evaluating, over evaluating... monitoring oneself always...
clueing people in to where you are at, emotionally and moodwise....
whether on the upswing or downswing.... or stable even

I know that being caught unprepared in a manic state can really hurt someone. I know that. But I don't get full mania. So for me... what's the big deal really?

I mean, my wife has been bugging me to share more about where I am at. I usually just deal with whatever and make sure that there is no impact on the family or those around me. I'm good at that. But, what good would it do to point out to her that my cycle is on the downswing? There's nothing I can do about it... and her knowing about it would make it that much harder to minimize and/or eliminate the effect that it has on those around me. So it's my thinking to think, "what's the point?"

honestly, I don't even think I'm honest with myself about where I am at most of the time. I know how to play the game! that is my focus. I know how to handle being hypo and not letting people on to the fact. Same with depression. that one is much harder to hide, but during those weeks I do a pretty damn impressive job nonetheless.

I know that if I were to examine every mood shift that I had during the day I would drive myself crazy. It used to scare me feeling the shifts once I knew what to look for. I don't like feeling sick. I do feel sick when I open up and let someone in though.

It's like it makes it real. In my mind, it's all just a big game. A game of how much I can not let on that there is a problem.

I take this game very seriously.

Does anyone else relate to this? Are you pretty open now? Or is ignorance still bliss?

[Confusedinomicon]

I just tell people about my mood if I become concerned something isn't right. Otherwise its fruitless to overthink symptoms. It can make it worse.

Yes! Yes it can and it does! Thank you! I am usually alone in my thinking when I think about such things.

[~Christina]

I'm good at that. But, what good would it do to point out to her that my cycle is on the downswing? There's nothing I can do about it...

^ this .. I don't feel that it's hopeless ... I feel there are many things that can be done to help decrease the severity of episodes , maybe not all the time but.. I think its possible.

I thinking excessive over monitoring of our mood is unhelpful.

I don't feel the need to advise my spouse on my moods. Unless I am spinning off into a ugly Manic episode I don't see the point..

I usually do a check 30 second check on my overall mood once every few days. If I am upright and going about my life .. Then I am fine.

"Thank you for saying this!" It means a lot to know that I am not alone in my thinking!

[A Red Panda]

I don't tell people where I am mentally or emotionally very often. They can tell on their own based on my behaviour or whatever it is I'm talking about, or, they don't need to know.

Although in contrast to you, I think that there is a LOT I can do when I start to notice that I'm in an up or a down. I can in fact reduce the amount of depression or hypomania I will feel if I catch it early enough. I'm not totally helpless with it. Not if I notice it early enough. It can mean the difference between a suicidal-feeling depression and just a really teary one. It can mean the difference between a hyper hypo where I never sleep and party as much as I can, or a hypo where I might not sleep much but at least am resting and still make somewhat more responsible choices.

well, I do see your point. And to a large extent I do manage it really well. I just meant why make a big deal of it when there is nothing I can do about it.... hmmmm.... but I am saying there is something I can do.... lol, i'm all confused now!

I don't think I typed what I meant exactly.... I was trying to get a different point across.

I do agree that the episodes will be different between two people, when one takes measures to deal with the oncoming symptoms, vs. one who does nothing. Less severe, of course, for the one who takes the proper measures.

What I was trying to say was that there was nothing I could do to prevent the symptoms from coming, even though I can prepare for them, and that it was counter productive to get my wife involved in it, making it harder for me to coexist with the family.

sometimes I type faster than my brain thinks lol.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by dumbfounded

evaluating, over evaluating... monitoring oneself always...

honestly, I don't even think I'm honest with myself about where I am at most of the time. I know how to play the game! that is my focus. I know how to handle being hypo and not letting people on to the fact. Same with depression. that one is much harder to hide, but during those weeks I do a pretty damn impressive job nonetheless.

I know that if I were to examine every mood shift that I had during the day I would drive myself crazy. It used to scare me feeling the shifts once I knew what to look for. I don't like feeling sick. I do feel sick when I open up and let someone in though.

Yes! Sounds quite like me... I would certainly go crazy monitoring every mood shift or emotion throughout the day or then worrying what/if/when the next big bad one is coming on. If it's going to come, it's going to come. Enjoy the now & conserve the worry energy for when/if the next one is on.

I hide the hypo quite well, like you're saying. I'm sliding through somehow, still making it to work, feeding the kids. I like my privacy - tell very few about my dx. Most judge and don't understand (oooh she's bp - scary, unpredictable blah blah), so none of their business.

Mixed or depression - way hard to hide - cuz I cry a lot, feel crazy, start telling people how bad I want to break things or hurt myself. Those times I keep to myself, hide out, only talk to the most trusted people.

I don't see the need to notify your wife of every mood, I think it would be a lot of false alarms... But as your partner, she should know you'll ask for support when you need it... Like if you're in the thick of it, so she knows it's not her fault or anything.

Fortunately my 'thick' days are behind me... im left with cycling only. At least they better be behind me

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by dumbfounded

Fortunately my 'thick' days are behind me... im left with cycling only. At least they better be behind me

There ya go - positive thinking is a powerful thing!

have to be positive! it's one of those things that I can never question. It's my lifeline, per say! Keeps me in the game lol. Can I call you Blue? I can never remember how to spell the full name!

[BlueInanna]

Yes I love to be called Blue! But I am not going to call you dumb lol, maybe should call you found!

Call me Jeff

[BlueInanna]

Ok - will do