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#526
Mar 12, 2014, 11:30 PM
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Feeling anxious and conspicuous today. I want to be quiet and blend, but i have to speak and give opinions in meetings at work. So i speak up, and then worry that i've said the wrong things or sounded stupid. Last week i posted about having told my supervisor about my bipolar. He was really supportive and it was received well, but i am kind of regretting telling him because i feel awkward around him even though he hasn't said anything. I think that's part of why i'm second guessing everything i say when he is around. Hate anxiety!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
 Anonymous200280, Anonymous45023
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#527
Mar 13, 2014, 01:51 AM
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I'm mostly stable I think but have been staying up very late the last 3 days. It's almost 3am now. I am missing one of my friends very much, its been 2 weeks since I have had word. Not knowing is very difficult.
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#529
Mar 13, 2014, 01:18 PM
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Not sure how long this mixed episode will last, I'm not optimistic though. My longest depressive episode was almost a year.
Although, I guess a few weeks being mixed so far, is better than a year. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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"I would say any behavior that is not the status quo is interpreted as insanity, when, in fact, it might actually be enlightenment. Insanity is sorta in the eye of the beholder." - Chuck Palahniuk |
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#530
Mar 13, 2014, 05:44 PM
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I think tomorrow will be an interesting day. I'm pretty confident when I see my gp tomorrow afternoon she's going to say I'm manic. I don't think theres anything wrong with that fact. I'm up I'm getting stuff done isn't that a good thing?
Tig
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PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin  |
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#531
Mar 13, 2014, 07:24 PM
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I am depressed. Hopelessly depressed in the deep black tarry pit that sucks you down like quicksand. So far I've maintained control this afternoon. Was a little weepy this morning. I kept telling myself today "I can do one more thing" a and then did them. They were small tasks but they were something. I didn't allow myself to go to bed and turn to a pile of mush. That could have been dangerous because then the horrible darkness would have spiraled out of control. I barely controlled it by staying busy with little tasks. My mind wants to kill me. I know it's the depression. I don't want to go, but if it gets much worse, I'll have to go to the hospital. Something is different about this depression that all my wonderful coping skills aren't enough this time. Usually I live well and in control with all my bipolar states--meds help a little and coping skills do the rest. Something about thus mood swing is different. I guess it's time to find out what and learn some new skills.
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| Anonymous200280, Anonymous45023, charo224488
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#532
Mar 13, 2014, 07:30 PM
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About 3/4 good and 1/4 irritated. Spent most of the day at my moms so she could see the kids. I had to refrain from swearing a few times. Were both bipolar and far too much alike for my own piece of mind( kinda funny since she did not raise me. My dad had custody) and that causes us to get into screaming matches occasionally. Usually over stupid stuff. And of course today was no different. But then she decided to bring my husband into it and I went ballistic. Yes he can be a butt however sometimes she is to him as well. She thinks I should side with her always because she's my mom. I'm like ummmm no. He's my husband. Him and our kids are my family. They always come first. I know that's unconventional for some but not me. They come before anyone else. And when he is unnecessarily harsh I've spoken up to both of them. I'm just over it.
Fefe(28) -bipolar II Hubby(28) Son(8)-aspergers and possibly ADHD and odd Daughter(5)
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Using Tapatalk |
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#533
Mar 13, 2014, 08:19 PM
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Dog snuggling me on one side and cat on the other. Relaxing on my bed. Feeling pretty ok.
Well maybe a little bit lonely. Could use some social interaction if only on here... Sent from the dark side of the moon Last edited by Roblovescats; Mar 13, 2014 at 08:45 PM. |
| charo224488
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 Phoenix_1
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#534
Mar 13, 2014, 09:15 PM
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I'm in overall good health and my day was decent. I was able to tolerate my family without having thoughts of harming them. I spoke with my oldest daughter and she's still ok. I cooked dinner and helped my youngest study for spelling.
Sent from The Land of Golden Sunshine using Tapatalk
__________________
#SpoonieStrong Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day. 1). Depression 2). PTSD 3). Anxiety 4). Hashimoto 5). Fibromyalgia 6). Asthma 7). Atopic dermatitis 8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria 9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1) 10). Gluten sensitivity 11). EpiPen carrier 12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. . 13). Alopecia Areata |
| Phoenix_1
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#535
Mar 14, 2014, 01:42 AM
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I went out for drinks with a couple of psychiatrists that i work with tonight. It was pretty fun. I got to hear a lot of back stories and gossip about all the psychiatrists in the hospital and at the mood disorders clinic. I always worry that people through work will figure out my bipolar, especially when i hang out with the psychiatrists, but i don't think it crosses their minds. I am good at blending in. We have a lot in common, but their lives are also very different from mine. I think they would be shocked if they knew my story.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
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#536
Mar 14, 2014, 01:59 AM
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I could feel the depression coming before it even settled in. Ouch. This is worse than I felt when I initially sought help. This past week has been a horrible ride. In the midst of my attempt at reaching out for help to recover from a possible ED, I have experienced a living nightmare. Hit many brick walls, found many obstacles. But I am finding my way over them regardless. I have chosen to believe there is hope. Still, I've learnt a lot about myself through it all. And why I fell so deep in the first place. And BAM. Depressive episode. Like a ton of bricks, struck me in the chest. I have spent the past two days crying excessively. And wanting to retreat into myself, but trying hard not to. I missed my appointment with my psychologist and had to reschedule. Still working on trying to find someone new that I click with better. Not that I don't 'click' with my psychologist. I actually feel comfortable with him (it's the pill dispenser... er, the other guy that I am not connecting with), but I feel like I would benefit more from a specialist right now. I feel like I cannot tackle my mood disorder (whatever it is) until I am fully recovered physically. I keep finding myself wishing an up mood would hit me, but I know that's silly. As the crash down is hard. Still, through all of this, I remain hopeful. Because I feel my heart beating, and I can reach out and pet my dog. I'm still kicking, and that counts for something. I am trying hard to not let this depression drag me down, but it's a hard battle. Tomorrow, I am going to try to call my psychologist. Hopefully, tomorrow is a better day...
