[venusss]

So I have taken a course of Emotional Freedom Technique (aka taping). I so should use it, but for that I would have to write down my emotions and chose the biggest problem first.

And I don't wanna.

I am just afraid what I am hiding inside. Maybe it's not something that should be unleashed.

I am trying to balance quite a few things. Be there for few people, but it's taking toll on me. I need Venus time. Not Venus time carefully snatched between job hunting, being someone's shoulder to lean on... Venus time where I can unashamedly watch Eurovision videos or what not and not feel bad that I should be studying or writing cover letters and pretending I really wear pantsuit daily and happily and solving my living situation...

But I worry so. About if I will find a job, if I will be able to function in that work environment (not really bipolar thing. Bohemian thing... still). About my loved ones. About the state of world (I look towards NoKo rather anxiously. My own country is mess too).

And I feel again bit crazy. Paranoid. I will not furtherly write why (because I am paranoid about that )... but it just lingers. Moreover I do believe it's not all unreasonable... just blown out of proportion.

Last few days... I have been bit out of it. Before falling asleep I experience... hallucination possibly? of dying... in many different ways. Seeing things, some disturbing (like illusions that my body is bleeding or on fire). I know I will get through... but it's taking toll on me.

In two weeks I am leading an international project. Need to be fine and enthusiastic for it. Maybe being around people for a change will help. Who knows.

[Trippin2.0]

Venus, Venus, Venus, my crazy sister from another mister, NOW is the exact right time for VENUS TIME.

You have been dealing with stressful life-changing issues, graduating, job searching, home improvements, mommy-handling etc etc, and you've been doing this all admirably

Lots and lots of stuff and LOTS of change too, change is never easy on our psyche, its downright traumatizing at times, even when welcomed

Take the time to look after you, do something Authentically Venus, submerge yourself in Eurovision, paint out the thoughts you cannot yet voice, whatever floats your boat really. Make time for that!

The things you don't yet want to face, its ok to put them on the backburner, you already have enough to contend with as is. You can grab that bull by the horns once you feel more centred.

Please look after yourself, and please pm me if you would feel more comfortable talking in private.

I know you're not a fan, but here's a big bear anyway

Glad you posted, you're gonna kick this things a.s.s in no time, just watch.

[Speed3]

I think you are amazing, being able to do all that you do and also dealing with the things bipolar disorder throws at you.

I think, how ever you can make it happen, YES, you should take some really good Venus time.

Thinking about you

[faerie_moon_x]

I agree that Venus Time is exactly what you need and that you should not feel the tiniest bit guilty about it. You absolutely deserve a break. Pushing yourself 24/7 is only going to cause you to break down and not be the best Venus you can be.

You're under a lot of stress, so taking time out to regenerate is very important. You'll find everything is easier if you feel refreshed.

I know those intrusive thoughts are terrible. I get intrusive thoughts, too. I don't think they are psychosis exactly. Just violent annoying thoughts that won't leave you alone. Just remember they are not real and they can't hurt you unless you let them.

[Confusedinomicon]

Your post made me realize tapping is essentially a desentization(sp?) technique. I've been wondering how it worked so well for so long...lol.

On another note, I agree with Trippin. I have days where I make me time or do things to make myself feel better about myself. I even remember finding your youtube channel and watching cat videos...

Anyway, delegate an hour of your day to relax during these crazy times. Turn on some eurovision while dancing along and drink herbal tea. No one should be upset that you need time for yourself. It helps to have a space where all your allowed to do is relax
Then your body starts to associate that spot with relaxation. (Slower heart rate, muscles wont be tense, even.breathing etc)

I know that exposure to too many people in a day stresses me out! I work in fast food so it's important I make me time to recharge my batteries.

[venusss]

Thanks everybody. Will comment on invidual replies later...

manicky and edgy right now. I guess peeps on my project will have to do with crazy leader. Last time it worked well...

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

So I have taken a course of Emotional Freedom Technique (aka taping). I so should use it, but for that I would have to write down my emotions and chose the biggest problem first.

And I don't wanna.

I am just afraid what I am hiding inside. Maybe it's not something that should be unleashed.

I am trying to balance quite a few things. Be there for few people, but it's taking toll on me. I need Venus time. Not Venus time carefully snatched between job hunting, being someone's shoulder to lean on... Venus time where I can unashamedly watch Eurovision videos or what not and not feel bad that I should be studying or writing cover letters and pretending I really wear pantsuit daily and happily and solving my living situation...

But I worry so. About if I will find a job, if I will be able to function in that work environment (not really bipolar thing. Bohemian thing... still). About my loved ones. About the state of world (I look towards NoKo rather anxiously. My own country is mess too).

And I feel again bit crazy. Paranoid. I will not furtherly write why (because I am paranoid about that )... but it just lingers. Moreover I do believe it's not all unreasonable... just blown out of proportion.

Last few days... I have been bit out of it. Before falling asleep I experience... hallucination possibly? of dying... in many different ways. Seeing things, some disturbing (like illusions that my body is bleeding or on fire). I know I will get through... but it's taking toll on me.

In two weeks I am leading an international project. Need to be fine and enthusiastic for it. Maybe being around people for a change will help. Who knows.

Hi Venus,

It sounds like you have so much on your plate, your stuff, others' stuff -and it seems that your mind is telling you you need some time and space for yourself.

I know what it's like to feel guilty about just hanging around and doing stuff for myself (doesn't feel productive, I should be doing x and y), but I really do believe that sometimes it's necessary and you sound like you need to give yourself a break. And between all these things you need to do for your day to day living/survival -watch videos! Do what you want and need to do to relax and get your mind off of things! Guilt free.

And I hope you feel good about yourself for whatever you're doing for this international organization. You've sounded like an activist of some sort to me from your posts, and giving of yourself (your time, energy, passion, etc.), as stressful as it might be in the moment, I think can help -and you can be proud of yourself for doing it.

It sounds like it will take time, but I hope you feel better soon, and take time out for you. Maybe this isn't the best time to delve into your most painful emotions? If not, there will always be a time for that, you don't have to do it now.

Take good care.