[Clinte89]

I was never very out going but very much wild. I would stay up all night rocking to some tunes, very productive all that stuff. But now on meds I'm not me I'm not the guy who thought the govt was after him or the guy who would have fun doing anything and could make anything awesome. But not anymore.

I miss my wild Side

[Melmo]

Maybe that's a good think? Being wild can sometimes get you into trouble lol
It's funny, last night I went out to some clubs with a friend and I realized I am so not into the club scene. My idea of fun is drinking with friends at a house party, or around a bonfire.

[newtus]

do you want the govt to be atfer you? i mean you know...the high of that? expand.

[Grace Claire]

Clinte89, I understand completely. After much time and work, I rarely feel that way anymore though. Once you have a calmer life, it can become addicting too. Still occasionally, there will be a trigger and I will be drawn to the the excitement; in fact it will be irresistible to me. In the end, after these incidents, I sincerely miss my calm and I especially like myself so much better at the end of the day. Does the old awesome translate when you are thinking clearly? It does not for me. Don't forget the bad times and the regrets.

Still, I did miss it a lot if I am honest, but I have had so many cool new experiences that I would never have had if I was stuck in my old patterns. It is really no contest. Maybe w/time, it will be less of a draw for you, as it is for me now. -GC

[Secretum]

I'm sorry that you had to give up such a major part of who you are. I know that it really sucks when the meds take away our passion, creativity, etc.

I suppose my only words of comfort come from the fact that "what goes up must come down". The meds may take away the more pleasurable parts of hypo/mania, but if they stop your depressions too, then perhaps it's worth it?

[Clinte89]

Yeah getting rid of the depression is awesome. But i do miss the highs, I havent had a good hypo time in a while. Oh well I guess. If meds keep me from beating up my family and being psychotic then I guess Ill stay on them. But Ive really been thinking about stoppping them all together.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by Secretum

I'm sorry that you had to give up such a major part of who you are. I know that it really sucks when the meds take away our passion, creativity, etc.

I suppose my only words of comfort come from the fact that "what goes up must come down". The meds may take away the more pleasurable parts of hypo/mania, but if they stop your depressions too, then perhaps it's worth it?

Is it? But it seems that normal bipolar is up and down.... and medicated bipolar is blah and down.

I guess for me... the memories of ups is what keeps me going when down.

It's up to everybody to decide... but sometimes too much blah can be a bad thing and can indeed result in crash. You have right to yourself. If you feel not right and blahed down... you have right to try to find a way to feel yourself again.

[Clinte89]

Venus you just hit it on the head.

[Grace Claire]

I am not afflicted w/your disease, but my disorder was ruining my life. I have metaphorically dipped my toe back in the water from time to time and I have gotten away w/it. I have not dived in though. Even so, I felt rotten after each time because it was a betrayal of the people that love me and the big investment they have made in me. I admit that I miss the highs. When I think of the highs, I have trained myself to think of the joys I now have, the damage I caused and the severe depression that is made worse by self-hate. I have a life w/lots of people in it now who do love me. Over time, I have forgotten exactly how the highs feel. I have sat here now thinking of them and they were the best of times and the worst of times. I could almost drop my life as it is in a heartbeat. Then I think of my family and I won't.

Maybe you cannot dip your toe in the water w/your disease and pull back. I take benzos so maybe that is too different. It is a lot mind control for me too. I did some horrible things. I hurt a lot of people very badly. I was a wrecker. If that is not true of you, I can see how the dilemma would be greater. You are so young too that maybe you do not have so many regrets yet.

I wonder if I should even comment on this thread. Maybe the circumstances are very different. -GC

[Mollie May]

I know my.life is better without those crazy highs, but I miss them sometimes, too. To be wild and carefree--damn the consequences! And the passion and creativity...the spontaneity. It is certainly appealing. But then I remember that stability has its good points too.

I miss my old lifestyle too. i miss drinking beer until late at night and hanging out out front of my place socializing till ten or eleven. it was fun as hell! but I miss my healthy lifestyle that I got into.

Honestly, I thought by happily adapting once I was put on meds would make all the difference for me. I thought that by complying and never questioning that I would be the one to be better. lol...... still think that to a small degree.

but now I'm told that I am experiencing a normal range of emotions. i think that maybe that is right, but I sure don't know how to deal with a normal range of emotions. i have always been an extremist in everything. now I am not. so not used to it and yes, i do miss it.

anyhoot, thanks for listening.