[stainedglassheart]

Over the past few months I've gone through a failed relationship, a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, legal problems and financial problems. The two things that for me have been the hardest to deal with are the diagnosis and the breakup. I was living with this girl, her two kids and a bunch of animals. It was a full house but I was happy. When they all left it was devastating for me. I'm still having a hard time dealing with the loss.This all happened shortly after I was diagnosed and she admitted that that was one reason why we broke up, she just couldn't deal with me. She did try though but it was too much. The legal problems came as a result of my own poor judgement and financial problems just add to everything. So, these days I feel worthless. I feel like a failure. I feel like my illness has caused me heartache. I haven't been able to forgive myself for all the bad I've done and all the misery I've caused people. So, how do I stop beating myself up? How do I forgive myself? How do I not feel like a total failure? Any suggestions would be great. Thanks for reading.

[AnxietyGirl916]

If she couldn't "deal" with your Dx, that's a testament to her character, not yours. I've been married to my husband going on 7 years and was just diagnosed this week. I've had untreated bipolar disorder for years and he's put up with it all this time. I think that's enough proof that there are people out there that are more than happy to be our cheerleaders. I just think she wasn't "the one". Are you undergoing therapy or trying out any medications that might make you feel better?

[creativelight]

You need to control your mind. Whenever a bad though drives in, kill it. Imagine you have a gun or a fry pan and just smack the feeling and the thought and replace it with the opposite. Think of what you want as if you have it. Visualize it. The storm will pass.

[BlackPup]

Give yourself a break. You've been living with untreated BP your going to have made some poor judgments - it's the nature of the illness. The relationship break up is, as previously said, her problem not yours. Try to be kind to yourself. You are human, you are allowed to be not perfect.
Write in a journal and talk it out with yourself. Go to therapy and discuss your fears with your T. Post things here and get it off your chest. Don't let it get bottled up inside.

hope you feel better soon

[pepperlynne]

Stainedglassheart, please feel better. There is a person out there for you. You are not a bad person, you are just dealing with an illness. Things will get better. I feel so bad reading your post, I could feel the pain in your words. I'm Bipolar I as of a month ago, so I know what it's like to feel guilty over impulsive mistakes. It hasn't always been easy, but I'm still here, and somehow through it all, my now husband has stayed strong with me. You simply need to find someone with strength, believe me, their out there.

Hugs

You have to in my opinion try not to beat yourself up. This is her loss although it feels like yours at the moment. She used a lame excuse in my opinion and a hurtful one. You can't help being Bipolar, there is no off switch. It's just the way things are. Sorry if I sound a bit blunt but from what you have said I agree with the others, there is someone out there for you and someone better. Sending you hugs and I hope you find the support you need and some new friends on PC

[stainedglassheart]

Originally Posted by AnxietyGirl916

If she couldn't "deal" with your Dx, that's a testament to her character, not yours. I've been married to my husband going on 7 years and was just diagnosed this week. I've had untreated bipolar disorder for years and he's put up with it all this time. I think that's enough proof that there are people out there that are more than happy to be our cheerleaders. I just think she wasn't "the one". Are you undergoing therapy or trying out any medications that might make you feel better?

As hard as it is for me to admit I feel you are right and this girl was not "the one" for me. The fact that you and others have found someone who can handle the ups and downs of a person with bipolar gives me hope for myself. Thanks for sharing that with me. I am in therapy and taking meds that both seem to help. BlackPup - Unfortunately I do let things get bottled up inside me but I'm trying to break that habit. Posting in these forums is a big step for me but it feels good to get these things out. Angelic73 - I don't mind you being blunt, sometimes thats the best way to make a point. Thank you to everybody who responded. I truly appreciate all the nice words and good advice.

[Nessa213]

There are definitely people out there who are willing to put forth the extra concern and understanding in dealing with a bipolar partner. My husband's been with me for 13 years and a couple of months ago I told him that he really deserved better and I was ruining his life. He came right back "are you kidding? I'd be flat out bored with anyone else!" So... there's someone out there for everyone.

Changing your thinking pattern can sometimes be an impossible task. Talking it out with someone (or even to yourself if you're the type to take a long relaxing drive somewhere) really can help a lot with getting out the despairing feelings. If you sit on your problems they just get worse, and it's almost impossible to just "not think about it". Talking it out can REALLY help.

[Hoping4aCure]

I'm sure there is someone for you. I have been on and off treatment during my seven year relationship and his love and support have been the only things that were constant. Get healthy and you WILL find the right person for you.

As far as your mistakes- what can worrying do? Worrying can't change any of it- just use your regrets as motivation to get and stay healthy for a better future.

I'm saying this as someone who knows- I have had my share of mistakes and am now facing bankruptcy because of years of just existing and not taking care of my problems. I am full of regrets and shame for the situation I am in and my fiance continues to tell me- worry can't change it. But I promise I am going to stay on my meds now and have a better future- for me and those that love me.

Best wishes and prayers for you.