural or transcendent beliefs. The OP would be better off seeing a legitimate therapist who can help her/him learn critical reasoning skills.

I've heard it said that as long as you fear going crazy you have nothing to worry about! I think there's real truth in that, but needless to say, you do need to talk to
a psychiatrist just to open the material you are holding so tightly inside.

Getting it out in the presence of security with a psychiatrist is the strongest healing
method I know, and you will find that you will heal much faster than you could ever do on your own.

Please go in and talk to one. They're compassionate, gentle, and caring. You'll be
better very soon after releasing the information that is causing you such tension.

Take care and feel better soon.

Blue, that sounds like a really empowering exercise. I may try it; thanks for the suggestion. And for the record, you don't mess up everything. You're a credit to this board and to this planet.

Darth, I can definitely relate to academic grandiosity. My junior year of high school, I was convinced that I was destined to go to MIT, lol. I honestly believed that I was the smartest person on earth, and that I would figure out exactly how the universe worked so that everything can be explained and predicted.

As things turned out, I go to a public university that, while very good, is certainly not MIT caliber. I'm smart, but I'm far from being a genius, let alone the "smartest person on earth". And I'm having a hard enough time reviewing physics for the MCAT; I don't think I'll be discovering the theory of everything anytime soon.

Interestingly enough, grandiosity has had a positive effect on my work. It's motivating; if I hadn't been looking for the theory of everything, I probably would have found high school physics exceptionally boring. When I got hypomanic for the first time at 14, I thought that I would eventually discover time travel, so I started learning Latin so that I could communicate with the ancient Romans. I got through the entire book of Latin grammar in a month! Sadly, I don't remember most of it...but it has helped me learn Spanish and Italian, so I'm still benefiting from it.

Gaijin, I disagree. Supernatural phenomena are, by definition, outside the realm of what can be studied by science. Reason alone cannot tell us whether or not a given supernatural phenomena exists.

If Blue's spiritual teacher helped her to feel better, that is a very good thing that we ought to celebrate. There is more than one path up the mountain of good mental health. I personally found her suggestion very helpful.

you are very right.... but when you are depressed your normal reasoning gets screwed... and critical reasoning?????? you are really bipolar, right ??? BP reduces our concentration... from very intelligent you become kind of stupid sometimes...

of course psychic/homeopathic/lithium orotate, they just give us hope, but ultimately its not only waste of time and money, but also harmful to your overall health...

best luck for your MCAT.... and eeww!!! how can you even look at that blood and puss... doesn't it make you wanna throw up???

and time travel... if only it was real... i think if you ask here,you will find out almost everyone having BP loves fantasy novels/movies.... there is reason for that!!!

some time ago there was a thread about psychological theories we don't subscribe to. "legitimate" psychology and psychiatry produced chemical imbalance theory, penis envy, inner child... and plenty other crappy theories.

If it wasn't for my spirituality, I wouldn't be here today. How is that bad?

how can you call these the same? Lithium orotate is potentially dangerous, but are you gonna compare it to spiritual believes that are thousand years old? Were all generations of those people wasting time and money?

And how is spirituality harmful for your overall health?