[noshadows]

Can you always name you state? I used to relate extreme irritability (which would lead to shouting and the crying or anxiety) with depression and now I know it's being rather hypo?
My best description for normal is being or feeling 'present' or 'clear' and sometimes I'm very clear about (and fine with) feeling like I don't want to do anything and stay in bed and realizing that it is probably not that normal.
When I feel just fine, nothing really wrong, I get too excited about it and wonder if it is then fine or hypo?
Like now, I'm just being but thinking about it I feel quite 'buzzy' and trance-like. Am I being numb, lazy, depressed, normal, fine or hypo analyzing this too much?
Can you always tell for sure what 'state' you're in?

[Moose72]

Right now I feel quite normal. Maybe a little anxious since I have no friends to do anything with today. But basically, normal.

[gayleggg]

I'm getting better at it. Of course, for the me depression is simple. I feel like s*** , cry and just want to be left alone. Mixed is a little harder but I finally define it by feeling good but irritable. And Manic, feels like I'm on top of the world and can do anything. Of course, sometimes they cross over and get mixed together and that makes things harder. But that's just me.

[wildflowerchild25]

I know depression and hypo/mania well. I never know where to put my rage/irritability. The last time I had rage it was during a manic episode that got out if hand. This time it is following a depressed episode. My energy is back up but my mind is very much in the negative. So I don't know. Sometimes I wish they would just stay clear cut.

[Anneinside]

I recognize fairly quickly that I am depressed. I don't recognize when I'm manic. I always think the decisions I make and the things I do are appropriate and maybe even wise. Usually it isn't until I start receiving packages in the mail and don't know what could be in them before I get an inkling that I might, just might, not for sure, be manic. Usually it takes someone else telling me (like my therapist) that I am manic that I can see it.

[ultramar]

My best recommendation is to keep an open mind, and consider the very real possibility that whatever mood you're in or behavior you're engaging in could very well not be the bipolar. For example, the irritability you mention --the possibility *exists* anyway, that this is sometimes neither depression, nor hypomania. In other words, just because a mood or behavior is intense, doesn't mean its bipolar, and I think this applies to all of us, though maybe especially if you have difficulty regulating your emotions outside of episodes as well/on a daily basis.

I suffer from a lot of anxiety at times, PTSD-type reactions, sadness and teariness, irritability when triggered by things that tend to make me, well, irritable. Increased pain affects my mood, all kinds of things do. But in these situations, if I change my thinking about them (which can lead to feeling differently when faced with them) I can feel better. I can come out of these emotional-states through journaling, exploring them with my therapist, positive changes in my environment or relationships. This is why they don't tend to last very long. And when it's a matter of these types of things, I do not tend to have a change of energy (apparently bipolar is not just a matter of mood, i.e. I'm very irritable right now, so I'm hypo), but also change in energy (i.e. little need for sleep), so I'm mindful of these things as well. If it's just mood, however uncomfortable, etc., it's just my mood, not bipolar, though this doesn't mean it's easy to deal with.

If I am having difficulties in the relationship with my therapist (or even a rupture), this can definitely upset me. But if I attributed the sadness and sometimes irritability associated with this to bipolar, then it would be hard to repair that rupture, own my part in it, and figure out ways to prevent them in the future. I think this can hold true for any relationship. Sometimes it can be embarrassing to what extent relationships with others can affect us, or other things going on in our environment, so thinking that others and maybe meds need to change -instead of ourselves- can ameliorate that -but how helpful in the long run?

Episodes are completely different. Nothing in my environment or attempts to change thinking can put my feet back on the ground, or stop the freight train barreling down the tracks without brakes. I won't come out of it because someone said or did something nice, or mean, or because my circumstances change. And I also don't sleep and have enormous amounts of energy and physical agitation. I think because outside influences don't change this state is what makes it so tenacious, makes it last so long -at least in my case.

I suffer from a lot of anxiety and how this manifests itself can mimic hypomania. I can get very fidgety, talk a lot and fast, insomnia, crawling out my skin, etc. So how do you tell the difference? Again, keeping an open mind that what may seem like bipolar *may* not be. That allows me the space and freedom to take a good look at what is going on around me and inside of me. Journaling, therapy, being honest with myself, I can often find a trigger. We're all different, my trigger will be different than others', and my trigger may seem too insignificant to cause this, but my history is what it is (I don't mean necessarily trauma, just whatever it is that personally triggers you). Knowing it's about my anxiety helps me to feel more in control, in that I can improve it, now and in the future.

I can also impulsively shop when anxious as a way to self-soothe. Sounds like hypo, but I know it's not. The other stuff just isn't there, and I know I'm anxious. I think a lot of 'impulsive' behaviors can be efforts to self-soothe, at the end of the day, and to soothe emotional states that may or may not be 'episodes.'

My recommendation is to try to be very aware of your environment, aware of your coping mechanisms, aware of your triggers -through journaling, therapy, whatever helps us to become more aware of these things.

If I attributed all of my sadness and anxiety (including fight or flight responses), irritability to bipolar, I think I'd feel helpless indeed, focused on medication as the antidote, I think I wouldn't 'own' my emotions and behaviors, which means not understanding myself, my psychology, my triggers, things that keep me grounded in who and how I am. Some freight trains can be stopped, before they go on for very long, without medication. Coping mechanisms and the rest of it.

[noshadows]

Thank Ultmar, always so informative and helpful.
I started CBT with my therapist. Now I'm filling in charts on what I'm like when I'm mildly depressed, moderately depressed, normal, mildly manic, moderately manic etc. It is an amazing exercise although it's the first time I have to actually write this down and thus the confusion about what exactly is what. I'm very excited about this journey and aim to get to that place that you have somewhat mastered, to be able to realize states, spot triggers, change thinking, implement coping strategies and identify normal life stressors.
It takes work but I'm so prepared to do it and actually love getting to understand myself better.
Yay! Here's to helping the process help me!