[monochromatic]

My thought is "he doesn't care about me". I've felt this consistently now for 3 days. The last two I felt it while feeling depressed, today I'm feeling extremely irritated and angry.

I've wrote about it using CBT, and worked through it at least 6 times now. Trouble is that as soon as I'm done writing about it, the thought is back up again and just ramming itself against my brain.

I know this isn't a lucid thought. I know I don't think this way when I'm feeling stable. I know it's a symptom, but I just want it to STOP, because I love my significant other very much and don't want to take this out on him.

What do you do when you have a thought that just wont go away?

[A Red Panda]

I tend to go

"stupid thought stupid thought stupid thought" with whatever it is... then "Eff off brain, I KNOW THAT ISN'T TRUE."

It'll keep going on and on, but the more often I tell my brain to go eff itself, the more likely I am to not act upon it.

Sometimes it gets bad and the thoughts get loud and interfere with my functioning. If thought blocking or distraction don't work, sometimes I have to take a zyprexa prn. That always shuts those thoughts right down. It gives my brain a break.

[monochromatic]

Thanks guys, I appreciate it.

So it just seems like one of those things that most of us still struggle with, even when meds are level - is that right? I wish there was more I could do.

You should talk to your doctor. Since my last med adjustment I don't have to fight those thoughts as often. I'm now able to focus on my day not what's happening in my head.

[ultramar]

Did something happen in the relationship that made you feel he didn't care? It doesn't have to be huge, sometimes small things can lead to such thoughts, just not feeling secure in the relationship for whatever reason --and then of course this can lead to ruminating. Have you noticed anything in the relationship that might have triggered this?

Because I think medication might be able to help with the rumination, but if this is an indication of some insecurity of whatever sort in the relationship, the best medicine might be figuring this out and talking it over with him.

Hope you feel better soon.

Im having trouble with ruminating at the moment too. Over silly things for me, I get so caught up in the thoughts I dont realise what is going on in front of me. Im not good enough at mindfulness yet for that to work to stop the thoughts, and CBT, like you, only stops until I am not distracted again. For me it is more annoying than distressing, I can sometimes take a step back and watch the thoughts without letting them affect me too much.

Last night I tried redirecting the thoughts (since I cant stop the flow), everytime I would start to ruminate I would redirect the thoughts to think about something else (in my case some tv shows that I am watching). It worked for a bit but I had to keep redirecting the thoughts everytime they slipped back into rumination. I think I will keep trying this though because it would work for 10 mins or so at a time.

[Faraway tree]

The bubble thing.

See the thought, don't judge the thought, let it go. Then it's just a thought and has no power.

[monochromatic]

I think it is most definetly my meds off. I'm coming off effoxor (just went down to 1/2 of a 37.5 today), starting up on lamotrigine (just went up yesterday).

And yes, it was a change with him. We were supposed to take off Friday to spend time together since he's been so stressed for so long, but he has to work (whereas I busted my hump at work today to take off).

The trouble is that I have a really hard time talking about things. It's like a waterfall. I open my mouth intending for a sentence to come out, and it's just a FLOOD of tears, statements that go round and round, and sentences that never end. It's overwhelming for me, but majorly so for him, because it's out of nowhere. He responds poorly, understandable, which just winds me up again.

So I really try to deal with these thoughts in-house, because it never seems to go well when I bring them out into the real world.

I really, really need to feel stable. I haven't been stable in 3 years. Misdiagnosed and the medication merry go round.

[~Christina]

I clean house over and over and over again .. eventually I am too tired to think.

It works for me most of the time

[ultramar]

I think it is most definetly my meds off. I'm coming off effoxor (just went down to 1/2 of a 37.5 today), starting up on lamotrigine (just went up yesterday).

And yes, it was a change with him. We were supposed to take off Friday to spend time together since he's been so stressed for so long, but he has to work (whereas I busted my hump at work today to take off).

I think it's endlessly difficult to distinguish what is medication, what is episodic illness, and what is (sometimes no less difficult to deal with than the rest) relationships.

Sometimes it's just not possible to tease it all out, sometimes it's a combination of all of these things, but I think the one advantage of dealing with some things at least *as if* they weren't the illness, is that we have more control this way, and it can help in ways that medication can't.

In other words, trying to continue addressing your disappointment and hurt with him, given the circumstances you describe, might be at least as helpful if not more so than addressing this as part of illness.

I hope this makes sense --I don't mean to minimize the role illness plays, only to maximize the control over these things we can have, if we put illness concerns aside, and address the person, the relationship involved. It's more complicated, in a way, maybe more painful, but could end up paying big dividends in the end. I hope you feel better soon.