[Dontfeellikeme]

Hello there, I'm posting here as not sure it's the right place. I'm a mental health nurse so should have a handle on stuff but I haven't. I've had mood problems for a few years, which I attributed to a stressful job on a dementia ward. The problems nearly cost me my job as just couldn't do nights without making myself Ill. Thankfully I managed to secure a new job working with young people and I was certain that that would be the end of the problem. It hasn't been and I'm terrified that my stupid head is going to destroy everything again. Had to take several weeks off earlier in the year as had this weird time where I just couldn't stop or sleep and felt rushy good but couldn't focus. Brushed it off as one of those things, as you do. Now I seem to have completely crashed down low again and can't handle it. I am on the edge of tears the whole time, feel like everybody is watching me, and can't get on top of my work. I feel terrified that I will make everything bad again and just don't know what to do to end this. I don't want my life to be this all over the place and I'm angry that I don't seem to be able to reign my mood in. I don't know what else to do. Sorry guys if this is the wrong place to post but I sure could use some advice, Cat xx

[Angry1541]

Originally Posted by Dontfeellikeme

Hello there, I'm posting here as not sure it's the right place. I'm a mental health nurse so should have a handle on stuff but I haven't. I've had mood problems for a few years, which I attributed to a stressful job on a dementia ward. The problems nearly cost me my job as just couldn't do nights without making myself Ill. Thankfully I managed to secure a new job working with young people and I was certain that that would be the end of the problem. It hasn't been and I'm terrified that my stupid head is going to destroy everything again. Had to take several weeks off earlier in the year as had this weird time where I just couldn't stop or sleep and felt rushy good but couldn't focus. Brushed it off as one of those things, as you do. Now I seem to have completely crashed down low again and can't handle it. I am on the edge of tears the whole time, feel like everybody is watching me, and can't get on top of my work. I feel terrified that I will make everything bad again and just don't know what to do to end this. I don't want my life to be this all over the place and I'm angry that I don't seem to be able to reign my mood in. I don't know what else to do. Sorry guys if this is the wrong place to post but I sure could use some advice, Cat xx

Guess my best advice would be to see a psychiatrist and explain (in detail) what you wrote here. I am not qualified to diagnose you, so that's my advice...but I can relate very much to your post.

[Dontfeellikeme]

I'm quite avoidant of letting the GP refer me as I work alongside the psychiatrists. It would just be too embarrassing. Thanks though x

[Angry1541]

hm...that's really the best way to get the treatment you need, if in fact you are BP or something else....I wish you the best of luck.

[Skitz13]

I understand how you're feeling. I to a mental health nurse and I don't always recognize the signs.
In 2011, I had a major suicide attempt. I was in the worst depression I've ever been in. I haven't been able to work since.
I had a good 6 months of total stability and I was actually making plans to get back to work. Then in February it all started coming back gradually. I've just been through a mixed period. Now it's either depression or hypo mania, I think. I have to figure that out still.
Maybe you need to take a little sick leave to get yourself together.

Now I really am just speaking about myself here but I always removed myself from any kind of patient contact, but really that's just me. A bit of a break might help. If your stressing it's only going to make your moods worse and take the chance of an absolute crash.

Just my 2 cents worth.

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm a nurse too and I finally had to retire from clinical nursing late last year, as I felt I was unsafe at any speed. I've had too many BP episodes and am on a substantial number of medications, all of which has turned my memory to Swiss cheese.

But I would be far worse off if I didn't have a wonderful psychiatrist, who not only manages my meds but does therapy as well. It's taken a couple of years but he's taught me to believe in myself at long last. I don't know where I'd be now if I hadn't gotten help. Just because we are nurses doesn't mean we always know what's best for us. If you don't feel comfortable seeing someone close to your workplace (and I don't blame you there), find someone from another facility or health system. Your mental health is too important to let go.....please get some help. It will take time, but you'll be SO much better off.

[Skitz13]

I have to agree with BipolaRNurse. You do need to get some help with this. Ya can't do it alone. When I was right in the middle of my illness everything came crashing down. I lost everything. I was living on someones couch for 7 months and it certainly wasn't what I was a custom to.

I had some really good therapy and I was able to slowly start rebuild my life. It took some time but so well worth it. I was pretty messed up a few years ago and to see where my life could be was unimaginable. I made it. I still can't work yet but I'm hopeful for the future. I've learned how to be patient and go with the flow, for the most part. I still really struggle with this disorder but I'm learning how to manage.

Don't let this get far from you.. If I would have been able to be more aware, none of this would have happened. I didn't catch it because I didn't know and I was trying to keep my career in check and try and stay focused. It became impossible. You gotta catch it.

[Dontfeellikeme]

Thanks guys. Appreciate your responses. I had therapy and I am already on meds for what it seems worth. I really don't want to have to stop working and if this doesn't sort itself I'll go back to gp x

I understand where you are coming from about not wanting to get into the mental health system locally because of work. I work as a PCT in mental health and I am friends with 3/4 of the mental health workers in my area. I don't really want them knowing my own health issues.

However you can't put your own mental health on the backburner because of embarrassment. I would look at making a trip to the next major health system. Your own health is too important!