[calvinandhobbes]

I am new here but I needed to tell this to someone I guess. I'm still going up on my Lamictal, so I'm in an awkward place med wise, I'm only at 100mg right now. The last week and a half I've been getting more and more depressed. I was taking my sleep medicine on Tuesday and I took twice what I was supposed to and had to physically stop myself from taking the rest of the bottle (It's Trazodone so I doubt I could have OD'd anyways) but I just keep considering it though I know its bad and I don't truly want to, deep down. I just kind of want to disappear. I told my parents I was depressed (I left out the bad thoughts) but I'm not sure whether I should call my psychiatrist or what I should do. I see my therapist tomorrow but I'm scared to tell her everything because she might want me to go inpatient. Im only 19, I have college I can't do that and get so behind. I feel trapped and scared.Sorry to unload but I really don't know what I should do.

[r010159]

Originally Posted by calvinandhobbes

I am new here but I needed to tell this to someone I guess. I'm still going up on my Lamictal, so I'm in an awkward place med wise, I'm only at 100mg right now. The last week and a half I've been getting more and more depressed. I was taking my sleep medicine on Tuesday and I took twice what I was supposed to and had to physically stop myself from taking the rest of the bottle (It's Trazodone so I doubt I could have OD'd anyways) but I just keep considering it though I know its bad and I don't truly want to, deep down. I just kind of want to disappear. I told my parents I was depressed (I left out the bad thoughts) but I'm not sure whether I should call my psychiatrist or what I should do. I see my therapist tomorrow but I'm scared to tell her everything because she might want me to go inpatient. Im only 19, I have college I can't do that and get so behind. I feel trapped and scared.Sorry to unload but I really don't know what I should do.

I think when suicide had become a real possibility, I would call your pdoc and also voice your concerns about college. Maybe inpatient is not the only option. For that matter, if they determine you are not an immediate suicide risk or an immediate threat to anyone, I believe they cannot commit you to a hospital against your wishes. But other qualified people here probably can give you a better opinion about procedure.

[redbandit]

I agree! you should contact your dr. Is this something you've experienced before, or does it happen occasionally?

[kitten55]

I would call the psychiatrist. It's a shame you can't fully disclose your situation with your therapist. That's not a good place to be, but I'm kind of in the same boat. Hold tight.

[lateralminds]

Remember this too many pills won't kill you it will give you excruciating pain and more problems, please chill and that's your best advice.

Never take too many pills again, trust us!

[calvinandhobbes]

Originally Posted by redbandit

I agree! you should contact your dr. Is this something you've experienced before, or does it happen occasionally?

It has happened a few times before, this is one of the worst "episodes" (or whatever) I've had in a while. I usually just kind of want to dissapear, not actually think about how and seriously consider it, which is why I'm scared. I called my doctor and left a message, I should have sooner this week before it got this bad but I was scared I was overreacting. It just snowballed so fast. I plan to be completely honest with my therapist, as hard as that is. Hopefully we can figure something out, because I'm scared to let myself be alone, and I don't think that's right.
I really appreciate everyone's thoughts, thank you.

Your health and sanity come first. I realize that you're a college student and don't want to "fall behind", but those things are not as big in the grand scheme of things. It's better to go inpatient now (if that's what your medical team advises) than to let things exacerbate further, and it's better to be completely honest with your psychiatrist.

I'm a junior at a highly competitive and prestigious university, and I was in a similar place to you when I was a freshman. Scared, I withheld things from my psychiatrist and psychologist that impeded my BP diagnosis and proper treatment, even though I had to be hospitalized over three times (I lose track). Eventually I took a year off to take care of myself. Do I regret it? Not at all. Sometimes the fear of slipping causes more damage than taking the leap to ask for help (and to be completely honest when doing so).

Let me know if you'd like to talk more, or if you have any questions. I'd be happy to help in any way I can. Good luck.

[TheatreKid]

I'm a university student and I'm trying to get through school while dealing with symptoms. I know how scary it sounds to need time off of school, but you can get help and return to school. I thought it was the end of the world last year when I dropped out to go into the hospital, but I made it back.

How small is your program? Do you know your profs? I'm in a very small program and have shared with some of my profs what I'm struggling with, and this means I have people at school looking out for me. Also, does your school have any sort of office for students with disabilities? I was able to talk to specialists there, and work out accommodations for my education, like help with taking notes, consideration for alternate evaluation in the case of disability-related absence, and more time to complete essays. It takes some of the pressure off and helps keep me out of the hospital.

