[aquaman]

My pdoc took me off seroquel a few months ago because of the fatigue and prescribed me lithium. My body was able to handle the lithium but I was cycling like crazy and started cutting myself. So my pdoc put me on a lower dose of seroquel to prevent the fatigue. I was on seroquel for over a year and felt great. Now, not so much.

I'm a stay at home dad with a toddler. He recently stopped taking naps so I'm with him all day with little to no breaks. I make money on the side writing, which I can't do now because the only time I have for writing is at night and I'm usually too tired. Even worse, when my wife gets off work, she spends her time doing stuff around the house or gardening, so I'm still stuck taking care of my son.

Don't get me wrong, I love him like crazy. But this is all eating away at my sanity. I have hard time playing with him during the day and he spends a lot of time looking bored - and that eats me up inside. I feel like the worst dad ever. He's going to resent me when he's older, I just know it.

Now I'm having passive sui ideation and see no light at the end of the tunnel.

Sorry for the rant, I've needed to cent for a long time now. Thanks for reading.

[aquaman]

I forgot to add that i have a hard time holding onto jobs because of my bp. So reentering the work force and sending my son to daycare isn't an option right now.

[hamster-bamster]

You cannot write at night while being on Seroquel. Seroquel is basically the most soporific medication on the market. Even in very small doses, it causes deep sleep and for this reason is used off label, widely, in people who are basically mentally well but just have problems with sleep.

So either side writing or Seroquel.

Originally Posted by aquaman

I forgot to add that i have a hard time holding onto jobs because of my bp. So reentering the work force and sending my son to daycare isn't an option right now.

Oh I hate the deep, dark depressions. U know to me it sounds like u are doing well, considering. Pls try not to beat up on yourself.

For me what helps (sometimes) when I'm in that horrible depression is to remember times when I have been doing good. Also reading anything that is inspiring helps. I try and read, Mans search for meaning by Viktor Frankel or something along those lines. I know your busy during the day with your child but could u dedicate an hour to urself a day? Talk to your wife and see.

Good luck

[hamster-bamster]

You definitely are not the worst dad and the son will love you dearly, so no problem with that, but I feel that your wife should rethink the priorities. If you need a break, she needs to drop gardening and give you a break. Prioritizing gardening over your mental health is bad.

[avlady]

I agree your wife should give you a break, even a whole day or days. your son may need her too but it doesn't show now, but will eventually. I commend you on taking such a big responsibility, but we all need breaks sometimes even to get our thoughts together sometimes.Maybe your wife doesn't know how you feel? I'm sure if you asked her she would give you the time as you can show her how tired and even bored you are from all of it.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by aquaman

because the only time I have for writing is at night and I'm usually too tired. Even worse, when my wife gets off work, she spends her time doing stuff around the house or gardening, so I'm still stuck taking care of my son.

What I see happening based on your account is that you TRY to write and FAIL, because of fatigue, try and fail, and the discouragement from the series of failures is contributing to your state of dejection.

If you realize that taking Seroquel and working at night are completely mutually exclusive, period, and stop TRYING, you will then stop FAILING, thus stopping to add that extra factor that contributes to the state of dejection.

Writing on Seroquel at night is impossible and you should not try to change that.

The activities your wife performs while off work are, by contrast, alterable. So you both should look at those with an eye to optimization.

Change of activity is by itself rest. If you do stuff around the house and she stays with the toddler when she is off work, you will be happier because the change of activity from taking care of the toddler to doing stuff around the house will be relatively restful for you. Plus, if she is already away from the child for so long while at work, should not she be bonding with the child during those few hours that she is at home anyway??

[Victoria'smom]

Have you looked into head-start? It'll give you a little time to get healthy.

[Confusedinomicon]

Ham, that's why you take the seroquel after you write. I don't take the extended release and it works out fine for me.

You can ask your wife to give you an hour break when she gets home so you could do something relaxing? Also plan a weekend together and have family/good friends watch the baby.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

Ham, that's why you take the seroquel after you write. I don't take the extended release and it works out fine for me.

You can ask your wife to give you an hour break when she gets home so you could do something relaxing? Also plan a weekend together and have family/good friends watch the baby.

Thank you - I had problems with non-ER. Could not take them. Eventually ran into problems with ER as well, but at higher doses.

[manicdepressive07]

Originally Posted by aquaman

My pdoc took me off seroquel a few months ago because of the fatigue and prescribed me lithium. My body was able to handle the lithium but I was cycling like crazy and started cutting myself. So my pdoc put me on a lower dose of seroquel to prevent the fatigue. I was on seroquel for over a year and felt great. Now, not so much.

