Holy depressive symptoms Batman!!!

I've been out of work since the day after Christmas. I can't afford my meds or insurance. I have enough cash saved for a couple of months of house payments.....

I'm sick and tired of being me. I hate having the self control of a slow 5yo. I hate being damn good at what I do and not being able to keep a job for more than six months.

I love my children and hate that I've possibly passed my craziness into them.

I hate that my ex takes no responsibility with the kids and I have to be both parents. I'm a poor father, let alone a mom.

FML.

Hi MM

I'm glad you posted as I haven't heard from you in a while. Geeze, the holidays are bad enough without having to deal with employment. I was laid off from my last job Dec 17th it was awful. I'm really sorry you're having to deal with all this bs. Have you thought about filing for disability? I worry that if you're seeking a job off your meds it will be very overwhelming. I know that I had a hard time dealing with the rejection. I'm not advocating ssdi but it can be temporary until you get back on your feet. As for passing on genetics to your kids, I don't think there is such a thing as a 100% chance of not passing on something. I don't know any families that don't have cancer, addiction or mental illness. It's just a common occurrence within generations. This is beyond your control, so what is in your control is to provide stability and minimize dysfunction in the family. Too often I think ppl compare their live and family to a sort of Norman Rockwell / tv sitcom facade which is unattainable. Don't be so fast to criticize yourself as a poor parent. The fact that you're here posting this shows how much you care and have thought thru their quality of life! As for having a problem with self control that could be a medication issue or undiagnosed adhd. Try to pause and take a deep breath before you react. Going off your user name I wonder if you have looked into any help available from the VA? I'd imagine you have better self control than the average civilian. If you are not ready to retire, would it make more sense to try to sell your house? I know the market is not great but it's better than foreclosure. I have a friend who just lost their home bc they couldn't come up with the 9 months delinquency. And I guess a last option would be bankruptcy if you have a lot of debt. I do know that student loans are not forgiven except maybe thru disability. I'm thinking you have a background in computers? I think with bipolar a good option is working from home. Then you don't have the drama of coworkers, micromanagement or set hours.
Peace,

Tnt

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What your children really need is to know you love them and they can survive anything else. Just show them your love.

I'm sorry about your losing your job, but understand being without health insurance for 9months now. I hope you find something soon. Best wishes.

thinking of you, mech x

Thanks all.

My name (MilitaryMech) is just one I've hung onto for years on the net. I've been out of the Marines for 8yrs. I went back to school and became a RN. I've been a nurse going in six years and have been specializing in Hemodialysis (kidney replacement therapy) for four years.

I'm damn good at what I do. My bosses never want to fire me, they are forced to because either a) my mouth runs away with itself (it's not my fault!!! BS!!!) or b) I do something stupid in public like kick a door or make a bad joke about kicking a co-worker in the shins (if you saw it, you would know there was no threat meant or intended).

I just have the minimum control over my temper when I'm stressed. I'm now a full time single dad (the ex ran off with a doctor), my mom lives with me (my house, my mortgage) and I'm damn near $40k in debt from the divorce and my school loans.

Before I lost my job I was doing so well!!!! I had knocked about $10k off my debt in the last year. I had gotten my bills organized and I was about to start having insurance again.

I JUST refinanced my house and if need be I could rent it out for a profit. I'm getting unemployment (for now anyways) and it COULD be worse.

I'm really pissed that I'm having to look for jobs that aren't in Nursing! I'm a NURSE! This I more than what I do! It's who I am! I care for people. I fix their problems and make them better! Now I'm looking at having to sell stuff at BestBuy :-/

Sorry, I'm just angry at myself

Christ..... I've just been shot down for another job that I'm supremely qualified for. I'm not sure what I'm going to do

Have you considered trying to find a job as a nurse with a mental health clinic?
Sometimes there are community mental health clinics for mainly Medicaid and Medicare patients, those who cannot really pay but need the care. One I went to for a while had a fabulous nurse who worked for the psychiatrist and she, the nurse, had bipolar disorder. I am sure the psychiatrist hired her and probably also helped her. You may have already done that, but there is not just one of those type clinics in my town. Or try the next town maybe?

Or - what about a "call a nurse program" for a medical insurance company or hospital or ? - where patients just call you and ask questions. Possibly could be done from home.

I'm so sorry to hear that, MM. But I think Prairie Cat has good suggestions. Maybe a home health provider for the elderly? I know geriatrics is supposed to be a huge field with baby boomers.

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My problem is I have a misdemeanor conviction for "simple battery". I lost it when I found out my ex-wife was having an affair with a physician we worked with. I laid my hands on her. Totally unforgivable.

Combine that with my history of getting fired and I seem to be untouchable.

Well, unless I can find a state/federal job, I think I'm basically "screwed" as an acute care Nurse now. I've gone on a couple of interviews and I thought one even went ok. I can't even get people to call me back, and have had applications canceled mid process.

I'm going to finish by BS degree and take a course to get a certificate to become a "Legal Nurse Consultant". That would allow me to work for myself and work from home. It would all be paperwork. That I can do and not cause trouble, I think.

So very sorry for what you are going through. Pretty close to same situation as far as career. I too am an RN that cannot find employment. Post situations said I was "intimidating" to "some" staff and expected too much from those I supervised. The last job gave me a 3 day leave to "think things over" after which I walked in and quit on the spot (something I have never done before). Needless to say I was in a wide open manic period.

The idea of BS and work for home is good one and serves too masters, one you could support you and your family financially and two you could be "there" for your children without being at the demand of hospital or facility.

Good luck in your endeavors!