[Speed3]

You would think I would look forward to the weekends. I am basically alone all week.

My Hubby, my soulmate is home for 2 days.

I don't know what is up with him, is he trying to make me want to commit suicide ?

Today was my first weigh in on my Chris Powell body challenge.
I'm down 3pds and 3 inches in 6 days.I am way down on my seroquel. I have some energy. I cleaned yesterday. I exercised twice as much as I was supposed too.

All he has to say is it is not enough, basically so what ? He keeps making very crude sexual type comments to me.

I told him today if he doesn't have supportive or nice things to say to me then don't say anything. He started yelling, swearing and threatening me.

Just being around him is dragging me down. I am trying so hard.
Why is he doing this to me ?

Now that Jason is gone it is just the 2 of us. It seems I build myself up then he has to push me down.

I can't take it I really can't. I can't stop crying now and wondering is any of this worth it. Where do I go now ? I am walking on a very narrow cliff.

[lifelies]

I'm very sorry to read this. :nod:
I think that your husband is abusing you, psychologically. I know it's hard to accept, but I think you really should seek for help.
Does he have any mental disorders? Perhaps he has some disorder that appeared after your loss.
Again, I'm really sorry, and I hope I wasn't rude or anything.
Lana
Lifelies

[Dylanzmama]

I'm so sorry. How long have you been together? Is his attitude a reaction to your son dying?

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by Dylanzmama

I'm so sorry. How long have you been together? Is his attitude a reaction to your son dying?

It will be 30 years this September. It could be. When we were younger and he drank more he could be abusive. I thought he grew out of it.

I am going to insist that he see the grief counselor with me at least some of the time. If he refuses than I really have to consider moving out. He truly is driving me to commit suicide.

There is absolutely no joy or happiness between us. There is no physical closeness either. He appears to have no respect for me.

[James franko]

If you really want help call nearest alchalocics anonymous thell give you helpfull hints so you can follow and turn the events. Alcoholism sickness is an infection that causes him to forget and blame, it causes him to hurt the most closest to him alanon is a group that helps spouses of alcoholics. Good luck Franco

[James franko]

Also congrats on your weight loss that's an awesome thing to celebrate. On a sober day for your husband ask him what it will take to bring back the man you married so very long ago. And please don't let him use old age. We all are still young at heart no matter what. Franko

[H3rmit]

It's hard to see why you stay with him. I know that after such a long time it's hard to let go. But whenever I read about your distress, he's right in there being a major accelerant to it. It sounds very painful.

[A Red Panda]

M'dear, your H is an A S S.

3 lbs in a week is REALLY GOOD. You should only lose 1-2lbs per week at a "healthy" weight loss, although 3lbs for the first week or two would be normal if it's a huuuuge change in lifestyle and eating habits!

So tell your H to shove it up his butt and go get help.

YOU are doing awesome, so ignore what he says and remember that the rest of the world makes more sense than he does. Goodness. I am so mad at him.

[James franko]

Witch is why you can't help out if you get emotionally involved then your feelings of anger make your words. Instead. Think about her words she called him her soulmate. In the end of his life he's going to have an excuse for losing everything. He fell prey to alcohol. Instead get him proper help. I guarantee he will want the help too he needs help to get there. That's when you have to stop enabling the alcoholic and put a stop to the addiction with help from family and friends and AA. And Alonon.

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by James franko

Witch is why you can't help out if you get emotionally involved then your feelings of anger make your words. Instead. Think about her words she called him her soulmate.

Franko, I am going to kindly ask you not to give me unsoliciated advice please? You have just critized a post that I was making in support of Speed3, which would imply that I have read her posts. I responded to demonstrate my thoughts and feelings for her, and I don't need or want someone else telling me how to be supportive.

You literally just told me that I CAN'T HELP. And then implied that I did NOT think about Speed's words. Do you realize how damaging that can be for someone who is feeling depressed or vulnerable themselves? It was inconsiderate of you to a high degree. You know the quote "The road to hell is paved with good intentions"? I feel that applies to how you responded to me.

Speed - I apologize for just derailing your thread, but that part of the response aimed at me upsets me and I felt like I needed to respond to it.

Franko: Please don't respond to this. I have no interest in continuing a conversation with you and will not read it.

Originally Posted by Speed3

I told him today if he doesn't have supportive or nice things to say to me then don't say anything. He started yelling, swearing and threatening me.
.

I'm particularly concerned with your comment that he's threatening you. No one should be put thru that. Yes, I agree with the previous comments regarding your remarkable and successful weightloss, but if your H is emotionally abusive and is also threatening you, then you need to leave asap. There are shelters available, I'm sure, in your area...you should call one immediately.

Perhaps your leaving for your own survival will be the catalyst for him to realize what his drinking is doing to his marriage, perhaps not. But it isn't up to you to save him. It is up to you to save YOU.

You're in my prayers...be well...

[BlueInanna]

Hope he'll go to counseling with u. What a mess Just keep it up with the workouts, that sounds like a really good thing to do for yourself, a healthy distraction. I think he'll come around, just so much to process for the both of you. You could move out too, if you can afford it and all that, date some new men. There are many out there. Soul mate can mean so many things, sometimes we have more than one, sometimes it doesn't work out to physically be together forever in this life...idk guess I'm saying you do have options.

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by James franko

Witch is why you can't help out if you get emotionally involved then your feelings of anger make your words. Instead. Think about her words she called him her soulmate. In the end of his life he's going to have an excuse for losing everything. He fell prey to alcohol. Instead get him proper help. I guarantee he will want the help too he needs help to get there. That's when you have to stop enabling the alcoholic and put a stop to the addiction with help from family and friends and AA. And Alonon.

