[Hannah1]

Hi,
I am new to this group and am having a hard time. I can't talk to anyone in my family because they don't understand. I guess a little background may help.
I was diagnosed with depression when I was a teenager, didn't get the bipolar diagnosis until about 5 years ago. I am now 49.
Have a son who is 26. Good parents, a brother and a sister, blah blah blah.
Not sure what my question is other than I need help. I know it's Christmas Eve and I am supposed to be happy. Supposed to be going to my sister's house for xmas eve dinner. This happens every year. I don't want to go. I don't want to be around happy, successful people when I am miserable and hate my life. It just makes it worse. My brother and my sister are adopted (at birth) and are very successful in their careers and their family lives. Me, not so much. I just feel like a failure in every way. And I feel guilty for feeling like this. I feel like I'm over here having a pity party for myself and don't know what to do. I don't want to feel like this, but I can't seem to shake it. I have been taking medications for at least 20 years, am now on Prozac, Zyprexa, Ambien for sleep, Vyvanse for ADD and a thyroid medication. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. Does anyone else ever feel like this?
Any advice would be helpful....thanks....

[Moose72]

Can relate. My sidter is here and i feel like a failure too.

[Victoria'smom]

I used to go to my grandma's house every Christmas. All my cousins have masters degree and very successful careers. I dreaded it, as myself and husband are unemployed and just trying to get through daily life. I have lied and said we're in college for social work but in really we're working on our selves. Now that we're not doing that anymore it saddens me but I don't know why. I guess it because I've done that for the last 30 years. I learned last year most of my cousins were jealous of my little family. They have no idea how things are in my home but because my son reads instead of interact he's perceived as a well behaved kid. They hope that their children are like my son.

My psychiatrist says most bipolar patients get seasonal depression. Which means your probably not a failure but others my not tell you. Most of what you said sounds depressed. Are you in therapy at all? Maybe you can escape early?

I'm so sorry that the both of you are feeling this way. I am too! I wish I could just count my blessings and not feel so depressed. But all I feel is depression and failure. My only hope is with the New Year coming. I'm going to set some goals and pray that I can accomplish them. Until then all I can do is just take it one day at a time. I hope you both will do the same. Hang in there!

[PrairieCat]

We all have a hard time during the holidays. Always. In my experience, families just don't get it. Try to relax and yeah, leave early! Get a good therapist to help you develop a better self image. It's a battle all the way, but we can get through it. I am with you.

I will spend the holidays alone with my two adorable, loving cats. I will talk to far away family members on phone. Makin' tacos and will have some Tequila Rose! I don't drink, but have a bit during the holidays. Thank God for TV and music. I may see a neighbor on Christmas day.

You are not alone. I wish you the best.
Big Hug!
PrairieCat

[BlackPup]

People hide the things that don't want you to see so that you only see their successes. When we are depressed we only see our failures. It's not a fair comparison.

Best wishes to those who struggle at this time of the year. Try to remember that this holiday is all about love - you are totally and utterly loved.

[Hannah1]

Thank you to everyone who posted. It's so nice to know I am not alone in how I feel. I ended up not going and I'm fine with that. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas! Here's to hoping next year will be better.