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  #1  
Old Jul 23, 2013, 09:16 AM
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Nessa213 Nessa213 is offline
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So I have an appointment next week. Next week to the day actually.

Since Thursday I feel like I've been losing it. Like... legit.

I'm at work right now. Decided taking two days off in a row wasn't really... smart. So. I'm trying.

But I really can't work. My hands are SO shaky right now and my heart is actually racing out of my chest. I'm trying to calm down and every once in a while I'll be good. I mean it's not a constant thing by any means. It's kind of like... waves. If that makes sense.

The real trouble is, if I told him what I was actually thinking... or what I actually did... I think I'd go to the hospital. And I really trying to fight it. Fight it to tears really. If they ask me that "Are you a danger to yourself or others"... well I can't really say "no" to that if we're being perfectly honest.

God this took a long time to type out it seems.

So... would you wait a week... maybe it'll go away? Maybe? His office is closed today anyway. And I feel kind of lame anyway since it IS such an on-again-off-again type of thing.
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  #2  
Old Jul 23, 2013, 09:25 AM
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Nessa213 Nessa213 is offline
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double post... cause yay me... that's why.

I think I need to go sit in a quiet room staring at the wall for about a week. If no one's around me or all up in my business I'm pretty good.

Still shaky.

but you'll have that.
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  #3  
Old Jul 23, 2013, 09:34 AM
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manymiles manymiles is offline
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I'm sorry you are having a tough time. Now sounds like a good time to call the doctor. it's scary but you don't have to suffer like this.
  #4  
Old Jul 23, 2013, 09:43 AM
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faerie_moon_x faerie_moon_x is offline
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If you feel you're in danger call your doctor. That's what I think.
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  #5  
Old Jul 23, 2013, 09:48 AM
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gayleggg gayleggg is offline
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I'm in agreement. It's time to call the doctor. Sorry you are having such a tough time. Hang in there until you can see you doctor.
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  #6  
Old Jul 23, 2013, 10:49 AM
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A Red Panda A Red Panda is offline
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I'd call Nessa... it'll hopefully be better in the long run if you get some help/attention sooner rather than later. I'm so sorry to hear that things are staying so tough for you
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Old Jul 23, 2013, 11:03 AM
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Secretum Secretum is offline
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I think you should call. Maybe there is a simple med change that will allow you to avoid the hospital. Also consider calling a hotline, and trying to get an extra appointment in with your t if you have one. Maybe just talking about what is making you feel so crappy will make you feel better. You can also try journaling.

If you start to act on your thoughts, please do not hesitate to call 911. I know that you don't want to go to the hospital, but it could save your life.
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  #8  
Old Jul 23, 2013, 12:12 PM
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wildflowerchild25 wildflowerchild25 is offline
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Call. It might end up in hospital but at least you won't have to continue suffering. and i agree maybe a med change can help you avoid the hospital. If you let it go it could get better but it could get worse and your impulsivity could cause you to do something harmful.

Hugs for you. I hope you feel better soon.
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  #9  
Old Jul 23, 2013, 03:40 PM
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BipolaRNurse BipolaRNurse is offline
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I'm stubborn to my own detriment about calling my pdoc when something's wrong, but I'll tell you right now that you DEFINITELY need to call yours. Doing it now may save you a hospitalization, as your doctor might prescribe for you or advise you on changing doses over the phone if he doesn't feel you are a danger to yourself. And if you are, then the hospital is the right place for you to be so you can get stabilized while staying safe.
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  #10  
Old Jul 23, 2013, 03:51 PM
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Nessa213 Nessa213 is offline
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Thanks everyone.

I ended up calling. I kind of had a little bit of a breakdown during lunch and my husband made me promise that I would call.

He won't be able to call me back until after 6 when he's done with his other patients. Even though right NOW I'm feeling better.

It was like an anxiety attack or something that was going on before. My chest hurt to breathe, my hands would NOT stop shaking, I sounded like a damn fool when I tried to talk to anyone, my heart was racing and I couldn't even see straight.

