[Victoria'smom]

Trigger Suicidal!



Trigger Suicidal & pain killer

Okay, I'm accepting that I'm not the most stable right now, kind of. My husband had to cancel his pdoc in August. I've learned that he did not reschedule. So if I make him call Monday he'll probably get in late Oct or later. His next therapist appointment isn't until the end of the month. When he got his surgery the gave him 40 Tylenol 3's. He hasn't really taken any, maybe 5. Well for a while he's been saying that he wants to commit suicide while still 'clear headed'. "He never wants to be depressed again because it's not fair to us or him."

Last night, well early morning he woke me up because he wanted to overdose on his pain killers, his preferred method of sui. Usually I hide the medication and depose of extra's but I don't think it's a good idea this time.

Does anyone else get suicidal while stable?
what if anything should I do?

[allme]

Oh man this must be so tough for you! No, I have never had those thoughts while stable. Please don't take this the wrong way, but could he be seeking attention from you right now? Do you really think he is serious?

Either way, not good!

If he is serious, he needs to call somebody NOW! If he is serious and so clam about it, it's REALLY worrying IMO.

Wishing you the best!

[Margolomania]

I'm sorry your significant other's feeling this way. Personally, I normally feel like wanting to end the world when I'm depressed and hopeless. But I have read about other people's accounts that during mixed episodes or even during what seems like stable moods, a person can still become suicidal. And it's because they know what's ahead... they know that the depression or a manic episode is not too far from sight so they want to end things when it's still "good". I've felt a bit of this, where it's the anxiousness of the next coming episode can make me not want to live through it. I hope I'm making sense O_O

For the "what to do" part, the only thing I can think of is contact a trusted doctor or therapist. He's in a good place to have you by his side, but you don't have enough eyes to keep watch on him and make sure he doesn't do anything. It's good he seeks your help though. Well, I hope this helps somehow, and I hope things turn around for the better soon!

[Victoria'smom]

could he be seeking attention from you right now? Do you really think he is serious? I don't think he's seeking attention, given my current mood calling attention to yourself is a risky and vaguely dangerous endeavor. He was talking about this before his surgery. Waking the other is generally is only used in situations that the person is scared. Whether it's a messed up dream, paranoia, psychosis, anxiety or SUI intentions. I do believe he was scared last night whether it was SUI related or anxiety about possible mood shift I don't know. I don't think he would know, either.

I know I've felt this way but it was in a hypo-manic state.

because they know what's ahead... they know that the depression or a manic episode is not too far from sight so they want to end things when it's still "good". I've felt a bit of this, where it's the anxiousness of the next coming episode can make me not want to live through it. <--- This is what I think it is.

One of the biggest problem's are he got surgery less than a week ago and still has the drain in until the end of this week. So it makes it difficult for him to sit, lay down, or walk and I have to clean and bandage it 3x a day. I'm sure that's getting to him. Unfortunately if he goes inpatient the psych hospital is a separate hospital then our med hospitals. I don't trust it to get infected if he's there and because it's right near his spine I don't want to risk that.

I had back surgery in 06 and became sui after trying to wean down on pain meds, I'd been on 3 different ones at 3 different times in the process, I would call his dr tomorrow. When I talked to my pdoc about what happened to me he said if I ever had surgery again we would increase the mood stabilizer for that time. Take this seriously.

[BlueInanna]

Thinking of you. How are you guys doing?

[Victoria'smom]

I'm going to ask my T to decide what to do about him. I'm sure he's safe here but he doesn't need to be like this. At the same time I have to wonder if it's me trying to 'get rid of him' because of how I'm being or maybe it's to give him a break from me. He's completely de-humanize everyone into bags of flesh and chemicals. For him to go to that extreme is a very bad. He's usually oversensitive to others. At the same time the words I say are getting to him, I'm being very harsh, and confrontational.

At this point I'm drained, numb and filled with anxiety. I'm not sleeping, would rather not eat, only talking 'screaming' to fight with anyone, noise is to loud, and Miguel broke my headphones. So I can't even block them out. It's almost like I'm pushing him towards making that decision. I told him today "Don't **** with me, I'll end up racing you, and one of us will have to loss stay with Miguel." Saddest part if anything happened to either of us I don't think I'd care.

[Lillyleaf]

Sometimes for me it's like this reoccurring thought that goes on in my head over and over again. I don't have to be depressed to feel suicidal. It's like this dark need in my mind that wants it repeatedly.

I can be very stable but it's always there. For me, it's something that I learn to ignore. It slowly loses power, but for me it's always there.
Maybe it's something like that?

Depression and suicide may be linked but they aren't always.

I wish you the best!

Lillyleaf

[Phoenix_1]

Hugs (((((miguel'smom)))))

[Patsy Cline]

This seems pretty serious to me. I think the hospital would be your best bet. Now.

[Victoria'smom]

So I showed up really late! It's not my fault between GP taking forever. So of course not only was I anxious as hell, just normally right now, but then there were tons of people and most seemed to have hygiene issues on top of that I was late, so I was all types of flipping out. Then my husband blind sided me by telling T that I need to take my AP PRN so I can slow down and sleep but getting me to take it is hell. I had to bite my tongue because I seriously wanted to start an argument but calming me down would not happen and we were already past time. He knows the AP knocks me the **** out! what the ****! I couldn't focus enough to explain what's going on and he's not going to explain his end of all this crap. So now she thinks I'm hypomanic and wants me to take my AP but doesn't understand everything going on and now I have to wait two weeks because my GP couldn't be on time. Therapy was so much more important then checking my husband's blood pressure and giving me a script for an x-ray, and tell me that my appointment wasn't made yet. GRRR