[Victoria'smom]

I'm coming out of a depression but my water is now due to be shut off, insurance was canceled, and I don't even know about electric or internet. I have to dismantle my suicide plan or at least find the flaw and my son is currently on his way home. I have no one to borrow money from and I don't get money for a week even then I'm not sure if I can get back on track.

Any ideas would be apressiated especially dismantling the suicide plan and what would you do with your SI tools given that you don't want them staring you in the face.

[unlived]

what was the suicide plan? We cant help dismantle it without knowing what it is

Can you just put your SI tools out with the trash?

[Victoria'smom]

It was a plan with a date. The date past the plan is still there's .unfortunately it's not thing I can throw out because it involves medication that is not mine, meds with horrible side effects, ED side effects, using bodily safety net against it's self, aphixiaion, and trying to initiate stroke/brain damage.

I really don't want to throw them out because if it comes to it I'll use unsafe/unsanitary items so to me the risk having the tools outweigh the risk of not.

[Hbomb0903]

You can't solve your problems using the same mode of thinking that caused them. I've heard this statement made before and it seems apt for this situation. You have to let your plan go...

[Victoria'smom]

My biggest concern is using that plan next time I'm in that spot.

[unlived]

I dont think you can completely "fix" it and stop yourself from using it in the future. I guess the best method would be to make sure those around you (family, t, pdoc) know what the plan is / was in detail so they can hopefully see some signs and stop you acting on it in the future. And the meds that you plan on using that arent yours can be hidden by the person who owns them maybe?

As for the date this time - can you plan something fun involving others for that day?

I have had a plan and a date and I know that even when you have come out of the depression that date it hard to resist but personally I made myself really busy with other people on that day and it was easier that way.

[Victoria'smom]

The date passed My husband told me tonight that I didn't tell him I was suicidal, but I gave him all the things and told him to hide them so I don't get how he didn't realize. He's the one that asked me to go to the crisis center. (He says because I had been depressed for so long and started SI) I think it was a " I'm going to block this out kinda thing" He said that if he knew I had a detailed plan and date he would have called my t, his t, and both pdoc's and would have dealt with the first one that picked up. He's really, really mad. I made it worse by not mentioning it at all to T today.

Do you think if I wrote the whole thing down for T it'd be used against me later?

I guess I should be happy that he's no longer upset about the bills.

[unlived]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Do you think if I wrote the whole thing down for T it'd be used against me later?

No it would be used to HELP you not as something to hold against you

[Bipolarchic14]

I have intense suicidal thoughts at times, a plan and even a date from when I am in that dark place. What I have not done is bought the supply's to complete it. I would recommend getting rid of the resources you will use to complete the suicide. Additionally, something I have noticed that helps with my suicidal ideation is working on something I care about that is unrelated to my disorder. For me, I write. I notice on the days I am writing thoughts of suicide really aren't there. My therapist mentioned that suicidal thoughts can be automatic thoughts and working on a hobby that I like keeps those thoughts at bay. Additionally I am not sure if you work or are on disability, but if you work, maybe you can pick up extra hours. Also I would call the utilities and explain you are having a rough patch. There may be assistance programs that they know about, that you could qualify for. Good luck.

[Victoria'smom]

Also I would call the utilities and explain you are having a rough patch. There may be assistance programs that they know about, that you could qualify they said Friday was the last day to get an extension but I didn't realize until Monday, welfare says because our income is still positive at the end of bills they can't help. My husband went to the next counties resources center to see if they can help. He didn't want me to go so he's probably telling them l ****ed up because I was depressed.

He wants me to look over my notes and make a very detailed letter about everything I can remember, (from my depression) including what I was seeing that made me take my prn and everything I did and didn't tell T and why. I omitted several things from Monday's session (he has no idea that I outright lied at times) when usually I'm tmi. He just wants her to know how bad it is in my head even if it's after the fact, even if he doesn't know, " so my head can't tortcher me that long" Nov-march. I also have to make an appt with pdoc because I'd miss it anyway.

The kids are coming home today. We're all okay and t wants me to find some respite care because being 24/7 parent/wife isn't good for me. I'm suppose to stop holding my breath for the next episode because I have a healthy family that I should be having fun with.

[r010159]

I am taking care of my MI mother (dementia). I found that respite care can help allot when used at the right time, when things are particularly bad and unable to cope. A change of scenery can help. Visit a relative for example. Also, I see your husband is being very wise. I would listen to him. He has allot invested in his relationship with you. It appears that he only wants to help things get better for you.