My husband say's I am not depressed

Speed3 · Apr 05, 2013, 03:39 PM

He says I don't understand or listen. I don't need any help or talk to anyone about my bipolar disorder.

He has been doing this for a long time and he knows it all.

Wow, he is in for a rude awakening ?

Don't you love it when your love ones support you ??

I am not supposed to be on here anymore, because you guys fill me with all the wrong information, according to him.

Well I guess our IQ scores got reversed all of a sudden. Our someone beat me with a stupid stick.

Apr 05, 2013, 03:47 PM

Aw, Speed. You just don't deserve this. He isn't right; you know that, and he doesn't know it all.

If you want my honest opinion, I think he's unconsciously trying
to move you away from anything that stirs memories of your son or your grief. He's in grief, too, and is handling it the best way he knows how.

It's your choice about what you want to do in regard to the forum, and people here are not giving you bad advice; they mean well in their efforts to help you get through a traumatic situation. Just be still and know that God is ultimately in control of it all.

Keep up with Daily Devotion if you would like.

Take care and let us hear from you as you wish. Everyone supports you.

Prayer going up now for you to be strong against anger. (Anger is a frustration of the drive for love, Speed, so know that beneath the advice, he is trying to save his love for you.)

Apr 05, 2013, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Speed3

He says I don't understand or listen. I don't need any help or talk to anyone about my bipolar disorder.

He has been doing this for a long time and he knows it all.

Wow, he is in for a rude awakening ?

Don't you love it when your love ones support you ??

I am not supposed to be on here anymore, because you guys fill me with all the wrong information, according to him.

Well I guess our IQ scores got reversed all of a sudden. Our someone beat me with a stupid stick.

I love the "someone beat me with a stupid stick"(quote), that's great. I can relate to what you are saying. My husband tells me he realizes that I get depressed and I have problems and I take medications for it but that's beside the point. His world revolves around who he is and I need to deal with it. insensitivity happens.
warm thoughts

bluewave7 · Apr 05, 2013, 04:06 PM

I know how you feel. Even though my husband knows I'm depressed he's not overly concerned and doesn't want to talk about it. I feel pretty lonely. I guess he's tired of it or he's running from it. He closes down. Sounds like this is a way your husband is coping unsuccessfully too...in a different way...yet the same...a turning away from...an escape. At least we have each other here to support us. A manic depressive knows when he/she is depressed; especially if you've been dealing with it as long as I have. It doesn't make it any easier. Sending prayers your way.

bluewave7 · Apr 05, 2013, 04:14 PM

Sounds like he's running from the pain and trying to escape or deny the depression. It feel lonely when my husband is doing this as he is now. It's like it's not registering with him that I don't want to go out with friends so instead of staying with me he opts to go alone. Then I feel bad for not feeling good enough to go. I feel if one is manic depressive we need the support here or at other places. So I am sending prayers and reminding you that only you know what is going on with you. Us manic depressives, know when the depression cycle hits and it's not fun.

BlueInanna · Apr 05, 2013, 04:30 PM

Do most men deal with any emotional issue by pretending it's not there?? I've never seen my bf cry, he says he hasn't cried since his dog died, so he didn't cry for his divorce or her miscarriage...

I think I prefer open emotional men.

You don't deserve this b.s. from him, he's being a dufus.

Maybe there's a way to get him to understand ... like a 2x4 upside the... oops kidding...

Seriously, what does he think the hospitalizations have been about??

punkypunky · Apr 05, 2013, 05:07 PM

Perhaps your hubby needs to go to therapy with you. He isn't being supportive.

Or he needs to go to a support group for spouses of people with bipolar disorder/mental illness etc. Maybe he is just frustrated and trying to act like it doesn't exist.

I'm sorry he isn't being supportive. :-(

thebelljar12 · Apr 05, 2013, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Speed3

He says I don't understand or listen. I don't need any help or talk to anyone about my bipolar disorder.

He has been doing this for a long time and he knows it all.

Wow, he is in for a rude awakening ?

