[doodle09]

Hi. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar 3 years ago and was looking for some advice.. I was wondering if bipolar has taken a toll on anyone else's relationships? I just got engaged 6 months ago to honestly the most amazing man I have ever met. He treats me so good, does nothing wrong but yet when I go through bipolar he's my main target. He has even through all of the bipolar episodes accepted how I am so much to want to marry me. So why do I do this? My episodes start over stupid random things that would never bother me. These examples are things that some of my obursts did happen from which note are things that wouldn't bother the normal me by one bit: one is something as STUPID as a girl liked his picture on facebook, another is when his friend asked us to hang out and i didn't want to but he still was fine with it even when i didn't want to go, another is when he bought a new pair of shoes that in my mind at the time thought was careless of him but i knew he actually needed them and had enough money to and probably the most ridiculous of all was when i asked where he wanted to go to dinner and he said he didn't know and that i should pick. When I have these outburst I treat him horribly saying the most meanest things I can think of, trying to hit him if it gets that bad, cry, yell, curse, sometimes hit myself and throw things around. All of this over NOTHING! and then after I snap back to reality it's too late. He says he can handle it. But I know it is so hard for him and it scars him. It breaks my heart knowing that I have done something like that to the person who treats me so good and loves and cares about me more than anyone. honestly I am not kidding he treats me like a princess and I am so heartbroken he has to go through this. for how such a great, kind person he is i believe he does not deserve it. I go a complete 360 when my outbursts happen. Normal me is a laid back, kind person, who has a great sense of humor and good attitude but bipolar me is this monster like the hulk that i can not control who just likes to hurt and destroy. It makes me so depressed because I am not like that at all. I don't have outbursts very often, it varies from 1 outburst every month, two months or three months. But when it happens it hits hard and makes up for all the time I went without one. I am on Lamictal 350 mg. I was wondering if anyone had advice for me. I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

[rapid cyclist]

Hi and welcome!

It sounds like this isn't happening very often and that when it does there's an escalation when he doesn't react. Just a thought that occurred to me: do you think that because you feel guilty about your outbursts, you want him to respond and defend himself, and when he doesn't you get into a cycle of escalation and increasing self-blame? (I'm not talking about physically fighting, of course, just some healthy verbal defense on his part.)

He seems to love you so very much, I imagine he hates seeing you beat yourself up over this. Have you talked with him about how you might be able to work together as a couple to deescalate the cycle? Maybe you could come up with some code words he could use when he wants to help you settle, or breathing exercises that may make you more present in the moment? Whatever works to sooth you.

Be well.

[MillionaireWaltz]

Hello there.

Having gone undiagnosed for most of my life (just last month I received the official diagnosis along with some medication), I can tell you that my states have affected my marriage. Your fiancee sounds very great in that he wants to be with you and exercises great patience when you escalate, but over time this can wear on a person, no matter the strength they have in knowing your daily, lifetime struggle with Bipolar disorder. This isn't to say it can't or won't work; my husband and I have found renewed hope for ourselves, but it's something we have to work on every single day, and for me, it's a simultaneous effort because I'm working on my mental illness in the process.
Are you in therapy at the moment? That was one of the best things that happened to me, was seeing my therapist and taking group therapy, too. I can always confide in my husband, but when you are able to find a comfortable, positive outlet outside of your relationship, I find you're best able to grow and heal (individually and as a couple). I've said and done some horrible things to my husband, so you're not alone there, but be advised that he might not always be so valiant in his effort down the road to brush it off. People do reach breaking points, even when their significant other has a diagnosed illness of which they are aware; they're only human, of course, just like we're only humans with a mental illness we're trying to level out.
I wish all the best for you and your fiancee, and hope that together, you guys will find the best option suitable to your needs and relationship.

Im in similar situation, my boyfriend is amazing and supportive but sometimes I just pick and pick and pick at him. Im not sure if this is to do with the BP or just to do with being a women. I ask him to ask me to stop when I get like that, and if he says STOP then I usually snap out of it and realise how *****y I was being. There are lots of times I regret what I say or do, but so far he always forgives me. I make a huge effort not to take my moods out on him, but there is always going to be an effect.

Therapy is probably a good place to start for this issue, Im doing CBT again and its already helping.

[ultramar]

It sounds like your outbursts are primarily in reaction to something going on in your relationship -or at least within the context of your relationship with your husband. I know it's few and far between, but maybe some couple's therapy would be helpful? Is it possible that there's something, deeper, going on in the relationship itself that may be playing a role, at least in the background?

Sorry in advance for my ignorance --but what is bipolar 3? Thanks!

[misstexas]

Doodle,

I know where you are coming from. I am recently diagnosed, or just recently accepted it anyway, and am on medication. In a 3 year relationship where I have behaved pretty well, no real episodes, BUT in my 12 year marriage I was horrible. Mean, mean, mean, I look back on how mean I was to my ex-husband and I just want to cry. I could never understand why I put him so much. NOW I understand, but it is too little too late. I had my really serious mania during our marriage when too many life events stressed me out.

Anyway, just saying that I understand your feelings. May I ask how old you are, how long have you been on Lamictal? Are you in therapy?

All the best,
Miss Texas