Originally Posted by TheatreKid

How small is your program? Do you know your profs? I'm in a very small program and have shared with some of my profs what I'm struggling with, and this means I have people at school looking out for me.

This is a good idea. If you don't want to share specific details, then give them a note from your university's disability services that lists (i) that you're registered with them, and (ii) accommodations that you qualify. This will be just as effective. Your professors will understand that you have a lot on your plate.

I have a note from disability services. I have chosen not to disclose my exact medical details to my professors, but I do tell them when I'm "sicker" than usual. Sometimes when I have severe side effects from medication, etc. I'll get a note from my psychiatrist and psychologist and share that (alongside my concerns) with my dean. He will either write to my professors, or help me work out how to approach professors.

This was really helpful during finals last semester, when my mood stabilizer pretty much sedated and disoriented me in the morning. I was able to reschedule my exams to the afternoon.

[calvinandhobbes]

Originally Posted by calvinandhobbes

I am new here but I needed to tell this to someone I guess. I'm still going up on my Lamictal, so I'm in an awkward place med wise, I'm only at 100mg right now. The last week and a half I've been getting more and more depressed. I was taking my sleep medicine on Tuesday and I took twice what I was supposed to and had to physically stop myself from taking the rest of the bottle (It's Trazodone so I doubt I could have OD'd anyways) but I just keep considering it though I know its bad and I don't truly want to, deep down. I just kind of want to disappear. I told my parents I was depressed (I left out the bad thoughts) but I'm not sure whether I should call my psychiatrist or what I should do. I see my therapist tomorrow but I'm scared to tell her everything because she might want me to go inpatient. Im only 19, I have college I can't do that and get so behind. I feel trapped and scared.Sorry to unload but I really don't know what I should do.

So I was honest with my therapist and I was inpatient for 12 days. They changed my diagnosis to Bipolar I and changed my medications, I think for the better. Catching up in school has been hell and it's caused me a few mental breakdowns but I don't think I would be here if I hadn't gone to the hospital, so anything is better than that. Most of my teachers have been understanding. One is a jerk but I have the disability and student services department behind me so he doesn't have much choice as to whether to accept stuff. I still have lingering depression but they're still messing with my meds so that's to be expected. Just an update for anyone who was curious as to what happened.

Originally Posted by calvinandhobbes

So I was honest with my therapist and I was inpatient for 12 days. They changed my diagnosis to Bipolar I and changed my medications, I think for the better. Catching up in school has been hell and it's caused me a few mental breakdowns but I don't think I would be here if I hadn't gone to the hospital, so anything is better than that. Most of my teachers have been understanding. One is a jerk but I have the disability and student services department behind me so he doesn't have much choice as to whether to accept stuff. I still have lingering depression but they're still messing with my meds so that's to be expected. Just an update for anyone who was curious as to what happened.

Glad to know that things are improving for the better! Good luck with this last part of the semester, and have a wonderful summer!

[crazycatlady_83]

My university offers students the chance to take a semester off, for a compelling reason, with no penalty and you don't have to reapply to get back in. I actually withdrew early in the semester and was actually given that semester and the next one off. Life happened and I wasn't able to go back until almost 10 years later. But even with my academic probation for grades, a GPA below 1.0, I got accepted again. And I've learned that I just can't handle a completely full load. I'm taking three classes, 10 units. But I'm also commuting and have two kids to take care of with the help of my husband. I left work on a medical separation so I could just focus on school, because I couldn't even handle working full time and just taking an intro organic chemistry class. Just make sure to take care of yourself, that's the most important thing. School can be done at any time...I'm almost 31 and back in school.

[outlaw sammy]

Originally Posted by theatrekid

i'm a university student and i'm trying to get through school while dealing with symptoms. I know how scary it sounds to need time off of school, but you can get help and return to school. I thought it was the end of the world last year when i dropped out to go into the hospital, but i made it back.

How small is your program? Do you know your profs? I'm in a very small program and have shared with some of my profs what i'm struggling with, and this means i have people at school looking out for me. Also, does your school have any sort of office for students with disabilities? I was able to talk to specialists there, and work out accommodations for my education, like help with taking notes, consideration for alternate evaluation in the case of disability-related absence, and more time to complete essays. It takes some of the pressure off and helps keep me out of the hospital.

great advice!