The most embarrassing part of your illness?

Im a little "out there" sometimes

This, oh my god. I am a college student and like 3 people I've known have self diagnosed themselves bipolar but "dont need treatment, they just smoke weed, because it fixes everything". Every time this has happened they don't even really know the symptoms. It's just "sometimes I'm happy, but then sometimes I'm kind of sad." When I ask what medicines they've tried, looking for advice, they usually say "oh well I havent been diagnosed, but **** the mental health system, right?" .....right.
I know it's not a lot of people in the grand scheme of the universe but ******* it's awful. I kind of wonder if that's how the public sees people with bipolar and I get really embarrassed and sad.

Being so depressed that I cry all the time. Being out in public and I am trying my hardest not to cry but people still notice that something is wrong.

Being re-admitted to hospital and having many people find out as they are either in my support network or work or have found out from gossip. Its embarrassing that I've failed cope to the point of needing to be admitted

Asking my college professors questions--> Which lead to asking them more questions-->Which lead to the professor getting irritated--> Which lead to the professor asking me to quiet down--> Which lead to forgetting that the professor asked me to quiet down--> Which lead to asking another question and getting in an argument with the professor--> which gets me kicked out of class--> Which pisses me off a lot--> Which causes me to skip major classes for 3 weeks--> Which causes all of the professors to have a personal vendetta against me--> Which causes me to feel like a moron a month down the road--> Which lead to dropping out of college. Now when I return in the fall I will have to take those same classes with pretty much the same professors.

Definitely the random crying in public.

"What's wrong?"
"I DON'T KNOW"

Starts to get old.

I, also, have not gotten used to having to answer the following question: "What are you on Lamictal for?" every time I see a doctor/go to the hospital. I usually answer in a very hushed voice. I'm sure that will get less embarrassing to me with time.

How to chose just one thing as being the worst??

Probably being treated like im wounded. Like my mom doesn't want me to get a job because she feels like my bipolar makes me disabled. Thats great and all but I'd like to try to work. 0

Not being able to contain my irritability and rage which is embarrassing when I do something stupid and then want to take it back. (Like throwing a water bottle at my boyfriend's head for taking too long to answer my text or making him drive 2 hours home from a friends house because I was in a rage-ful but depressive state and thought he wasn't supporting me enough)

The constant hiding of my illness and dealing with the negative consequences of telling people my diagnosis. People wonder why I don't work, but i can't tell them I'm on permanent and total disability for being a nut job. When I act weird and I know it's obvious, but I can't tell people why. People just assume they know why I am and do the things I do, but they're always wrong and I can't even tell them the truth about it. My husbands ex thinks I went in to the hospital for depression and now she acts like she's above me because I have to take meds and she doesn't (she's about as dysfunctional as they get however) I would love to say, I went in to the hospital against my will after 2 weeks of psychosis. But I can't.

Being flawed and deficient and unable to handle the stress I once could. Not being a good role model for my children and family.

I am in the same situation.....I feel relieved that I am not working, but kind of like I should be doing something important and I don't know what that is.

It is embarrassing and I never tell anyone I'm disabled because of mental illness.

Going through a depression now and feel like I'm being judged because I'm not doing lots of productive things.

I can relate to almost everything that has been said b here. I've told lots of people at work about my dx and I don't know why I did. Always worried about seeing a new Dr and.listing out my long.list of meds. My daughter being the brunt of my irritability and constantly having to say I'm so sorry. Being so depressed ib can't see straight. Getting irritated constantly at the public at work. Their lack of appreciation of being happy and they don't know how good they have it. Thinking everyone can see my illness without me saying a word about it. The ruminating about how bad off I am. Not feeling sorry for myself...just that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'm always going to feel this way. Hoping that in the after life that I won't be depressed. I constantly worry about that.

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Lobster - Oh my god something similar happened to me. I told a lady whose husband is bipolar and instead of becoming a closer friend, she's always watching me and looking for any sign of crazy.

Yep that's it lol...they're always watching you from then on.

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This. 16 jobs in 5 years does not, in fact, make an impressive resume.

The most embarrassing part right now is how when I'm depressed I turn into this massive sucking vortex of need.

I don't reach out most times because I feel like everyone is just sick of my neediness.

Being non-productive.

I know we've talked about this before, but mine is also the massive amount of emails I send.

And how ridiculously hyper-religious I become. When I think about the way I come across, I cringe.

YES!!!! Except instead of disabled, I'm treated like a child. I have a wonderful support group but I constantly hear "are you taking your meds, sleeping?" Even, "you can't go there because it might trigger [fill in the blank]" or "you can't drive" Or even "you can't take long showers" (long story there) when manic. And my husband has control of my meds when I'm depressed. It is soooo embarrassing and it drives me crazy!

The biggest embarassment for me was the reaction from my family/coworkers. "Hey, are you ok? You seem lost..." "Oh, I'm ok...just was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and trying to figure it all out" *cue awkward silence and grimaces* "Yikes...well...hope you...errr...figure it out."

The most embarrassing part for me and how it is manifesting now is my inability to just be me. Finding it nearly impossible to do even minor things to maintain your life and having to make excuses.

The inability to be productive. Being a couch potato embarrasses me.

Ugh the delusions and the fact that I felt compelled to TELL people about my magical thoughts and experiences. And knowing that they were humoring me all "oh um okay. How interesting" while knowing I was off my rocker. And I completely believed my brain without a doubt in my mind. I thought that crazy **** was true and it makes me feel had by my own brain and it makes me feel like such an idiot. Cringe

And acting like a mean and crazy ***** in front of people. Especial people who have no clue about my illness like my in laws. Like storming out of the room and slamming. The bedroom door and not being able to come out all while everyone is having dinner together etc. oh my. Oh dear. Cringe

And I agree with the depression stuff. I try to tell myself it is an illness and not my fault and I need to take care of myself but I feel so embarrassed when I can't do simple stuff or drive and or just behave like a normal person and so much falls on my husband.

The crazy *** rambling texts and emails to my poor friends.

CALLING THE SAME PERSON OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL THEY ANSWER. Now that is embarrassing......

People who don't really understand telling you that "everybody goes thru that" or "We all got issues, hon" or "I cry, too, ya know."

......signing up for all these correspondence courses when you're manic, then not being to see the coarse thru because you later become too overwhelmed and depressed.................

....when you just need to vent and then people start giving you all this advice you didn't ask for and some of it has nothing to do with what you're talking about (like when I've told people that I've gotten my self in debt because I was manic, then they start going on about how to manage my money and telling me that I should sign up for a Dave Ramsey course, even tho that's not really the issue--the mania is the issue)....