[elevatedsoul]

well, since they have me on the BP I list atm i was wondering if others could share their insight into mania? i've tried to tell them that i dont believe i am manic but their response 2 times is some explanation about rapid cycling and slow cycling or whatever, i dont have rage problems / anger problems and dont lash out

is it possible that they came to the idea of bp because i told them i once quit taking celexa cold turkey because one night i was drinking and my bro upset me blabla? (impulse?) and that i have insomnia that comes in goes, which i think they suspected in waves similar to bp disoders?

this is the hardest thing for me to understand, i think because i dont experience mania..?
any insights / stories with mania would be appreciated

apointments on the 16th so trying to get myself together so that i can have the courage to get out and go to the apointments and hopefuly beable to communicate and not feel like a withdrawn zombie scared to say anything

[Alokin]

"Rage problems / anger problems and dont lash out." In my case these are symptoms of agitated dysphoria, which I experience most of the time (I sound lovely don't I). But not everyone experiences this. You have insomnia occasionally, which can be a symptom of BP, however, I do not experience this.

My point is that if you do in fact experience mania/hypomania as a symptom of BP, everyone's experience with it is very personalized.

I have the opposite problem from you, I kept getting dx'd with depression, which I still do not agree with. I feel more like I will be hypomanic for months, the when I finally come down, because it is inevitable, I will be in what is described as a agitated dysphoria, with all the irritability and rage for several months (I honestly feel like it is my "normal" state). I suppose at some points I will experience some ephemeral depression, however, I feel that is is "normal" to be down now and then.

[elevatedsoul]

yeah, that makes sense.. that the mania is very personalized, i guess perhaps that may be a reason why im having trouble understanding it and or if i even have mania

most of the time i feel down and out, but put on a smile for everyone and try to do my best to not seem rude or ugly because the inside of me isnt exactly the greenest of gardens, it can often be followed by irritability and "silence"..? or mutism? not sure, i know that i withdraw from people and will just become silent and just exclude myself from things happening around me to try and not lose my head if that makes sense - but i feel the same all the time from what i can tell, or remember.. its not much cycling to it but rather the same story and different page (or day) if that makes sense

i've really been looking hard and trying to understand mania because i feel if its something that i can show them that i do or dont have then it would help the doctor find the right treatment for me faster, evidently me tellign them that im not manic is just not enough to prove it.. so its been a few months since i've been seeing the doctors and im hoping that maybe they will witness it themselves and see my personality/mood and possibly tell me more about myself than i know even!

[vans1974]

I experience two types of hypomania: euphoric hypomania-where I feel elated, joyful, confident, bright, but yet become impulsive, overconfident, and hypersexual! Dysphoric mania-or agitated depression is the best way to describe it! Typically, ADs and pyschoactive drugs will put me into hypomania or not being on an AAPs like Latuda. AAPs and anti-convulsants help keep me from depression and hypomania! Best of luck!!

[BipolaRNurse]

I think the line between hypomania and mania is different for everyone, and we are not always the best interpreters of that line. For instance, what I consider to be hypomania, my pdoc flat-out calls mania (hence my own BP 1 diagnosis) and treats me for it accordingly. I suppose he knows more about it than I do, because he's seen me in both states, and listened to me on the phone yapping loudly about shopping and hallucinations.

I do have a sense of when I cross over into manic territory, and that's when I suddenly become angry and paranoid and argumentative. I accuse people of "trying to spoil my fun" and am afraid they're going to call my pdoc to put me in the hospital, or I run up and down our long, sloping driveway, or I take off in the car and drive too fast with the radio blasting. And the restlessness......it's like I can't find a place for myself.

Whatever you do, OP, don't be afraid to tell your pdoc and/or T what's going on with you. They are there to help you, and they can't do their job properly if they don't have all of the information. I used to be that way too, not because mine intimidates me in any way, but because I didn't want him to know the worst about me and then think less of me. Well, that has proven to be a straw-man argument, because it's NOT his job to judge me and he doesn't. Yours won't either, if s/he is doing the job right.

[nycgal448]

I am Bi polar also

[elevatedsoul]

Thanks for the replies, I dont think im afraid to share whats goin on with me with them.. but more of I don't know whats going on, does that make sense? When they said bipolar, it shifted everything upside down because i hadn't expected anything like that. I am aware that some certain people experience a stage of denial? but at the same time i feel like im not so much in denial as i am in defense mode because i dont believe the Dx is accurate..
I've told them that i dont think im bipolar a few times and they just keep telling me i need to take my medication as prescribed, I've told them that i dont think i experience mania and they try to explain to me that people with bipolar experience cycles and that not all bipolars cycles are the same - some people dont experience highs they told me. But from all of the reading i've done so far i thought that to be diagnosed Bipolar there has to be atleast 1 case of mania ?
I've been dysthymic for probably over the past.. 4-6 years? before then i was "in love" and blinded, till my heart shattered and i came crashing back down to my reality where i was before i fell in love besides its getting/ gotten worse

I just cant seem to see how mania fits into my life at all, It just doesnt seem like its possible to find a case where mania was present.. even when i was blinded by love and dancing around jumping on the sofas, I became paranoid and obesive i believe, but i think any one that went through what i went through would have felt the same..

I dont think you can be beaten and broken but so many times before you start to question everything right.. if i am bipolar, im stuck in a depressive low apparently... but i believe that my prognosis is close if not dead on
PTSD, MDD, Social phobia, Panic disorder w/o agoraphobia (social phobia takes care of my agoraphobia >.>), possible GAD, maybe something else im forgetting atm,..

alas, how do you know if you have experienced sexual abuse/assault? and physcial/ verbal abuse, psychological abuse? Im not even sure how to bring those subjects up with my drs and think i have "forgotten" alot of what happened

I just don't want to go through more trouble and pain than i have to, and i feel like if im misdiagnosed i wont be able to treat or face the problems that are causing me so many issues.. I know that they can't just take my diagnosis and use it but how can i steer it in the right direction? i feel like when i try to tell them what i think about that they just push away from the subject and try to explain bipolar which makes me feel a little worse because i feel lost and alone with my treatment rather than feeling like things are going good

Is it possible for people to show signs of bipolar or be diagnosed bipolar because of things like abuse? during my evaluation (i think it was an evaluation) i dont know what i said when he asked about that, a few things he asked about i cant remember how i answered and feel like instead of giving a clear answer i just made it worse for myself, can i do the evaluation over? or ask to be screened for certain things? i want to know whats happening with me more than anyone i think..
anyway, gonna hop off and try to distract myself..
thanks for your time and kind replies

side note:
maybe i should note at this time that i still smoke cannabis, but it doesnt turn me into a mindless couch zombie... dunno what would have happened to me by now if it wasn't for that flower