[comicgeek007]

So my T wanted me to start keeping a journal so she could better understand my emotional states and swings. Did it, probably way more in depth than what she thought I'd write, and now I'm looking over all the stuff in there, especially the eating stuff, and want to tear out the pages and rewrite a censored version! I'm worried about the implications and to be honest, I'm really embarrassed, especially because I've already lied and downplayed the eating stuff. I'm not even sure I want to go to the appointment tomorrow! what do I do??

[Moose72]

I'd leave it. I bet she doesn't have time to read it all and she'll just ask what you ripped out.

[manicminer]

Be as open and honest as possible. The more correct info the doc has, the better a chance he or she has a getting you the help you need.

Good luck, stay strong

[comicgeek007]

I feel all the worse because I have a close friend who is in treatment for an eating disorder and I've been trying to cheer her up and convince her to not worry about food and weight but here I am obsessing over it myself! I don't want to hurt her or make her worry, but at the same time I don't know who else to turn to. I'm don't really feel like I've gotten much specific support for that here, though everyone seems really nice (I do appreciate that), but at this point I don't even know if I really ant help with that. It's become my preferred self-punishment and I don't know if I want to give it up. That's a big reason II flipped out about my T reading my journal as-is

[Victoria'smom]

Please keep everything as it is and go to the appointment.

I write a lot to my therapist in all types of moods (100+ pages 2012). My writing is not edited, or re-read, It's put right into T folder and I never see it again. That way I can't get embarrassed. T gets unedited thoughts, if she didn't she'd be concerned far before she should. T needs to know when I can't form thoughts or am thought jumping and editing wouldn't show that. If T was to worry to fast I wouldn't trust her with the things that worry me, I need to trust her. My style of writing is very graphic, and intense.

Usually the things I wont vocalize I'll write later. Just because you down-play when you talk does not mean you should when you write. It's harder to be truthful when your speaking that's probably why s/he wants it. S/he wants to see the world trough your eye's.

About the eating disorder: Being a friend does not mean that you can accept your own advice. It's hard to hurt your T and yes that's who you need to turn to. The ED board here is slow but that seems to be one thing a lot of us here deal with co-currently. Tell T you don't know if you want help or tell her you want help with BP but not ED.

I don't even know if I really ant help with that. It's become my preferred self-punishment and I don't know if I want to give it up. Say this or write this. I've told my T something similar several time. My T's always pretty good about it. Even though I say it rather venomously. T reminds me I don't always feel that way and hardly ever mentions my ED.

[comicgeek007]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Please keep everything as it is and go to the appointment.

I write a lot to my therapist in all types of moods (100+ pages 2012). My writing is not edited, or re-read, It's put right into T folder and I never see it again. That way I can't get embarrassed. T gets unedited thoughts, if she didn't she'd be concerned far before she should. T needs to know when I can't form thoughts or am thought jumping and editing wouldn't show that. If T was to worry to fast I wouldn't trust her with the things that worry me, I need to trust her. My style of writing is very graphic, and intense.

Usually the things I wont vocalize I'll write later. Just because you down-play when you talk does not mean you should when you write. It's harder to be truthful when your speaking that's probably why s/he wants it. S/he wants to see the world trough your eye's.

About the eating disorder: Being a friend does not mean that you can accept your own advice. It's hard to hurt your T and yes that's who you need to turn to. The ED board here is slow but that seems to be one thing a lot of us here deal with co-currently. Tell T you don't know if you want help or tell her you want help with BP but not ED.

I don't even know if I really ant help with that. It's become my preferred self-punishment and I don't know if I want to give it up. Say this or write this. I've told my T something similar several time. My T's always pretty good about it. Even though I say it rather venomously. T reminds me I don't always feel that way and hardly ever mentions my ED.

Thanks for the advice. To clarify, I didn't mean my T had an eating disorder (that I know of?), but I have a very close friend that does. I don't know if I should tell my friend/seek support from her. Even with this site as an outlet, it's hard to feel I can't tell anyone for fear of emotional backlash, lecturing, or getting locked up in some half-***ed psych ward.