Don't you love it when your love ones support you ??

I am not supposed to be on here anymore, because you guys fill me with all the wrong information, according to him.

Well I guess our IQ scores got reversed all of a sudden. Our someone beat me with a stupid stick.

I'm not bluntly trying to be sexist here, but *most* of the replies here have said that men sometimes have a more "sweep it under the rug" approach.. Or "dealing with it like a man" as my husband would say.

I would say, this forum helps me get support from people who are going through the same things that I am. This is not up for discussion. If that doesn't work, or maybe you should do this anyway, I'd have him come along for a therapy session. It really helps to get an unbiased person to convince him that you do need help.

I would also say that everyone has their own way of dealing with their issues, he shouldn't be judging you.

Hang in there!
Lisa

Yoda · Apr 05, 2013, 10:40 PM

I am sorry your H is not being supportive.

Pierro · Apr 06, 2013, 07:29 AM

Speed3 I agree with above, Most men cant handle the pressure of a spouce with a mental illness, I have one of those too. I'm not painting them all with the one brush but they dont SEE it as an illness, but thats just my opinion. If you cant see it its not broken ? Right. I'm sure he feels helpless in his own way. My husband tells me that i;m making him depressed, I could be.

bluemountains · Apr 06, 2013, 01:41 PM

I am sorry, Speed. I agree with the others who say that he's dealing with his grief in a different way. When my husband and I suffered a tragedy many years ago, I couldn't believe that he wanted to move on as if nothing had happened, while I couldn't get out of bed for a week, and after that I got so angry that the world was going on while I was suffering.
I hope he will take some time at some point to understand the meaning of clinical depression. Maybe you can coax him to go with you to one of your appts., as someone else suggested.
Keep working on yourself, Speed!
Bluemountains

Speed3 · Apr 06, 2013, 03:16 PM

Over the last 20yrs my hubby has gone on numerous therapy sessions with me. He hates it, nor will he take what they say seriously. He has always had a hard time with my depressions.
He feel abandon or something.

But this depression is very bad. In Jan. he wanted me to go into the hospital. I wasn't nearly as depressed or attempted any overdoses.

About 10 days ago I took an overdose of my High Blood Pressure Med. When I started passing out, I told him. He said ok, but I am not taking you to the ER. He took my pressure about 3 times and said I was ok. I did wake up the next day. But his attitude was like so what !

I did go to the ER on my own a few days later, but they did not keep me. Again he had little compassion about my mental condition.

If I do it again, I will just pass out and not tell him.

~Christina · Apr 06, 2013, 03:50 PM

Speed... I am sorry that your husband is treating you so poorly. But taking the OD's is not a solution to your situation. It really doesn't matter if your husband believes you or not. You need help. You know you need help. So reach out, find any and all help you can find. For now don't even worry what he thinks, he is not what you need to even worry about. You need to fight for YOUR happiness. It's attainable.

Kristiemarie · Apr 07, 2013, 03:12 PM

My husband (boyfriend at the time of all this) told me for a long time that I didn't need meds. He finally stopped telling me I didn't need them but never really talked about or accepted the fact that I needed them to function. He was sort of like, whatever made me happy. Then, things changed after the birth of our first daughter. I started acting way outside of my normal. Enough so that a few months ago, when I first got my dx of bp, he told me that sometimes, he felt like I was a different person. That was the click for him. He now recognizes that something is wrong but he still won't talk about it. And I'm sure the words "my wife has bipolar" will never cross his lips. He doesn't not support me but he doesn't support me either, kwim? It's lonely sometimes. I know he loves me but I think that people who aren't in these shoes (mental illness) just can't understand. It's like asking someone with diabetes to tell you how it feels to be diabetic. They can tell you but you'll never really know unless you yourself become diabetic. Mental illness is even more difficult because it's invisible. You can't visually see the sickness, except through manifestations and those can be seen as someone just acting out.

I guess my point is that I hear you. I'm in the same ocean, and maybe even the same boat, as you.