[Roblovescats]

I hate that sometimes when my mind is racing that I can't stop from thinking about terrible things that aren't true. Not that I want but more that I fear. My mind plays out my greatest fears and I see them vividly until it gets to me so bad I have to physically shake off the images. Sometimes this happens as I'm falling asleep and it gets so bad that I literally jump up screaming with anxiety. Yes I have sleep panic. Sometimes I have it awake too. It isn't because of anything real. My mind races and goes to what if.. Worst case scenarios.

Sent from the dark side of the moon

[swheaton]

I've done this while awake..putting myself into a state of panic. Does it happen a lot?

[Roblovescats]

Yes. Mostly when I'm manic or mixed. I had it happen a couple times today. Driving I had an image of the moment I found my cat in the street and the whole thing played out like a movie in my head like I was there again not in the car... I yelled and shook my head and yelled again. Then laying on my bed I was thinking about my daughter eating the food I had made for her in the other room and thought about how quiet it was and was she ok did she choke and had vision of her dead on the floor and me trying to do CPR and the paramedics coming and taking her away ... It's horrible. Part of why I have trouble sleeping is because I'm so stressed and upset that all I do is have nightmares that scare the hell out of me to the point I wake up screaming. I swear I spend most of my waking hours in fear of nothing real. My life feels like one prolonged anxiety attack that never ends.

Sent from the dark side of the moon

[atomicc]

I do this as well. :/ I get so anxious and I think of these horrible things, I think of them so hard they're close to real and then I panic even more. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

[BipolaRNurse]

I know what you're talking about.....the nightmarish scenarios which are ALWAYS something terrible, never nice. I wish I didn't have those too, but I do, although antipsychotics have taken most of that away. You have my sympathies.

I have similar sort of intrusive thoughts. Started a new med that is supposed to cure them (Clomipramine). At the moment just feel dopey as. Cant tell if its helped the thoughts yet though cos they are directly related to my hormones, and at the moment the hormones are ok.

[swheaton]

You're post made me think...I do this all of the time. I've done this for YEARS. I'll have days where I'm okay, but others...I start thinking about what would happen if my husband died and I found him. It just spirals from there. During the last year of my first marriage, I would lie in bed thinking about what could be on the floor that my daughter might trip on. I would get out of bed and wander about the house picking up whatever was on the floor. That would lead to me cleaning out the fridge because I didn't want her to eat spoiled food and get sick.

Wow.

[Roblovescats]

I have a feeling this is all related to OCD which I am very aware that I have. I suspect it's common for people with bipolar to also have OCD. I don't know why but it just appears to be the case.

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[Victoria'smom]

I get the video's that play out in my head usually when I'm depressed I can actually see myself committing suicide. When I'm manic I can "watch" myself commit homicide. One "scene" stops and another replaces it seconds later for hours on end. I tell my husband when I'm worried that I won't realize if I was actually committing homicide. Usually I take my prn that night and I'm good the next day because I'm drugged. The repetitive suicide I can watch seem to comfort me so I say nothing and don't take my prn.

[Roblovescats]

I think denial has been my saving grace in life by allowing me not to think about reality. When my mind is racing it gets hard to not think about things that bother me. For me depression is mostly self loathing and I don't drift into thinking about bad things other than how much better off the world would be without me. Mania is what hurts me most. The lithium has been very helpful.

Sent from the dark side of the moon