[henrydavidtherobot]

I was recently diagnosed with Cyclothymia. So now I am on lamictal and klonopin. I just started treatment, so I dk if it will help or not. Now that I have a diagnosis, I have been actively trying to understand it to cope better. However, I'm having trouble with extreme moods lately. I feel like I don't own my life or my choices, but are being dragged around by other forces. I feel like this is impeding my ability to make healthy life choices. I often drink or hook up with my friend not because its what I want to do, but because the alternative (sobbing in bed or not being able to sleep) is worse. How do I build the strength to suck it up and just deal with a crummy mood isread of runbing away from it?

[Skittles56]

Well first, Lamictal takes a while to start working. Sometimes a few weeks. You are titrating, I hope. That feeling of not being in control will likely subside some whenever the Lamictal kicks in.

Those of us who are bipolar get dragged around by our moods all of the time. I guess you sort of get used to it, but not really. I imagine it's the same, but to a lesser extent for cyclothymia.

There are several people on the forum who use coping mechanisms, sometimes with meds, sometimes without. One of them should be able to explain it to you. I've never had much luck with things like that, but that's just me. Like you say, I just suck it up and push through it.

Hang in there.

[henrydavidtherobot]

My understanding is that cyclothymia is bipolar I with less severe depressive episodes.

I guess I'm just scared sometimes to push through it because I can be VERY reckless when I am really upset.

I just want control of my life and to feel that I can choose between good and bad things and not have to choose between bad and worse things because the good isn't accessible to me right now.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

My understanding is that cyclothymia is bipolar I with less severe depressive episodes.

I guess I'm just scared sometimes to push through it because I can be VERY reckless when I am really upset.

I just want control of my life and to feel that I can choose between good and bad things and not have to choose between bad and worse things because the good isn't accessible to me right now.

Cyclothymia is actually on the *opposite* side of the spectrum from Bipolar 1, and is 'milder' than both this and Bipolar II. Maybe you can talk to your pdoc about what it means, it may well help you to cope to know what you're dealing with.

Are you in therapy? Have you tried DBT? It sounds like you're currently depressed, I hope you can get help with this and the proper treatment in general to help you through this.

From the Mayo Clinic:

Cyclothymia (si-klo-THIGH-me-uh), also called cyclothymic disorder, is a mood disorder. Cyclothymia causes emotional ups and downs, but they're not as extreme as in bipolar disorder type I or II.

With cyclothymia, you experience periods when your mood noticeably shifts up and down from your baseline. You may feel on top of the world for a time, followed by a low period when you feel somewhat blue. Between these cyclothymic highs and lows, you may feel stable and fine.

Compared with bipolar disorder I or II, the highs and lows of cyclothymia are less extreme. Still, it's critical to seek help managing these symptoms because they increase your risk of bipolar disorder I or II. Treatment options for cyclothymia include talk therapy (psychotherapy), medications and close, ongoing follow-up with your doctor.

[henrydavidtherobot]

I am in therapy every week. I've never tried DBT. I'm on lamictil and klonopin. I am a little depressed right now, but I'm not having a full blown sobbing fit (this happens a lot). I would like help and to get through this too. I'm working so hard but therapy takes forever. I'm losing more control with my life and it gets harder and harder to be happy, esp since I'm such a black and white thinker.

Patience is hard to come by when you are down and just want to feel good right now but you havevto give the medicine a chance to work and understand it might even take more than one medicine, it is a process to find what works. Cognitive behavioral therapy or dialectical behavioral therapy can help with distorted thoughts that work to keep making our moods depressed, you can ask your therapist which he/she recommends. Black and white thinking is one of those kinds of thoughts. Having these folks here to talk to helps too. So keep coming back, ok?

[henrydavidtherobot]

You're absolutely right, emomom. I guess I'm just hoping to figure out a way to cope before things get better. I want to be able to know that I will cry all night and then just suck it up and do it instead of drinking to avoid it.

[TombE]

Things will get better. It just takes time after you've started treatment. I wish you the best of luck.

[manic_me]

I know how you're feeling. I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 with rapid cycling and the rapid changes can be horrible, leaving you feeling like you have no control over anything. I promise though with time and especially the right meds and therapy it will get easier. As time goes on you'll learn some of your triggers and ways to help cope as well. Just remember you aren't alone in this and in my experience on this site, there are always people willing to help which also makes it easier. Best of luck hun *hugs*

[henrydavidtherobot]

I sure hope I get help. I rapid cycle on almost a weekly basis. It's exhausting

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

I sure hope I get help. I rapid cycle on almost a weekly basis. It's exhausting

Does Cyclothymia cycle more quickly than BP? Forgive me, all I know about it is what I have read in this thread.

