[kms4586]

Hello, all.

So, I am very new to the idea of getting online and talking about my problems. I am also fairly new to understanding my bipolar diagnosis. I was diagnosed about a year ago, but have been struggling with this illness for quite some time.

I need help. I don't know what to do about my extreme mood swings. I am on medication and go to therapy regularly. I just always seem to go back and forth between manic episodes and depressive episodes, without any time "in the middle" or just feeling "normal". It's getting to the point where it is impacting my personal life and my professional life.

I am in a pretty dark place right now. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am frustrated because I have so many good things in my life, but I only think (and worry) about the negatives. Nothing seems to work. I am confused and I am tired of it. I am scared about what might happen to me if I don't get better. My friends and family don't understand. They think it's as simple as..."just feel better". Well, I came to the conclusion a long time ago that it isn't that simple.

I'm not sure what I want to get out of this post. Maybe I am just looking for someone to say, "I understand". I am tired of feeling this way, I am tired of self medicating, I am tired of cutting myself, I am just tired.

I feel like I have done a lot to seek help and I am not getting better. I need help. Please.

[Black_Raynebow23]

Hey kms4586, I understand.
It's hard for me to talk about my problems too, online and off. I'm Bi Polar as well, it can be quite irritating, lol! My family doesn't know what's really going on with me either. If I'm in sad mood too long I get the normal "Come on get Happy", they don't understand I can't just perk up whenever I want. I never self harmed, but I did go through an alcoholic period. I don't drink as much anymore though.
What your feeling, that, "I'm scared what might happen to me if I don't get better". I've been there and I still feel that sometimes, but it's not constant anymore. I didn't do anything special, just tried my best to actively think more positive. You have good things in your life, try to focus in on them. Sometimes when you feel surrounded in darkness you have find the light in little things. For me it's music. Not matter what mood I'm in music makes the day better. I hope anything I said was helpful and good luck!

[Victoria'smom]

We all understand. Its hard for family to grasp mental illness. Its because they love you and don't want you to suffer. I flipped back and forth for a while before finding my "stable" for moods with med changes.

[r010159]

I understand. Looks like some med changes are in order. Lucky me my doctor has been very responsive to my needs. It just takes awhile before I can see him. I hope this is not true for you.

Keep up the good fight!

[ManicIcarus]

I know how it feels (maybe not exactly how you feel) to have people thinking you should "just get better". My mom pulled that crap the whole first year after my diagnosis. She's gotten better about it, but she still does it from time to time. Ironic thing is she was diagnosed with Manic Depression (the old name for Bipolar) when she was twenty'ish.

Hang in there.

[Sad&Bipolar]

I have mixed moods and lately have been on the "roller coaster". It is frustrating. Now anxiety has crept on me too. You are right, it is not a simple matter when it comes to brain chemistry.

You may want to contact your local NAMI. They offer groups for family members to help them understand what you are suffering, and how to talk to you.

I had a very wise doctor tell me, "The only way out of the pain, is to go through the pain." Every time I sink low, I do eventually come out of it. Depression does not last. Be wary of the times you are manic, to prevent going to the extreme high and all that can happen.

In the mean time, keep coming back here. There are a lot of people feeling the way you do. We all support each other.

Hey, welcome to the site =)

I'm not bipolar, I'm schizoaffective. A lot of times I wonder if I was misdiagnosed because I question a lot of things though.

Even though I received and immediately accepted my diagnosis about 4 or 5 years ago I *still* hear that bulls**t a lot of the time. It makes me so mad. And desperate sometimes. Especially now that I'm in between providers. Everyone notices a difference when I'm treatment I can manage better; when I'm not I'm a complete mess.

I share your frustration. All who personally go through this do. It's annoying and, frankly, ignorant for people to say sh**ty things like that. It's not like we can wake up & paint smiles on our faces for the world while still being convincing - even if it feels that way some or most of the times.

All we can do is call for support when we are willing, able & need it.



That's for you =)

[StartingFreshNow]

I've been at a low like you. I didn't get to the suicidal point but I did get to the point where I said to myself, if this is what the rest of my life is going to be like, I'm not going to make it. Nothing was making me better. I had tried a million meds and combos and nothing was helping. I couldn't see anything positive even though I knew I had a life most people would dream off. I was really low. I told my doctor (well, my psychiatric nurse practitioner) and she immediately changed my meds to get me out of that.

We still had to hunt for the perfect combo, and we're still adjusting the dose 4 months later, but I'm in a much better place. For me, at least, the meds was the big thing. I'm apparently hard to figure out when it comes to them, but it's worth the time and effort to find them. I seriously almost quit them completely I was so hopeless and looking back, I think that could have led to something majorly severe (like suicide).

You aren't alone, know that. I know that doesn't really help, but you aren't. There is also a light at that tunnel - it's just that all of our tunnels are different lengths and it's hard to know how far away from that light you are, but keep pursuing and you'll get closer.

I also had to change counselors. Mine just wasn't doing it for me, but the one I see now is way better. It was hard to change because I liked my first counselor like a friend, but that was the problem.

Hang in there!