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Love is.. OSFED|MDD/PPD|GAD|gender dysphoria|AvPD a baby smiling at you for the first time a dog curling up by your side... and your soulmate kissing your forehead when he thinks you're sound asleep |
| Anonymous200280, Anonymous45023, charo224488
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#537
Mar 14, 2014, 03:10 AM
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There were 2 to 3 minutes today when I wondered briefly was the effort of every day worth it--then my therapy cat jumped out of nowhere to bonk me a few times. He always knows how to get a laugh out of me, which I guess commits me to another day of trying.
  
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roads & Charlie |
| charo224488
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#539
Mar 14, 2014, 07:05 AM
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Today is decent so far but it's only 8 am soooo....
My daughter has decided it's time to cuddle this morning so I'm going to go do that. Always relaxing and makes me happy. Fefe(28) -bipolar II Hubby(28) Son(8)-aspergers and possibly ADHD and odd Daughter(5)
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Using Tapatalk |
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#540
Mar 14, 2014, 08:03 AM
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Woke up very very low after a bad nights sleep. Group didnt help, did some mindfulness activities that focused on our stomachs, where I was having very bad cramps so that did not help in the slightest. Anxiety has been on the increase as the day went on. Anxiety is beating the depression right now. Trying to decide if I completely knock myself out tonight for a good nights sleep or just risk it, I cant afford to be dopey tomorrow.
Tomorrow I have day leave to go home and go to work. Nerveracking. I think I can handle work but it will be hard to leave my horse again, and hard to come back to the hospital. I dont have a discharge date yet so I dont know when I get to go home for good. |
| Anonymous45023
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#542
Mar 14, 2014, 10:59 AM
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Debating lieing to my gp dr or leaving out bits of the truth so she doesn't up my seroquel more.
Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
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#543
Mar 14, 2014, 11:25 AM
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So I really need someone's perspective, someone who understand how this feels. Started a new antidepressant about a month ago and it has made me manic. Saw my GP who has been my only doc. for the last 15 yrs, and who is so frustrated with my treatment. Everything we try either stops working or I have a bad allergic reaction to. Have had anaphylaxis in his office 3 times. Anyway, he diagnosed acute mania, which is accurate. Then he asked the usual questions, and said maybe this is the best we can get and is keeping me on the drug and manic. He said if anything changes I should call him right away, but that keeping me manic doesn't seem so bad to him, considering the alternative. The only way I can sleep is with 1mg. of xanax, which I do take to sleep. Of course he tried to get me back on lithium, which I refuse to take because I don't like the side effects and feel that taking it is like a stamp on my forehead that screams 'I am crazy'. (no offense to anyone who takes it- just my screwed up issue with it). He told me regardless of whether I take it, I am that person. I know that, but I hate the drug. I have literally tried everything out there. Mania is so wonderful and creative and fast, like the best high. But it's also frustrating because everyone seems to slow and stupid to me, and I feel my skin crawling and if I don't do at least 4 things at once at all times I start to think crazy things. So I would love anyone's opinion on my gp's decision to let me stay manic. Please don't suggest I enter a hospital- I will never be hospitalized. I would rather, well, you know. I have never been hospitalized and I am proud of that although I know that is also a screwed up thought. Has anyone ever had a mania that lasted a long time, like months or years? I am afraid to crash. Thanks for listening and sharing your thoughts.
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| Anonymous200280
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#544
Mar 14, 2014, 04:08 PM
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So go stopped my seroquel because I'm manic still. She started zyprexa instead but kept everything else the same. We'll see what happens.
Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
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#545
Mar 14, 2014, 06:27 PM
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I'm feeling sick and irritated.
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Diagnosed with: Major Depression, Bipolar with Borderline traits, Grief/Anxiety, depersonalizations disorder, disassociating identity disorder, PTSD Lost dear older bro November 1987 to March 2005 My love for him will never stop |
| Hopeful Camel
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#546
Mar 14, 2014, 06:57 PM
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Quote:
 sandra |
| charo224488
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#547
Mar 14, 2014, 07:00 PM
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I'm really fighting some paranoia today. But it may be for valid reasons. I called a hotline and the lady said to take a shower, so I am going to go do that. And maybe tube out. The first National Suicide Hotline that I called routed me to a local agency and the guy was really gruff and ugly to me, and then said "fine" and hung up on me when i wouldn't give him my doctor's name, and my address. Grrrr.
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| Anonymous45023
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#548
Mar 14, 2014, 09:31 PM
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Today was a good day. I took a bunch of the youth patients I work with snowboarding/skiing with some of the other staff. The program I work for is a mental health team for homeless and precariously housed youth. It was really cool to see the kids out having a good time, and not just being caught in their symptoms. I am really lucky to have my job.
__________________
"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
| Phoenix_1
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#549
Mar 14, 2014, 10:01 PM
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I'm so antsy and have so much anxiety. I'm waiting on a BIG axx decision from SSA and of course I'm just another number. They can take as longggg as they want to send an answer in a letter.
Sent from The Land of Golden Sunshine using Tapatalk
__________________
#SpoonieStrong Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day. 1). Depression 2). PTSD 3). Anxiety 4). Hashimoto 5). Fibromyalgia 6). Asthma 7). Atopic dermatitis 8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria 9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1) 10). Gluten sensitivity 11). EpiPen carrier 12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. . 13). Alopecia Areata |
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