[cwgrlyipp]

Hi All,
This is my first post (nervous)
I've been with my boyfriend for 2yrs, during our time together we've split up one time for 3 months. Our relationship has been for the most part the most positive and stable I've had thus far. I did not disclose my being BP immediately. In fact I probably offered being BP too late into our time being together and likely at the most inappropriate time (pssshhhh typical.) I'd say since my full disclosure and commitment to therapy/meds things are for the most part 'normal' and seemingly loving. We would be considered as living together like married roles.
Here's the problem, he isn't interested in being married. This morning admitting "I am a liability" assuring me he loves me....
I guess rumination is my theme today, I'm trying to not let the stigma of BP control or define my worth. I'm confused, I'm sad...and yeah a little mad.
UGH, planning on a long run and dose of antipsychotic -to- bed. Any advice to stay in control and not let this trigger my mania?

[A Red Panda]

Did I get this right - did he say that marrying you isn't a good idea because you are a LIABILITY?!?!



Who on earth does he think he is?!

Do you see a T at all? If you do - that definitely needs talked about.

I am so sorry to hear that someone you care about is so unsupportive. If I was in your situation, I could be confused and sad but ABSOLUTELY furious!

[dragonfly2]

I'm not sure I quite understand who said what. Did you say that you were a liability or did he say it? If you said it, and you're beginning to ruminate a bit, it may be a sign of an oncoming depression (reflected in statements of low self-worth). If he said it, that's a different story and a very confusing one for sure.

Even without the complications of the bipolar, relationships can feel muddled at times. Is marriage important to you? Have you talked about why it isn't something that he wants? How long ago did you disclose the bipolar to him?

I hope your long run helps clear your head a bit. And you are so much more than your diagnosis. There is no place for stigma in a loving relationship. Hopefully he knows that and isn't treating you differently in that regard.

I guess it all depends on who said what.

[cwgrlyipp]

The "liability" statement was made by my boyfriend.
It's confusing for sure! I hope I can keep it together to 'talk' about.
Thanks for your support.

[dragonfly2]

Ugh. That's horrible! Yes, I'd be pretty ticked off about it too.

[Skittles56]

Originally Posted by cwgrlyipp

The "liability" statement was made by my boyfriend.
It's confusing for sure! I hope I can keep it together to 'talk' about.
Thanks for your support.

WTF?!

That is an incredibly hurtful thing to say. If he thinks you're a liability, maybe it's time to think about going your separate ways. I know depression can give you a bad case of self-loathing, but you have to believe that you are worth more than a "liability." Never let someone demean you like that.

*hugs* to you.

Just a thought, is he using this an excuse to not get married? Is he the marriage type? Or is it too early to be thinking about that? Boys say dumb things sometimes, he probably doesnt realise how much this affected you. If it was me, I would talk to him and share what I was feeling. If we couldnt resolve the marriage issue then I would be reconsidering the relationship, but that is because of where I am in my life which would be different to you.

If you a ruminating maybe you could find a distraction? Its one of my favourite techniques.

[Trippin2.0]

What a douchetard thing to say!
I'm sure he has good qualities or you wouldn't otherwise be with him, but calling you a liability was a d*ck move and makes him look like an a.s.s.

I hope he realizes this sooner than later.

Marriage is a fundamental topic for any couple, and differing views either lead to misery or is essentially a deal breaker.

Find out when he knew about his aversion to marriage. If it was before dating you, then he kept quiet about something pertinent too, and will give you firmer footing regarding hiding your dx. Thus providing even grounds for both of you when you broach this liability topic.

*ugh the word leaves a nasty taste in my mouth

I mean, you can't string along someone you profess to love indefinitely. He should've been upfront about his view in order for you to make an informed decision about investing so much into something that essentially leads nowhere if marriage is your end goal.

I hope you 2 work things out or you run like hell if he stands firm by his "liability" stance.


Liability my a.s.s!!!!

[Yoda]

Wow. He's a jerk. What an awful thing to say to someone you (supposedly) care about.

[lostincornflakes]

What he said was horrible and you certainly deserve a better exclamation about being a liability. The first thing that came to mind when I read your post that maybe he thinks being married would be a liability because of your mental illness and the costs for heath care? I know this is really far fetched but what a jerk to label marriage as a liability. I would be asking a lot of questions.

[kirby777]

He seems to be a "liabilty" to your mental health & well being. I would be furious.

Sorry he said that to you.

[Mollywisk]

Originally Posted by kirby777

He seems to be a "liabilty" to your mental health & well being. I would be furious.

Sorry he said that to you.

^^^^^^^^ yes!

What happens in the future if he is disabled in a car accident or illness? Is he then a liability? What if he has a child with a disability?

I could go on and on, but I won't. Life is difficult and things can change in the blink of an eye. Partners are there for each other during the good and bad times. You deserve a full partner.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by cwgrlyipp

Hi All,
This is my first post (nervous)
I've been with my boyfriend for 2yrs, during our time together we've split up one time for 3 months. Our relationship has been for the most part the most positive and stable I've had thus far. I did not disclose my being BP immediately. In fact I probably offered being BP too late into our time being together and likely at the most inappropriate time (pssshhhh typical.) I'd say since my full disclosure and commitment to therapy/meds things are for the most part 'normal' and seemingly loving. We would be considered as living together like married roles.
Here's the problem, he isn't interested in being married. This morning admitting "I am a liability" assuring me he loves me....
I guess rumination is my theme today, I'm trying to not let the stigma of BP control or define my worth. I'm confused, I'm sad...and yeah a little mad.
UGH, planning on a long run and dose of antipsychotic -to- bed. Any advice to stay in control and not let this trigger my mania?

Aww sweetie, what a lame thing for him to say to you. Firstly, I don't think you disclosed too late, there must have not been any big symptoms for a long time to cause alarm. So don't beat yourself up about that.

The old me "Complacent C" would have catered to him and shown him what a good wife I would make, believing that I could convince him to change his mind about marriage. Building our fantasy future together in my head, making myself think i'm ok with whatever he wants.

The new older me, would tell him I want an explanation of his words regarding "liability". I'd expect him to explain himself. Depending on response, I'd possibly let him know i'm not interested in a relationship where we don't have a shared goal, true friendship and appreciation of each other.

Here's a great website / blog with dating & relationship advice:
Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

Yes you should be angry that he said something like that to you but if that is what he thinks then it is good to know so you can decide if you want to continue to invest your heart in this relationship. It is possible to find a good man who will love you and stay by your side always even when there have come some very bad times. I've been married 27 years, it hasn't always been easy and I did some things in my mania that were very hurtful, but we managed to pull through it. You are worthy of love and care, of being cherished as a woman should be, having an illness doesn't make you any different than any other eoman in that regard. Don't let anyone make you feel less than your true worth. Also, ruminating will make you feel sick, talk to your therapist about this. Take care of yourself.