But... after calling, the receptionist lady that I talked to was SUPER nice, so I think that helped a bit. She was very calming... I must have sounded panicked, so she picked up on that. heh
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  #11  
Old Jul 23, 2013, 04:09 PM
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A Red Panda A Red Panda is offline
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I'm really proud of you! I'm glad that you called and said what you needed to say.

And thank goodness for a good receptionist!! The person who answers the phone can make such a huge world of difference.
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"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..."

"I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am.


  #12  
Old Jul 23, 2013, 06:19 PM
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middlepath middlepath is offline
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Nessa I am glad you called. I was going to suggest you call, as well. Sometimes making the decision to pick up the phone is the hardest part. Please give an update on your wellbeing. ((HUGS))
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  #13  
Old Jul 23, 2013, 06:41 PM
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Nessa213 Nessa213 is offline
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I must really suck at talking to doctors. I tried really hard to tell him EXACTLY how I was feeling and how legitimately scared I was about my uncontrollable rage that I'd had.

He upped my Lamictal to 150mg from 100mg. That was it. So we'll see. (Um... last I read Lamictal really only helps.. um... depression.. so... weird)

I'm not saying I was angling for some kind of anxiety med, but damn. Today freaking sucked. I would have murdered someone for a klonopin or an ativan. Or SOMEthing.

He reminded me of the reason I'm switching doctors. I'm glad he called me back, don't get me wrong. He's not an awful doctor... a little distant... a little inattentive. But not like a bad GUY. (literal sigh)

I get it. Bipolar treatment is really hard. I get it. Several days go by and I'm completely different person. Got it. But Jesus... it's gotta get better than this, right?
__________________
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Seroquel XR 100mg

Labetalol for high blood pressure
Hugs from:
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  #14  
Old Jul 23, 2013, 08:07 PM
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wildflowerchild25 wildflowerchild25 is offline
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I hope it does nessa. If not we're all in trouble.

Anyway maybe the lamictal increase will even you out a little to help control the rage.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
-Albus Dumbledore

That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it
f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have.
-Garden State
  #15  
Old Jul 24, 2013, 02:30 PM
Irishbipolar Irishbipolar is offline
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Posts: 2
Nessa, if somebody posted this message on the forum, what would you suggest? Sometimes we don't afford ourselves the same kindness and concern that we afford to others. Please mind yourself and contact the doctor. Make those who love you and care for you aware of how you are feeling too. I hope that you will get the help that you need. Remember that you are worth it!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nessa213 View Post
So I have an appointment next week. Next week to the day actually.

Since Thursday I feel like I've been losing it. Like... legit.

I'm at work right now. Decided taking two days off in a row wasn't really... smart. So. I'm trying.

But I really can't work. My hands are SO shaky right now and my heart is actually racing out of my chest. I'm trying to calm down and every once in a while I'll be good. I mean it's not a constant thing by any means. It's kind of like... waves. If that makes sense.

The real trouble is, if I told him what I was actually thinking... or what I actually did... I think I'd go to the hospital. And I really trying to fight it. Fight it to tears really. If they ask me that "Are you a danger to yourself or others"... well I can't really say "no" to that if we're being perfectly honest.

God this took a long time to type out it seems.

So... would you wait a week... maybe it'll go away? Maybe? His office is closed today anyway. And I feel kind of lame anyway since it IS such an on-again-off-again type of thing.
  #16  
Old Jul 24, 2013, 10:05 PM
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Skittles56 Skittles56 is offline
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Location: North Carolina
Posts: 279
Are you on an antipsychotic along with your Lamictal? My psychiatrist says that Lamictal keeps you from falling too low and the antipsychotic keeps you from flying too high. I have rage problems too. I can't really tell you which of my meds keeps the rage under control, but I suspect it is a combination of both of them. I'm on 400 mg of Lamictal and 300 mg of Seroquel XR.

I know how you feel. It took a while for my doctor to get my meds right. Meanwhile, I thought I was losing it and came very close to going to the hospital. I kept pestering my doctor until we got it right. I feel better now than I have in almost two years. What I'm saying is, don't be afraid to call your doctor. Pester the hell out of him until he gets it right.

I hope you get better.
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