Good luck with your treatment. Therapy can do amazing things for us!

[henrydavidtherobot]

I honestly have no idea. To be honest, I'm starting to doubt my diagnosis. I would hardly consider my mood swings to be mild and I haven't read anything on rapid cycling and cyclothymia. I'm so confused :/

A really good resource for information is McMan's Depression and Bipolar Web he talks about depression and all forms of bipolar disorder. Look under the mood category.

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

I honestly have no idea. To be honest, I'm starting to doubt my diagnosis. I would hardly consider my mood swings to be mild and I haven't read anything on rapid cycling and cyclothymia. I'm so confused :/

Gererally rapid cycling means moods cycling 4 times a year. If you are cycling that much in a week, maybe there is a diagnosis that will better fit? It is very rare to have the type of bipolar that cycles throughout the day. Finding the right diagnosis will ensure you get the correct treatment, are you being completely honest with your pdocs? Do you keep a mood diary? Regardless of the diagnosis therapy does help so keep it up, it will get better

[henrydavidtherobot]

True, I figure that the treatment is the same for most types of bipolar stuff, so I'll benefit regardless. my biggest fear is borderline personality disorder (not to discriminate with those who have it).

What is the fear about BPD? There are some brilliant treatment options available. Some would argue that BPD has a higher chance of recovery than BP. I have many BPD friends that are living happy and stable, unmedicated lives after having DBT/CBT and group. Both of those are beneficial in BP aswell.

[henrydavidtherobot]

I'd worry about the stigma. I'm also afraid because the people I know with it and unstable, hurtful, and unhappy.

Its no ones business but your own what your diagnosis is. Have your BPD friends completed therapy? Just because they are unhappy doesnt mean every one with that diagnosis is. Now in no way am I saying you have this - only you know that. Again regardless, therapy and med compliance is really important and it does work! Good luck on your journey.

[ultramar]

So mood changes seem to be frequent, but intense (not mild). This site seems to have a thorough exploration of Cyclothymia:

Cyclothymia (Cyclothymic Disorder) Symptoms, Treatments, Causes, and More

Moods (depression and hypomania) seem to be milder than in bipolar disorder (i.e. I read that depression wouldn't lead to suicidal ideation, etc.), but they do seem to be more frequent than bipolar.

If you're experiencing severe depressions, then I would be sure to bring this up with your pdoc -I'd be afraid that it wouldn't be addressed adequately either as far as meds or therapy if it is thought to be mild and it isn't.

Have you kept a mood diary? It can be *so* helpful to write down your moods, what you feel, how intensely, how they make you relate to others and yourself --how long they last, and what precipitates/causes/triggers changes in mood.

The important thing is to get the right treatment, that's what matters. So if you suffer from very debilitating depressions and 'cognitive distortions' (which we all have to some extent or another) such as black and white thinking, then the right therapy and medications can be very helpful.

It sounds like you may need to ask your pdoc about his diagnosis, simply because it seems he hasn't explained it to you. Checking in with him/her I think would help start a dialogue as to what fits and what doesn't. Best of luck!

[henrydavidtherobot]

I'd say that my hypomania is more debilitating than my depression.

To be honest, I'm not sure what constitutes a severe depression. I'm less motivated, but I get **** done. I've never been suicidal or idealized about it.

I have an old mood diary. My depressive states go like this:

I'll be feeling blue overall, but not unbearably so most of the time. However, sometimes once or twice a day. I'll be hopeless and sobbing for no apparent reason and everything feels hopeless. It typically doesn't last for more than an hour. Often, once around 4pm and the other at night. I have to leave places because of it.

Also, if I'm in a depressive state and something bad happens, I get uncontrollably upset. Like, bawling my eyes out and I hate my life upset. However, I typically feel like it's more manageable in a little bit. I def understand a lot of my triggers.

In fact, now I'm crying. I'm trying to make things work with a guy and it isn't working. When I think about it, I remember how I like no one else and I'm losing him and how I can't get this to go away because this break up isn't going away and there are no other men to distract me. I'm thinking about how no one understands how hard my moods are making my life and how this isn't going away and how I can't escape that either. I don't feel hopeless for my life, but I feel hopeless for the next 6 months.