Haha! I assume I'm not depressed anymore!

Oh such a wonderful day, even from the beginning. No suicidal thoughts whatsoever and no cravings or thoughts to self harm either, which is a nice plus. I'm beginning to notice patterns in my moods. I get a little manic then depressed then manic again then depressed again. Gee... duh I just described bipolar at its simplest. What I'm saying is that it's nice to start to see something concrete to look at that says, "hey! I sort of predicted this was going to happen, so I can try to feel a little better (or calm myself down )"

Now that I don't have to worry about being suicidal this next week (I hope haha!) with people in town it will be so much easier to get along with people. I plan on telling my therapist I was suicidal, I did have plans, I will be again soon most likely. I know that isn't really positive but I think it's the best thing I can do right now. I hope I'm in a good enough mood to not chicken out on Monday.

Such a good day though! I worked for 2 people who couldn't show up and still got out at normal closing time. Sure I was speed talking like a nutball all day and customers/boss thought I was on cocaine, but who cares I actually had fun at work again!

I'm fairly confident that I can handle my depressive episodes in the future if I can get the right stuff lined up with my therapist and pdoc. I want to get some sort of procedure for times when I get really depressed, because it seems to be happening rather frequently and intensely lately.

Ahhhhhhh so glad to be back to a person who can converse somewhat normally with people again! Hope you guys can make sense of this post, I wrote it in like a minute or something so its probably all mixed up LOL!

I'm glad you are feeling better, but be careful! You sound like you're up there. What are these plans you have to tell you pdoc? You're rapid cycling up and down is concerning so I hope you mention that too. Enjoy your good day!

Oh yeah, the rapid cycling is a big thing. He kind of suspected me of it last yearish but never was really certain. Now it is kind of evident. The plans you ask?...well basically I had plans but I got lucky and my sister happened to call me. It was so weird because I was suicidal and she called having no idea that I was depressed and told me about a dream she had where I got in a car accident and became paralyzed from the hips down, then killed myself. She said she would be really sad if I ever did, I think that helped me a lot. I'd like to think that saved me...the ironic thing is that about 3 months ago I was also suicidal and did a couple real bad self harm things...long story short, right after I did something to myself an hour later I got a call that my sister was in the hospital having exploratory surgery for internal bleeding.

RAMBLING...haha sorry, I'm just so happy she called at the right time.

So apparently when I get depressed my sister has really bad dreams and major surgeries... Sorry sis, I'll try my best to stop

This all sounds like what has happened to me. Its nice having that mental "fog" lift and everything now becomes clear, isn't it? This has taken me several years. But it is nice my brain is working once more.

I still do have my mood swings, but so far they have not been debilitating, and they have not effected my newly found mental acuity. "Look ma, I can speak and use words greater than four letters long! And I can tie my own shoes!". LOL That is how I felt at times.

Mental fog lifting! That is exactly it. That's one of the ways that I could tell I wasn't so depressed, I actually noticed the sky and clouds and trees surrounding me when I was driving. That along with replaying the song "Free Bird" for like 2 hours because it's suddenly awesome again.

Yes, this is me too! I thought I was one of the few who experienced this "mental fog". I also have significant memory lapses. But those started to go away. I am starting to remember things from the past, even what has happened yesterday! I just do not want to get up tomorrow and find this has all disappeared.

I don't really have problems with memory except during mania...spending money and not having a clue why my wallet is empty was really angering sometimes haha. BUT, I have been remembering things from the past lately...things that I did in school like yelling at teachers and getting kicked out of classes and worse things. It's weird to remember things that you would think would be obvious to you.

I'm glad you are feeling better! Seems we are on opposite cycles lol...I'm definitely coming down. Looking back on how much money I spent the last two weeks...doesn't look good. I need to prepare for this down but enjoy your time, just be careful!! Glad your sister called you at the right time.