[~Christina]

Yes ! I am stupid. Why ? Well apparently I am unable to keep boundaries up so that I don't allow people to overwhelm me or even use me ( or at least that how it feels)

I am always wanting to help people, that is just part of who I am, But, so often it is just a one sided relationship .. WTF? do I have a stamp on my forehead that says " dump everything on me and walk away?" Really no need to even ask how I am or if I am ok....

I'm sorry for ranting, I had to get this out of my head or I was going blow up and do god knows what.

I have only myself to blame

[kaliope]

this seems to be the way it plays out when you are a giver. people take, take, take and give nothing in return. you just have to remember why you are giving. because you are a kind, loving person who gives unconditionally. it does get trying at times. who is there to give to you? you just need to start hanging out with a better class of people. cut off those relationships that arent two ways. you dont need people in your life that are constantly draining you and give nothing in return. surround yourself with people who surround you with positivity. then you will give and recieve and never be left feeling empty like you are now.

[Moose72]

I hope I am not a huge taker. I know I've been really needy lately.

[faerie_moon_x]

Vent and dump all you want, sis. It's terrible when people do that. Don't hold it in or it will poison you.

Feel free to vent to me any time you want. Okay?

[bipolarOne79]

Thanks for the advice that you have given me, hope I didn't help bring this feeling on.

Oh Christina! I'm just like you, and I haven't found a way to break the cycle, but my new T thinks that w/ some DBT, I can change that. But God do I know how you feel. B/c you just talked about be, and didn't even know it.

If it helps, I'll give you a hug.

[winkynjr]

Christina I too am usually the same way! I go out of my way to help others and then get stabbed in the back! When you figure out how to stop it feel free to share. it also really gives me a lot of trust issues as if I don't have enough already.
Also Thankyou so very much for all the advice you have given me in this little bit of time I have been part of this awesome sight.

[BipolaRNurse]

I think you have a lot of company here, Christina. So many of us give, give, and give until it literally hurts; unfortunately, this makes us flypaper for freaks and users and abusers. Toxic people who fill us up with toxic thoughts and self-loathing. You catch my drift.

All I can say is, don't let the bastards get you down! Try to surround yourself with people who deserve your wonderful spirit and kind heart, and lose the losers......you are so much more valuable than you know.

[BlueInanna]

I feel ya lady, I took one of those stamps on my forehead when they were passing them out. I'm working on boundaries too, always.

[Trippin2.0]

Oh ((((((((((sis)))))))))) you are not stupid! Please vent and rant away. Takers never fathom how easily they damage us givers. I've learned to keep my distance (to some degree anyway) and I try my best to give selectively.

Please take good care of you

[BlueInanna]

Any better today? Thinking of you!!

[middlepath]

I end up feeling the same way at times. One time I was expressing those feelings to my friend who happens to also be a licensed marriage and family counselor. She said, "im taking off my "friend" hat and putting on my "therapist" hat for this reply". She continued, "some people are very self-absorbed and unaware of the needs of others. those people do not have the capacity to give back to you so your expectations for them need to be adjusted". She then went back to being my friend : ). But, what helps me, whenever I feel like I am being crapped on is to look at that person and just say to myself (in the words of my dear friend)..."this person does not have the capacity to give back to me right now". somehow it helps to know that the love i give out is just a gift and one that need not be returned. Of course, when you have a deeply compassionate heart, it is inevitable to give more than you take which unfortunately leaves people like us feeling hurt and unsupported or like doormats at times. I sure hope your feelings mend quickly. ~~~sending some supportive energy for you~~~

[~Christina]

Thank you everyone
I am really sorry for everyone that deals with the same problems.

Love you .. alot

[Trippin2.0]

We love you bunches too sis

[BlueInanna]

It's a hard thing to change. Figuring out and setting up boundaries has to be my biggest challenge. And I do view it as a character flaw in myself, I do feel stupid for it. But I would never want you to feel stupid for it, you are not stupid! Now must also learn how to speak to myself as kindly.

[~Christina]

Blue ! Don't feel stupid .. hmmm because if I cant you can't


Anyway ~
Based on what all of you have told me, this problems seems to run rampant for so many of us. I do not believe it is a " Bipolar thing" I think its just being the type of person that is a giver and willing to help everyone and anyone that crosses our path.

I am not sure exactly how to stop people from just taking taking taking. I have read a load about ways to protect myself and all the advice from all of you . So I am hopeful that I will be able to break the cycle.

I can't imagine muddling through life with out you guys

[Trippin2.0]

I've learned to give selectively. Granted those selected people still manage to drain me, so its a WIP... its not easy, you can't just change your nature overnight, but with practice we can learn to protect ourselves to a certain extent. I hope you figure out how to break the cycle soon Love you muchness

[BlueInanna]

I agree not "a bipolar thing". My immediate theory is that we've been through suffering which made us more compassionate? Hmmm no there's holes in that one - I've been a doormat far too many times - which led to much of my suffering. So maybe it doesn't really matter why we do it, more importantly we figure out how to quit doing it!!

I should recognize my own recent improvements - work in progress like Lia says

But dammit we can do this, we can change, we can choke out that false neural doormat pathway! Clear thinking, planning, pause before action or engaging. Confrontation (which I run from!) and clear communication, or just cutting off communication (my preference :/ ) when necessary. And it will become habit before we know it.

God bless my sweet daughter knows how to do this, "Mom, I can't do this I can't play your therapist." Got me thinking for sure - I never meant to do that to her. And I'm ok after, I find someone else to talk it through with. Or journal or another outlet. And that was probably the most helpful thing she could've told me at the time. Made me think and change. So my point is that saying No can actually be the best way to help someone sometimes.

[sprik]

i always take on other people problems as my own, i hate seeing people hurting if I can help. I get hurt alot . But once in a million years I meet that great person who needs me as much as I need them and it work out.

[Diversion]

Hi Christina! I'm so sorry to hear you have been going through this. I'll be honest. I am a taker. I've been told this and am now coming to terms with it. I don't want to be a taker, but I don't seem to have a lot of control over what I am.
However, I do not think being a "taker" means it is ok to keep taking from those who cannot give anymore.
My mother is a giver for instance. When I recently moved back home she tried every way in the world to keep helping me even if it was going to hurt her. I had to tell her to stop. I told her that I knew she meant well but that hurting herself to help me wasn't really helping me.
I know it's hard and I would never imply it's your fault, but working on making boundaries is really important when you are a giver dealing with a taker. If you make it clear when you can't do anymore and they still feel like you should then that is their problem, not yours.
I am learning to not ever be mad or resentful at someone because they couldn't help.

I hope that made sense.