whats the point?

stuck. whats the point of fighting through an episode just to have another lurking around the corner? im tired of the depressions, mainly. they upset my life in a major way and they linger and fester and destroy and then they lurk and taunt and always come back. when the nature of an illness is cyclical, how do you come to terms with the cycle? i know i should keep the good things in life in mind, hold onto them and treasure them. but im just so tired. what are some ways you make it through and hold onto hope? i really need some insight

I was once where you were at, but pdoc finally found the right dose of meds and im not cycling anymore. it is so nice to be free of that chaos. it just took a lot of patience and experimenting with meds to get here. take care.

If you're cycling so rapidly, maybe you need a change in meds?

Are you in therapy? This can help with other moods (including depressions due to things going on in your life or how you feel about yourself, etc.) that are less due to bipolar than other issues. Maybe if you can get a handle, through therapy, on the more environmentally-triggered depressions, you will 'cycle' less rapidly, and then medication will be more effective in warding off the really long episodes.

No insights to share. Treatment resistant ultradian cycling. I'm like a fighter who keeps getting knocked down and gets back up, only to get knocked down again and gets back up. "Yo, Adri-a-n!"

how do you come to terms with the cycle? I'm always trying to plan for the next episode but it doesn't always work. I'm hoping with all the advancements in the past 15 yrs that it continues. Our culture is getting older there seems to be a rush to prevent mental deterioration. I truly feel this will help all mental illnesses with new diagnosis options and medications. I know it can be hard to wait.

I wish I had good insights for you to kick this or fight better. I am at the same place, maybe even farther down the rabbit hole than you are.

I'm tired of it all, the ups, downs, in betweens, all of it.

I will say one thing as I noticed your signature says your meds...ambien and topamax do not get along very well together. I was taken off ambien when I started topamax and put on resteril (spelling?). just thought I would mention that as you may want to mention that and see if that helpsw any at all.