[Got Java]

A couple of months ago I had got into a big blowout with a good friend that has bi polar and they pretty much wrote me out of there life.

I tried my best to reach out and tell this person I was extremely sorry for hurting there feelings after they went above and beyond in my opinion to help me get the help I needed to deal with my depression and anxiety.I could always count on them to be there for me and I told them I would do the same as well.

I tried to let things cool off and the dust to settle for a bit. I wrote them an e mail explaining that it was all a misunderstanding and I was really torn up inside and deeply feeling horrible about how I could do this to a person that wanted me to be better and cared so much about me. I tried to communicate with them with text and even went to see them in person.

I was told that I was not a friend anymore and leave them alone and never come by again. I really didn't think I could have hurt someone so bad that they could never want me to be around them ever again.

I miss the friendship I had with this person everyday and I wish they knew how much they did for me to help me in ways that made me realize that things can be better.

I never exposed my true self to anyone before and realized what I been dealing with until I broke down in front of this person and they realized that I needed help in seeing a therapist with my mental state I was having.

I just want to say that they were a turning point in my life that made me realize that I had a serious mental issue and I needed to get help to heal myself and to deal with my problems.I cant live with myself knowing that I made someone who would do anything for me not want to even know I exsist anymore.

I have to deal with this pain everyday now and Its brings me to tears and such heartache what happened between us. Its hurts more that I have to avoid this person all of this time because the pain is too much to bare to even see this person it makes me feel distressed and emotionally distraught to a point I cant function.

Does anyone have any idea what I should do?? I really need to make things right and I cant go on living with this guilt and pain I caused between us

[notALICE]

My opinion only.

Mourning a loss of a good friend is very painful, but try to let go of your guilt and pain. Know you've tried everything to right a wrong.

You gave things time, but maybe more time is needed for them. Maybe they'll eventually come back to you.

I really, really hope it works out. Try to go easier on yourself.

My best wishes on this your way...

[faerie_moon_x]

I'm very sorry this happened to you.

I have a similar thing but it goes the other way. I'm the person with old friends I never want to see again because of how they hurt me. One of them recently reached out to me after about 8 years, but I'm still very upset at them. I was completely betrayed by them and I actually made a post about here on the bored called "unexpected contact," which actually tells the whole story about why I can never trust any of them again.

So,you didn't say exactly what the falling out was. But, I think everyone has lines that once you cross them, there is not going back. On another note, though, there's also the idea that sometimes with bipolar comes some psychosis. And often that manifests as paranoia. And, that paranoia can latch onto things and make them look worse than they are. Sometimes, it goes away and you realize that it was illogical. Sometimes even if it goes away, you got yourself so worked up on what happened, you can't even remember what actually happened, and so you never heal from it.

So, I dont' know how long ago this happened. But maybe give it more time. Like that old saying about "if you love someone let them go." I don't think that's just necessarily for romantic relationships, but all relationships. And, it sounds like you've done everything you could do. You appologized, reached out, and everything that you needed to repair things. Now, it's really up to them, and there's nothing you can do but let go and just see what happens.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Got Java

I have to deal with this pain everyday now and Its brings me to tears and such heartache what happened between us. Its hurts more that I have to avoid this person all of this time because the pain is too much to bare to even see this person it makes me feel distressed and emotionally distraught to a point I cant function.

Does anyone have any idea what I should do?? I really need to make things right and I cant go on living with this guilt and pain I caused between us

I think you are being too hard on yourself and whipping yourself needlessly. You cannot really know what the other person is feeling if they are not interested in communicating with you other than that they do not wish to communicate with you anymore, that is their problem.

They could be angry, they could even be happy/relieved, they could be anything at all but what they are is based on their lives and outlook and doesn't really have anything to do with you. For all you know, someone else could have hurt them the day before you and they argued and the combined, set off by the other person, contributed more to their reaction to you than you, yourself did. They may be having their own spell at the moment and maybe they'll come out of it and want to be friends again, maybe they won't. But if you keep focusing on what you cannot know or do anything about, you will stay stuck and hurting and that would be more hurtful to you than anything you could have done to "cause" this person to not want to see you again.

this happens to me a hell of a lot too.

sorry you had to experience it.

((((((hugs)))))

[Cocosurviving]

I think it was very humble of you to apologize.
I have also heard of ppl losing frds over this, but
I'm a bit shocked since she has BP as well.
I know this is really hard but time will heal this.
Don't beat ur self up over this, it happens a lot.
We don't mean to hurt the ppl we love, it the BP
that takes over. The moods and episodes mess things up
for us.

[Darth Bane]

Got Java, almost everyone with mood disorders does that sometimes. but remember it was not you it was your depression or in my case it is my bipolar which is to blame. give it the time and your relationship will heal. since your friend is bipolar i am sure he will understand. trust me - time kill everything - not only good memories but bad memories too. your friend will forget all about this incident after some time...

[Dylanzmama]

I'm so sorry you're going thru this. Doing nothing and letting people not like,even hate you, is the hardest thing to do. You're not alone...my sister,uncle,cousin,and most likely dad are done with me because of what I did when I was manic. It's horrible and I can barely function, but I HAVE to let it go.
There won't be any reconciliation for me-hope there is for you. But we can't control it we have to accept the unacceptable.
Heidi

Well, everyone is right in his own way about this. I have another view, though, and
want to share it with you.

Sometimes people break a friendship in an effort to preserve the integrity and goodness of the friend's life. Who's to say that your former friend didn't break
the relationship because he/she felt that you deserve to have more compassionate
and caring people in your life? We never, never know what others are thinking.

What is most important for you is that you did the best you knew how to do at
the time you forgave and tried to make amends. That's all that can be expected of anyone. From here on out, your biggest effort should be directed at "Forgiving and
Moving On." (Actually , that's the title of a little self-help paperback that is very
helpful in overcoming guilt and remorse, etc.)

In seeking forgiveness, you freed yourself from lifelong regret, in my view. I don't
think even God Himself expects us to do more than that in life.

Live by your own deepest principles and stop judging yourself. That way you'll win
in life and maintain your integrity. At first glance I would observe that you have
an astounding sense of personal integrity and compassion. The person who gave
up your friendship lost a truly remarkable person.

Go on with your life; there are many, many people who would be happy to have your friendship. Such a former friendship may just not be destined to continue. You may live to see why, in my view.