[Skittles56]

I see a lot of posts here asking "is this because of bipolar?" Usually it is some quirky behavior that is not generally recognized as a symptom of bipolar.

I have a theory on that. I think that after we receive our diagnosis, we are hypersensitive to our behavior. Every day that we are baseline, we wonder whether we are headed up or headed down. A lot of times, we are anxious about it. We might experience an emotion tied to something that has never produced one like it before. We might find ourselves behaving in some way that we never noticed before. Sometimes it is actually because of a side effect of our medication. Sometimes it is something we have always done but never noticed before we were diagnosed. Whatever the behavior, we find that we can't trust our emotions and actions any more, even though they might have nothing to do with bipolar.

What do you think?

[A Red Panda]

I can't really relate to this, as I've never wondered if anything was due to medications, and I don't really wonder why I feel the way that I feel. I either know the thing in life that caused the emotion, or I know it's just my brain being it's messed up little self.

So I'm not really hypersensitive to my behaviour. I have had lots of quirks that I've been aware of for well, always. I just accept them as part of myself. When I see that a lot of people here have the same or similar experiences/behaviours/quirks, then I love it because I don't feel alone. And then it makes me wonder if there's a relation to the bipolar - which I personally find incredibly interesting.

But then, I also don't tend to wonder if I'm headed up or down. I'm typically aware of it and KNOW that I'm in an up or a down, or totally unaware of it until I'm right in the middle. haha. No wondering about that for me!

If I do question things about myself, it's never once been due to the bipolar - it's due to family and my upbringing and how I was trained to behave with them.

So I suppose I disagree with your theory, but then, I think I'm in the rarer group of people who don't really question or fret about the diagnosis - it's just who I am and I've known it for years before the diagnosis. haha. I'm sure there's going ot be a lot of people who agree with you.

[dubblemonkey]

Originally Posted by Skittles56

I see a lot of posts here asking "is this because of bipolar?" Usually it is some quirky behavior that is not generally recognized as a symptom of bipolar.

I have a theory on that. I think that after we receive our diagnosis, we are hypersensitive to our behavior. Every day that we are baseline, we wonder whether we are headed up or headed down. A lot of times, we are anxious about it. We might experience an emotion tied to something that has never produced one like it before. We might find ourselves behaving in some way that we never noticed before. Sometimes it is actually because of a side effect of our medication. Sometimes it is something we have always done but never noticed before we were diagnosed. Whatever the behavior, we find that we can't trust our emotions and actions any more, even though they might have nothing to do with bipolar.

What do you think?

I think a lot!

a very deeply insightful consideration

these exact things help me to see the other rooms in my insane house because you have busted the door down..

yes we face losing our "identity"

we can become completely separated from who?...where? what?

I am suddenly an expression of psychotic behaviours

I am simply a vessel designed to transfer an abominable dysfunction onto the world

I have no name

now I believe I am held hostage from something inside me and captured and personally impotent...

but it is not true none of it...this condition is very real and it is very destructive and after some time of trying to destroy us after it has exhausted it's emotional violence...

we might discover that all the fighting was unnecessary because this illness is my friend if I accept it and don't hate myself!

if I hate myself bipolar sick ...the condition will fight me
it won't stop either..it will try to kill me

I am not sick....I am me you are you we are we

it's a different one....but this is our experience

I loved your post

[AnxietyGirl916]

Originally Posted by Skittles56

I see a lot of posts here asking "is this because of bipolar?" Usually it is some quirky behavior that is not generally recognized as a symptom of bipolar.

I have a theory on that. I think that after we receive our diagnosis, we are hypersensitive to our behavior. Every day that we are baseline, we wonder whether we are headed up or headed down. A lot of times, we are anxious about it. We might experience an emotion tied to something that has never produced one like it before. We might find ourselves behaving in some way that we never noticed before. Sometimes it is actually because of a side effect of our medication. Sometimes it is something we have always done but never noticed before we were diagnosed. Whatever the behavior, we find that we can't trust our emotions and actions any more, even though they might have nothing to do with bipolar.

What do you think?

You hit the nail right on the head for me. I've alway had odd behavior, ups and downs, etc, but now that I have a label for it, I feel anxious about it. Thanks for sharing. I was actually thinking about this last night and you said just what I was thinking.

[newtus]

your kinda right for me too.
accept i am dxd schizoaffective

[Margolomania]

Originally Posted by Skittles56

I see a lot of posts here asking "is this because of bipolar?" Usually it is some quirky behavior that is not generally recognized as a symptom of bipolar.

