The most embarrassing part of your illness?

Right now I'm most embarrassed having to admit to anyone - - whether it be husband, T, pdoc or friends - - my thoughts and behaviors as a result of being in a depressive phase.

Ugh, this exactly. Everything about it embarrasses me.

Spending sprees, all results from psychosis - insulting everyone in my path strangers, friends, family etc. Looking back at the wreckage and the humiliation of apologies or explaining that I was manic. The average person thinks mania and bipolar are lame excuses. I acted like a freak at s really good job, took short term disability, and told them I hit menopause. I was in my freaking 30's so they probably thought ok pathological liar.

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oh my gosh yes this is me too. I didn't realize oversharing was part of bp until my doc told me. I thought I was just VERY open and honest. But I can't even count how many times I have thought back later about something I said and just been mortified...

Oh yeah, me too...that's part of the reason I ended up dropping out of college last year.

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When I had several complete screaming matches ( me screaming him trying to get me of the building) in the lobby of mental health clinic. Has happened more than once and that lobby is to the crisis center too. Everyone hears it .

When I spent a week crying in bed at my in laws house and now I have to go back.

Screaming and chocking my best friend in front of the whole school because she made an annoying comment. Only my counselor could convince me to let her go

probably the talking too much.

but mine symptoms are more internal actually.

apparently when I was manic my mom informed me I was cussing at all the drs and nurses at the emergency room...calling people M F*ers and I don't talk like that! I don't remember doing this...and the other encounters I had while manic were pretty bad.. I would be very embarrassed to see those people again!

Yes! Not remembering the incident, I'm guessing you don't remember who they were(?) Or do you? Were they local people you might well run into?

That was a big element of Major Exhibit B for me. We were new to a very small town. I didn't see, let alone register/know any faces. I was terrified to leave the apartment for a long time after that. They could be anyone. Anywhere. They'd remember me, that's for sure. Not only for their having had "front row seats", but for my being a definite racial minority there. And what did BF say later? "Well, guess we know what everyone in town is talking about over dinner tonight." (!!!!) Thanks. Very helpful.

I would say the depression. I make promises I know I won't keep and people get mad because they don't know I'm bipolar.

Being worried that the wrong person will find out. Oversharing. Panic attacks in the bathroom at work. Being so depressed I can't shower or take care of myself properly. Not having health insurance right now and only being employed part time. Not handling stress well at all.

Being told that bipolar isn't an excuse.

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Not being able to think or do because I'm overwhelmed.

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Definitely the depression, especially the, uh... *self harming* part of it. That was always the most shameful thing about it.

PTSD flair ups when out of fear I completely over react in anger. I hate that fear has control of me in those times, so embarrassing to try and explain.

Me too!

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I doubt a lack of remorse is a bipolar symptom. I have a few people in my life that never apologize, 2 of whom don't feel any remorse after wronging people they love.
I personally think its more a personality thing as many of us feel remorse and can summon up the courage to apologize later.

What's the most embarrassing for me? Definitly random crying in public places like on the bus, the delusions (thank goodness they're rare), and treating loved ones like shyt when I have no mouth guard.

My mouth, the incessant talking about crap no one cares about, but not having the ability to stop. The times my clients have noticed and commented on my depressed moods even when I'm trying to hide it.

Impulsive thoughts popping out of my mouth. Awkward moments when I realise what I just said and the hearers are sitting there in stunned silence. Hating myself later when I keep remembering the moment.

For me, it's making really BIG decisions when I'm manic, and then when I'm normal again having to deal with the consequences or telling everyone that I changed my mind. For example, quitting my job(s), moving overseas, moving to a new town, becoming a Baha'i, getting "saved", deciding that I'm going to go back to school to become a math teacher/Spanish teacher/speech-language pathologist/counselor/feel-in-the-gap here, throwing all my clothes away because I've become a minimalist, throwing all my food away because I've become a super strict vegan. It's come to the point where people don't even take me serious anymore when I tell them about new ideas I have or new plans I have. I find that really embarrassing.

Being accountable for all the things I do when manic.

During my manic episodes, I have:
screamed at the pharmacist because I suddenly couldn't remember what meds I was prescribed--and telling her that my psychiatrist was f***ing with me....

screamed at a bank teller and called her a *itch because the computer was down for five minutes....

woke my kids up at 2 a.m. to holler at them for their "low" grades.....

geez I'm pretty new to this dx and the more I read these forums the more I realize how many bp symptoms I have and have had for a while LOL. yikes. "awkward moments when I realize what I just said..." yup. having great ideas and then having to renege on them later...yup. random crying in public places...yup. all of this time I just thought these were my personality quirks...

Being a guy and crying at work once was pretty bad, I have to admit.

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The strange delusions and heartbreak when reality hits me in the face and i see they aren't real. I'll even bring it up in conversation, as if it happened that day, but one look from my friends and a quick nod, and it lets me know i was wrong. But sometimes its just a torture to know that some of my happiest memories never actually happened. But the most embarrassing thing definitely (Sorry that first thing is rather depressive than embarrassing. Is where i have "special" dreams and wake up sore in all the wrong places (Also I'm such a perv.)...Plus i talk so fast sometimes, it's like a ferrari i can't hit the brakes on. kzdjfhsjkdfbsdfkuvbsdf alot of the time.