[insideout]

I have been dealing with this bipolar problem for a few years now. i got pretty bad a few years ago... almost committed sucide.
i used to come here to psychcentral for support but burnt so many bridges, got too paranoid and etc... so i left for a long while.
well it's now about a year (i'm estimating cuz my memory is shot) since i've talked here and here i am.
i think i had a manic episode that lasted a few months.
what a crazy ride.
almost made some stupid decisons but luckily maintained and had some self control left.
i had to force myself to suffer through.... i wanted so badly to do stupid things like permiscuious sex, tattoos, quit jobs, drop out of school, do methamphetamine,.... the list really goes on and on.
but it was hard and i did it. i resisted.
now i feel like i just woke up from a coma.
literally!!!
i feel like i was in a fog.
like i had a brain infection that went away sudenly.
and i still cant convince myself that it is all real!
how supid am i?
diagnosed with bipolar a few years ago.
quit my meds a year ago.
thought i was fully recovered a few months ago.
but just now realizing that i was under the influence of a manic episode....
any advice would be appreciated.
i dont even know what i NEED so i don't have a question to really ask.

[Junerain]

for insideout,

first I would pat myself on the back for the resisting you did...resisting sex, dropping out of school, quitting jobs, and doing methamphetamine....wow that's a lot of resisting, you should be proud of yourself no one else resisted for you- YOU DID!!

You feel you are under the influence of a manic episode- mania is REAL and can be dangerous- are you in counseling? Your Pdoc or therapist could help you do even more resisting, and praise you for the resisting that you have done, and explore what led you to be diagnosed bipolar.

Here's hope you can come out of the fog- write us and let us know how you are doing, we care.

[biplol]

{{{insideout}}} only us know how hard everything can be at time, I know and I'm here for you.
Like Junerain said, don't be so hard on yourself, you didn't do the stupid stuff, that I bet at the time seemed to be the most logical thing to do...Ohhh well.
Welcome and PM me anytime~

I was diagnosed bp 1 about 5 years ago. Staying on the meds has been hard sometimes. I think I'm well & that maybe this bp dx was wrong or I want to have an episode of hypo mania (feels so good), but after reminding myself about the crushing depressions I had, I choose to stay on the meds & I've even found some joy in this relatively stable life I have. Hope you see a doc & get your mood stabilized. Best to you.--Suzy P.S. Yes, I've done outrageous things while manic & irrational things while depressed.

[gwen26]

hi,
the first thing i can let you know is that you may need to get back on meds. yes we all wish there could be a cure all pill; but in reality there is no such thing. sometimes we have to admit that we are more stable while on meds.
next i would recommend to find a support group in your community; maybe try your county mental health center. having not only us; but others you can turn to helps tremendously. the most important is to keep your head up and don't give up. don't let bipolar take control of you; but you take control of this disorder.
gwen