It's actually scary feeling normal

When I feel normal, I feel like I'm hanging in the balance...waiting for the other shoe to drop. I never question the fact that I need medicine to have some semblance of normality, or not being run by my emotions so harshly. I tried weaning off the lamotrigine but I couldn't handle the surge of intense emotions. The mania is mostly gone, unfortunately. Even more unfortunate is that the depression remains. Just coming out of another debilitating episode, I realized I need counseling along with meds. So I made an appointment, but it's not until 11-10. In the meantime I feel good. It's hard to start counseling when I feel good. I feel like I don't need it. But I know I do because when the depression returns, which it always does, I will need talk therapy. I've been on this carousel before. It's time to move forward. So while I embrace this remission, I also fear it. It can mislead me and I will find myself alone and unequipped to deal with the depression. I just don't want to do this anymore.

Anybody want to share experiences of your remissions and how you dealt with it? It helps me, hearing about what others are going through or have endured due to this bipolar disorder. It helps me identify and put a name to, or clarify what emotions are surrounding me and will eventually engulf me again. I find it so hard to live like this, ruled by how I am feeling and not having any control over it.
Thanks for listening

I was just talking about this in therapy yesterday!!

It's like when you wake up a few minutes before your alarm and you're just lying there anxious because you know it's about to go off. You can't relax or go back to sleep.

I don't have any advice, but just know you're not alone.

I feel ya, Nacho. I am at a loss for words right now...so i will do the best i can...

knowing that stupid depression lurks around the corner makes the "even-keel" times feel less enjoyable. The up times are annoying (though they feel damn good, creative and productive) because i can tell i get on peoples nerves! I dont like that feeling either. The worst part is being out of control of it all. I don't mean to sound victimish, but please, i feel like i am on a train ride that i didn't ask for and i don't think the conductor knows i get motion sick!!! so basically, i get ya, you are not alone. I guess we just have to feel fortunate to have our friends here at PC that can make us feel more like we are not alone in the world, right?

This is when Mindfulness is sooo sooo useful.

Why pull a dense fog over yourself when you don't know what if any episode is coming up. Just enjoy the moment.

I do try to live in the moment for sure. Generally I am an optimist. But with the waves of depression that have been trying to swallow me, I am a bit on the defensive. I just don't want to get too comfortable in this "normal" period and feel like I don't need treatment. I think that brings down many bipolars. Thanks for sharing. It is really comforting knowing I am not alone

Oh, honey, you are singing my song. ((((HUGS))))

I just came off a blissful 2 1/2-months of remission. It was SO awesome that a couple of weeks ago I started thinking that maybe I wasn't BP after all. Should've know I was ramping up when that happened. Anyway, even though I've stayed on my meds, I am full-on hypomanic and pissed off about it, even though I love the energy and flow of life in this state.

I know I have to call my pdoc tomorrow and admit that I've been like this for awhile, and he HATES it when I wait to call. But not everything is hypo/mania, and I thought maybe (STUPIDLY) it would go away on its own. It almost did, then I had a couple of really stimulating days and now I'm dancing on the moon again.

I am beyond frustrated. I was doing SO well. I don't want to take more meds than I'm already on. I don't want to have to fit more meds into my budget. This is what I get for getting ahead of myself and thinking I was just have a two-year-long existential crisis.