I'm a stay at home dad with a toddler. He recently stopped taking naps so I'm with him all day with little to no breaks. I make money on the side writing, which I can't do now because the only time I have for writing is at night and I'm usually too tired. Even worse, when my wife gets off work, she spends her time doing stuff around the house or gardening, so I'm still stuck taking care of my son.

Don't get me wrong, I love him like crazy. But this is all eating away at my sanity. I have hard time playing with him during the day and he spends a lot of time looking bored - and that eats me up inside. I feel like the worst dad ever. He's going to resent me when he's older, I just know it.

Now I'm having passive sui ideation and see no light at the end of the tunnel.

Sorry for the rant, I've needed to cent for a long time now. Thanks for reading.

Perhaps you should convey these feelings to your wife? (if you haven't already) Let her know you feel overwhelmed with the child care and ask her for her help. Maybe instead of doing things around the house, she can watch him while you relax in the evening. I'm not sure if that'd good advice or not as I don't have children yet, but I can imagine it would be quite draining doing ALL the child care. I'm sure your wife would be more than understanding and willing to help out more if you told her how you felt

I hope you feel better soon

Get the toddler into a 2 hour preschool once a day or something. Cheaper than going mad and paying medical bills. You are stretched too thin and need some "me" time.

No Seroquel until you are absolutely going to bed. at a decent hour. That fits in your sleep/wake cycle.

That stuff zonks me out thank goodness. I have had insomnia since I was 14.

[aquaman]

Thanks all for the responses.

I have a hard time talking about BP with people other than my therapist and doctors. I didn't tell my parents until 2 years after I was diagnosed. Even talking to my wife is uncomfortable for me. But I guess I have no choice. Sometimes I feel like she doesn't understand how hard it can be to take care of my son. But I'd I don't talk to her about it then I'm partially to blame.

The seroquel and writing is a paradox. Last year I was on 200mg and was a very productive writer. I felt good. The fatigue was bad, but I was still able to write. This time is different for some reason. I think being horribly depressed is a factor in my writing troubles because it saps my motivation.

I see my pdoc on Monday and I'm going to see what other options I have. Maybe I need to give lithium another shot and get up to a therapeutic dose. He took me off it before increasing my dosage because of my cutting.

I don't even know what normal feels like anymore. Between all the meds, ups and downs, and pressures of every day life, I feel like a big bowl of crazy who is slowly going insane.

[aquaman]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Thank you - I had problems with non-ER. Could not take them. Eventually ran into problems with ER as well, but at higher doses.

I tried the non-ER as well. The problem was that I'd have to take it within an hour of going to bed because the instant release hit me like a rock. I'm a night owl by nature and don't always go to bed at the same time. If I took it too late I'd have a really hard time getting up because it hadn't worn off.

Seroquel is a strange drug for me. It got me out of a really deep depression, but at a high cost.

Originally Posted by aquaman

Thanks all for the responses.

I have a hard time talking about BP with people other than my therapist and doctors. I didn't tell my parents until 2 years after I was diagnosed. Even talking to my wife is uncomfortable for me. But I guess I have no choice. Sometimes I feel like she doesn't understand how hard it can be to take care of my son. But I'd I don't talk to her about it then I'm partially to blame.

The seroquel and writing is a paradox. Last year I was on 200mg and was a very productive writer. I felt good. The fatigue was bad, but I was still able to write. This time is different for some reason. I think being horribly depressed is a factor in my writing troubles because it saps my motivation.

I see my pdoc on Monday and I'm going to see what other options I have. Maybe I need to give lithium another shot and get up to a therapeutic dose. He took me off it before increasing my dosage because of my cutting.

I don't even know what normal feels like anymore. Between all the meds, ups and downs, and pressures of every day life, I feel like a big bowl of crazy who is slowly going insane.

Pls tell ur wife how you're feeling. Trust me u don't want to go into a mixed episode.

[Sarahfriend]

acquaman, taking care of a toddler is very emotionally draining. You definitely need to be able to take regular breaks.

I am a stay home Mum. Both my girls are in school now but when they were toddlers it was very hard. Some days when my husband came home from work I would tell him I couldn't take another second of them and he'd take over while I hid in the bedroom for the rest if the evening. I wanted to be home with the kids rather than be working but that didn't mean it was easy.