[RainbowFaerie]

I had a horrible weekend. In the morning yesterday got into an argument with my partner. I kept my cool and said my piece and that was taken care of. Well, later in the day we got into another argument and that one escalated VERY quickly. I was getting very upset and shaking and I slammed the kitchen cupboard door. (When I get angry I have awful impulse control so I try to walk away and go in the other room if at all possible). I told her I was tired of us fighting like this and I needed her to be supportive of me in ways she wasn't being.

Let me say that she was against me going to therapy for 5-1/2 years. She is against medication. She thinks that the doctors make up stuff like bipolar, etc., and that they "lead" patients.

The argument just kept going on and I lost it. Before I knew picked up the sandwich buns and threw them in her direction. I told her I didn't want to fight like this, my nerves were shot and I couldn't handle this anymore. I told her the reason I was going to therapy and taking this new medication was to try and get a handle on things because if I could've fixed it myself by now I would've. I yelled at her that I was breaking up with her and this just wasn't worth it anymore.

Well later we both calmed down and I wanted to talk things out and she got upset again. She said she was tired of me being like this and I said I was too. She said we would get back together but the next time I lose my temper like that it's over and she's going to go out and date other people.

I have been crying on and off since yesterday. This morning I tried to explain to her that the doctor thinks I have bipolar. Well, she said, she doesn't believe in it, I just need to learn to control myself and that I keep myself down. I told her she wasn't a doctor and that if the doctor told me bark like a dog and that would help me get better I would. I told her again I needed her support. She said she can't agree with something (bipolar) that she doesn't think I have. I told her she has the right to handle her medical how she sees fit and so do I. She wanted to know what medical test proves that I have this because she doesn't believe it. She said doctors lead you into believing stuff.

I said maybe she would feel different if she talked to my therapist but I knew she wouldn't go. Well, she said she would go because she wants to tell her how I act and what she has to deal with. I think she sees me as her "problem", she said her life wasn't chaotic until she got with me.

I am in a bad space and I would welcome any input at all. Has anyone else been there in a similar situation?

Thanks,
RainbowFaerie

[darkeyes]

This may not be right for me to say, for I do not know either one of you, but she sounds like she can be "your problem", and being bipolar doesn't help, especially if one isn't on meds that they may need.

It may be good if she did talk with the therapist, perhaps she can be educated about this disorder, sounds like she is ignorant when it comes to understanding disorders.
It is hard to control one's temper if they are approaching or already having a manic episode, and that also applies with many non bipolar people.
What doesn't help in a relationship like this,is someone antagonizing the person with the disorder, just triggers more conflict.
I think if she isn't willing to understand and work with you instead of contradicting what the professionals know and advise you to do, it may be in your best interest,as well as hers, to end the relationship.
It's not uncommon that the person that doesn't believe mental disorders exist, are the same person that has issues, and even a disorder(s),but are in denial.
It's sad when one with the DX, works really hard following a program, and is improving but the partner just seems to go onto provoking stuff.
I'm not saying that is in your situation, for I do not know either one of you.
My brother's first wife was ignorant to the disorder,provoked him,said that pdocs and meds weren't necessary,blah!blah! I'm surprised she was able to recieve her Master's degree in elementary education.
It wasn't just his disorder she was ignorant about, but other things in life. Long story short, after her going to some sessions with my brother, his pdoc determined it was really his wife that had more of a problem than my brother.
Well, needless to say, she couldn't accept that (denial) and of course she wasn't going to get professional help, for she felt she had nothing wrong with her, that all the problem was due to my brother.
She was so ignorant she didn't think he had a DX but needed anger managment.
Well, how would any spouse feel if they came home and found their wife/husband in their bed with someone?
One of the things I'm trying to point out, failing/weak relationships are not always due to only one's DX, but the non DXed partner may very well have a disorder,and should be professionally evaluated.
Hope my long 2 cents was of any help.
Take care now,
DE

[RainbowFaerie]

Thank you, DarkEyes, for the input. She did agree to go to therapy with me next week, and I called my therapist this morning and explained the situation. The therapist said to make up a short list of questions to stay focused. I guess the first half of the session will be both of us and the last half just me so I can process. I am nervous but glad she is willing to go. I know that ultimately I can't control how she thinks about it (having a mood disorder). I can only work on me.

RainbowFaerie

DE made a very good point about the other person needing the help. when my oldest was in drug treatment, (her father pooh poohed the idea of my husband and i admitting her) the counselors pulled he, myself and my husband into an office and confronted HIM about his alcoholism...............(i know you want to know.. so i'll tell you, he stormed out and went home)

i am really glad that she agreed to seeing the T. it may be a very intense learning session for the both of you.......love, pat

[RainbowFaerie]

Well, she changed her mind and she's not going to go. She said, "Well if your mind is already made up that you're going to take this medication and you don't have anything new to say to me about it then there's no point in going." That was last week.

We got into it about the medication yesterday and I stuck to my guns and told her that's my decision how to treat my health, the same as it would be hers. I told her I was starting to feel better and that's what I care about. Long weekend in many respects. Thanks to all for the support. I need it so much right now.

RF