[Speed3]

I have been packed all week waiting for a bed on the Psyc Unit where I having been going for 12 years. This is the only one my insurance covers 100%.

Early yesterday I sent a message to my PDOC to ask If one opened he replied no. I then put my phone on the charger.

About 4 hours later he sent a message, he did not call, one opened but come ASAP. I did not get the message till 3 hours later because my phone was in the other room and I wasn't expecting anything from him. 10 minutes after this MSG he sends if you don't take this bed don't bother me anymore or ask about beds. Again this was a MSG not a phone call which I would have heard.

My husband must have had a hard day at work. He was home for a bit then started verbally abusing me out of the blue. I told him to stop and he threw a magazine and hit me in the head. He said if I had a baseball I would knock you out.

I froze up inside and said nothing because he was in a rage.
I wake up early about a half an hour before him. He started in with the verbal abuse again this morning. I went to my bedroom and shut the door and waited for him to leave.

I will admit all morning I have been thinking about ending my life
Because I see no way out. I can't call my PDOC he doesn't want to be bothered. I am so depressed and anxious it is hard to think about options and I don't have energy to do anything about my situation.

I just sent a private message, Speed. Am praying for you to find the right rehabilitation center. Will add only what I said in the private message, in part: your
husband is a catalyst for the stress in your grief. You need respite and things will
be better.

[faerie_moon_x]

I agree your husband is a catalyst in many ways. Abuse on top of grief is not helping you. Perhaps pdoc is the wrong answer now. Maybe you first need to get out of your house and away from your husband.

Your pdoc is such a jerk. It's wrong of him to refuse help because you were unable to receive a text. Perhaps you need to get into a hospital regardless of the charge. You're worth more than money, Speed. I know its' hard because I have no insurance and put myself last alot, too. But, you're worth more than money.

[wildflowerchild25]

I agree, just go to the ER or screening center and get in somewhere, anywhere. My husband didn't have insurance and went to the ER a few times so I am an expert at delaying medical bills. At least in the US, as long as you pay something a month they can't take you to collections. We paid one off by 25 dollars a month. You can do even less. So just to somewhere to get Away from your abusive husband.

[H3rmit]

That is so aggravating when people make unreasonable assumptions about your technology access. And unprofessional. I wish I could intervene and call your husband on his BS. I hate to see people abused, particularly when they are already way down! The helpers aren't helping.

[winter4me]

I am so sorry to hear this. I wish I thought it rare, I agree with dark heart. Forget about the money, let the bills pile up on this one if you need to.
Get help, get out if you must, and if you are in an ER make the pdoc talk to another doc there & at the hospital to get you where you need to be----and remember, there are more pdocs in the world--- once you get to a safe place don't "forget" or rationalize your husband's behavior; and don't let him do it either...
If you have a supportive friend/relative now would be a time to reach out, and tell them the truth about what is going on (I don't know if you tend to downplay the situation but something in the way your present it makes me think you might...) This is not your fault.

[comicgeek007]

See if you could go to a place that is inconveniently far away from your husband. It will be worth every penny to get safe and secure help that you need. Remember that you are stronger than your situation. Strong and smart enough to reach out when you need help. You can do this, Speed.

[Trippin2.0]

I would suggest you report the pdoc, I'm sure his behaviour would be frowned upon (atleast). Someone needs to know how he is ill-treating his patients.

Furthermore, I agree with darkheart...

Please stay safe and keep posting(((((((Speed))))))))

[BlueInanna]

wow... both of these men are acting like pissy beyoches... wtf... !!
very unprofessional of pdoc - you didn't know he'd be texting and keep phone near you. hopefully you could somehow let him know that.
and H... physical and verbal abuse... that's what it is. it's wrong and you deserve to be treated nicely! i wish you 2 could get in some therapy togehter.

[pink&grey]

I feel for you. The one time I've been admitted, and then left for intense outpatient, was when I was depressed and in an emotionally abusive marriage. That intense treatment was exactly what I needed for BOTH of those situations. It changed my life for the better and help me to see myself and my relationship in a different way.

Some pdocs are jerks. This reminds me of one I dealt with once. Some of what he said to me while depressed, divorcing while pregnant and having to go off meds, makes therapists jaws drop. But you know what, getting inpatient treatment is also the first step for you to find another/better P. I know you're tired and money is an obstacle, but plow through it, find a way, because I really believe it will be worth it! You know, I remember freaking about the money when I went (about 7 years ago). Now I don't even remember the struggle of paying it off, but I did - by myself and over time. You can too so try not to worry too much about that piece.

[bluemountains]

Hi Speed, It seems that you just can't get a break! Hard day at work, whatever, your husband has no right to treat you so poorly. It sounds like he needs treatment, too, for anger issues. I hope you are able to get some effective mental treatment soon. You have done well to maintain as you have, even though I know you are quite fragile.
I'm still praying for you Speed!
Bluemountains