He doesn't drink anymore.

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by KathyOlivia

I'm particularly concerned with your comment that he's threatening you. No one should be put thru that. Yes, I agree with the previous comments regarding your remarkable and successful weightloss, but if your H is emotionally abusive and is also threatening you, then you need to leave asap. There are shelters available, I'm sure, in your area...you should call one immediately.

Perhaps your leaving for your own survival will be the catalyst for him to realize what his drinking is doing to his marriage, perhaps not. But it isn't up to you to save him. It is up to you to save YOU.

You're in my prayers...be well...

His threats are not physical.

[shortandcute]

I'm sorry that he is putting you thru that--especially after your son's passing. I think the others have good advice. Lots of hugs to you.

[James franko]

Google dry drunk symptoms. If the symptoms are there it's the same treatment as if he was drinking. If you have found yourself saying things like I liked you better when you drank. Or have heard anyone say that. I would start reading. Abuse is worse when you believe your husband. But he's wrong and maybe toxic but follow your heart. Let that be your guide.

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by James franko

Google dry drunk symptoms. If the symptoms are there it's the same treatment as if he was drinking. If you have found yourself saying things like I liked you better when you drank. Or have heard anyone say that. I would start reading. Abuse is worse when you believe your husband. But he's wrong and maybe toxic but follow your heart. Let that be your guide.

never said that, nor has anyone else. I think it is the way he is dealing with losing our only son. They were very close. Like I was told around six months the grieving can get worse. One of the steps is anger. The more I think about it I think he is taking his anger out on me. He probably doesn't feel safe doing it around anyone else. That doesn't mean it is right. It means he has to see a grief counselor just like me.

A lot of marriages end after the lose of a child and we have no other children to think about.

[deelooted]

Originally Posted by Speed3

His threats are not physical.

Physical or not, it is abuse... and no one should have to put up with it. And I am so sorry for your loss, my prayers are with you.

[James franko]

Apologies my mind at it again. Man when will I ever get it, thanks for the lesson. Again apologies.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by Speed3

I think it is the way he is dealing with losing our only son. They were very close. Like I was told around six months the grieving can get worse. One of the steps is anger. The more I think about it I think he is taking his anger out on me. He probably doesn't feel safe doing it around anyone else. That doesn't mean it is right. It means he has to see a grief counselor just like me.

A lot of marriages end after the lose of a child and we have no other children to think about.

Do you think he would be receptive if you told him this, or have you already tried. With my husband sometimes we take things out on each other, call each other on it - and it is hard, when anger takes over. I hope he will hear you.

[Otter63]

Life can be so damn hard sometimes! My husband and I are going on thirty years too.

My husband shot meth until 2002. Years of hell and constantly wondering if I should leave him. I did leave him more than a few times, but never for good.

After he stopped the meth, alcohol became a huge problem. He's been sober about a year, and things are pretty good.

All that to say I know what it's like to be with a difficult man. Are these behaviors new since losing your son, or has it always been hard? I hope you can find some peace in the middle of all you are going through. It's so good you are taking some positive steps for yourself. Take care!

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by H3rmit

Do you think he would be receptive if you told him this, or have you already tried. With my husband sometimes we take things out on each other, call each other on it - and it is hard, when anger takes over. I hope he will hear you.

Just saw the grief counselor. She agrees he needs to come with me or get his own counselor.

I will talk to him tonight. Sometimes it can be very touchy talking to him about certain things. He immediately gets defensive. I want to be sensitive because he is hurting too, but the way he has been talking to me is not acceptable.

If he refuses help I will move out even if it is temporary. My stepmother has already offered that I can stay with her. She still lives in the big house my dad and her had.

Or I might just rent a place for a week or two . If I can still find one it is Vacation season. The beach is 2 hours away and the mountains the same.

I hope I don't have too, it would be much better if he got a grief counselor.

[winter4me]

He is not your soul mate, that much is certain. A separation would probably be good for both of you. Get some perspective. Breathe. And don't contact during the separation---find out what it is like to be with yourself, to know what is going on in your head and body without his input. Let him find the same.
Or not.

[Muppy]

I'm going to wade in here...Speed. My children's father was emotionally abusive and graduated to physical abuse. After the 3rd episode of physical abuse I left. And I have experienced the loss of a child. My youngest died on Nov 1, 2010 and my oldest died six months ago today. Thank God I'm away from their father. The death of a child is so traumatic that life seems not worth living sometimes. I think of my boys every day. There is no way I will condone your husband's behavior but he probably is grief stricken also. That does not excuse his behavior. I'm concerned about your safety. Always keep money in your purse, and keep your keys and purse where you can grab them quickly if his behavior scares you. I'm concerned that your husband may escalate from verbal to physical abuse. I just want you to keep safety a priority.

[Muppy]

I thought I posted here yesterday, but it's not showing. Probably a newbie mistake. I'll summarize. I am concerned about your safety. You are going through what will most likely the most difficult time of your life. You can't turn to your husband for support because of where he is emotionally. I'm concerned that he'll lose control and harm you.
I've been there. My ex-husband became physically abusive and the children and I left. The divorce was just more emotional abuse. I've lost my oldest and my youngest child in just over 2 1/2 years. They were abused too. PLEASE plan for safety in case you have to get out quickly. Be sure to always have cash. Keep your cell phone and keys where you can get to them quickly. Plan somewhere you can go, if necessary. I hope you and your husband can lean on each other, but from what I've read I'm not too hopeful that will happen soon. The loss of a child is devastating: I know. Please take care of yourself.