I have a theory on that. I think that after we receive our diagnosis, we are hypersensitive to our behavior. Every day that we are baseline, we wonder whether we are headed up or headed down. A lot of times, we are anxious about it. We might experience an emotion tied to something that has never produced one like it before. We might find ourselves behaving in some way that we never noticed before. Sometimes it is actually because of a side effect of our medication. Sometimes it is something we have always done but never noticed before we were diagnosed. Whatever the behavior, we find that we can't trust our emotions and actions any more, even though they might have nothing to do with bipolar.

What do you think?

I can agree to this, and have actually been feeling the "hypersensitivity" especially after being diagnosed. I'm also generally very introspective, I watch my actions and reflect on thoughts and feelings most parts of my day. So this personality trait paired with normal reactions to being diagnosed lead to almost an obsession over myself and my being.

It's hard to separate it sometimes, to know what is part of who we have been and what is attributed by the disorder. I've been reading up endlessly on everything bipolar, from memoirs to forum threads to psychological studies and neurological aspects... and part of it is because it can be quite confusing, and I hate being confused. And, as far as personal experience goes as well as taking from other people's experiences, all of this is especially confusing during the first few (or several) months of being diagnosed.

In the end, it's always good to look into who we are, to know who that person is, separate from any disorder. It's very tricky, but given time, it can free us from a lot of self-doubt.

[wiretwister]

I agree with you perfectly, I have been overwhelmed with self examination since being dxed. ever feeling is a new symptom every thought judged is it racing or not. on the outside I know I am me not the disease but when I am alone with myself I fail to separate the two..I become the disease..

I think most of us struggle with this at some time or other then other times we accept ourselves as we are, quirks and all. A couple of weeks ago I was contemplating this, looking at my difficulties in functioning in the 'real' world and why that is. I'm forgetful, always have been. I'm flighty, always have been. I can be silly, quiet, broody, lazy and sometimes I get stuff done. That's how I've always been. I asked my mom why she never noticed me as being different, she said she just thought that was 'me'.

[ultramar]

What a great thread!

In theory, from what I've read, there are no particular quirks or personality characteristics that people with bipolar disorder have in common (meaning, when baseline). But I do see a lot of people asking if x quirk is part of bipolar -and in the responses, some people will end up sharing it, others not.

I think it's part of a general/normal desire to not feel alone (in our quirks, etc.) and also maybe issues of identity specific to bipolar. I know that when I'm in the midst of an episode, I don't feel 'me' -and that can be very confusing. Was x behavior 'purely' a product of that episode, or is it actually a part of who I am, just on steroids when ill? I find it all disconcerting -and hard to explain.

I think maybe a fundamental part of the journey of bipolar, is parsing out what *is* the bipolar, and what is not. What personally comforts me, is the more things about me that are *not* 'bipolar' the better. Though I am comforted by knowing that I share similar experiences with others when in the throes of an episode. I guess I compartmentalize it as 'me' versus 'me' when 'bipolar'/in an episode.

Maybe something that could help, is to keep in mind that you (everyone with BP) has x, y quirks, x, y personality characteristics, x, y history *and* has bipolar disorder. So, in this context, bipolar does not encompass one's whole identity (in which case, quirks and personality characteristics would be enveloped in it), it is one aspect (that yes, affects others perhaps), but the rest, all the rest, that makes you-you, is.... unique to you, quite apart from the bipolar.

I feel that, for example, if I didn't have bipolar disorder, I would still have the same quirks, likes, dislikes, personality as I do now. Bipolar influences some of these things, but doesn't truly change them, or determine them.

[BlueInanna]

Absolutely! Peruse here long enough, you see so many wonder is this me hypo, manic, depressed?? The dx is a mind f twister. For me, I had this mourning process, re-evaluating every life choice & experience to bring me here now. What a sad experience. Advice from the wise elders was not to dissect every memory - especially the happy ones - they are still my memory and life experience. Brought me here now. Be here now. Maybe cliche but that's truth. It is what it is. Roll with it best we can.

[Phoenix_1]

I was dx with clinical depression in 1987. I also have GAD and OCD, and had been on meds for GAD since 1976, when I was 22. I was dx bp2 in 2007 but I never really accepted this dx until now. When the 3rd pdoc in a row told me I have bp2 August 14, I thought, maybe these pdocs are right. I'm 59, and I think I've had bp2 since I was 15. That's a long time to go with no dx. Now I'm analyzing my whole life, and thinking "When I did this or that, was it bp2?" I'm also wondering about my relatives, analyzing them. I think it'll take a while for the dust to settle and for me to figure out what was bp2 and what was just me. Since I was very little, I always had a lot of questions, and I still do.