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#1
Apr 03, 2014, 12:06 PM
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DE'nile.
I was re-diagnosed BP after I took the first antidepressant and spent the next decade and a half in and out of hospitals. Then after I got the help from my then PCP I quit the antidepressants and after a about a year I was doing better than I had ever been in years. So I refused to belive I was BP. c-PTSD yes, MDD yes, but no I'm NOT BP!   Things have been going badly recently and I took the mood tracker quiz to see how bad the depression was, IT said I'm manic! How can I be manic if I'm depressed????? I'm not sleeping true, but thats a symptom of depression too right? And yes I'm irritated very easily, but come on thats not cause for that quiz to rate my mania score so high, whats going on. Yes my T kept telling me I was still BP but I thought that was because she believed any one who had mania from a medication was automatically BP. Now I'm starting to wonder if she meant BPII?? Maybe those times I felt great really were hypomania? But I thought I was doing great then.  I was functional!!!  So I took the bipolar quiz, that said I most likely had BP but whether it was BP I or BP II was unclear. I feel defeated. I don not want to be BP it somehow is too much, it as if it is not longer the medicines fault for all those hospitalizations but mine.  I do not want this. NO I do not want this. I do not want this in a chart. I do not want this in a bowl. I do not want this wrapped up nice in a bow. No I do not want this at all.
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Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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#2
Apr 03, 2014, 01:54 PM
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Quote:
You sound like you are in a mixed state, which is a complete ***** to deal with. It is still treated as bipolar is treated. You will likely need a mood stablilizer. I am in the same boat as you. Irritable, racing negative thoughts, high anxiety and feeling pushed to do something.... but then no motivation to do anything, alienation in public, confusion and mental fog. It sucks. Im trying to get a handle on it because it's ruining my life. I wish you good luck. Your story sounds much like mine as I denied my bipolar for years and I think my hypo episodes are when I felt really great, and I had a long period of baseline between major depressive episodes.
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Bipolar II - ADHD ~A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?~ Albert Einstein |
 Nammu
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#3
Apr 03, 2014, 01:56 PM
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I've been reading lamictal is the best, hands down, for treating BPII. The risk of the rash is the main thing to worry about with this drug. But this is just my thoughts, as I am not a doctor.
Check out crazymeds.com
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Bipolar II - ADHD ~A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?~ Albert Einstein |
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#4
Apr 03, 2014, 02:01 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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#5
Apr 03, 2014, 06:26 PM
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I denied the BP dx for years. First dx'ed at 18, spent a year in and out of hospitals, fought them tooth and nail on the dx because I never got manic! I thought, anyway, because I was never happy, just sometimes I was tired and miserable and sometimes I was energetic and miserable. Knowing what I know now I probably spent a fair amount of time in antidepressant-induced mixed states. Anyway once I got ECT and recovered from my childhood trauma I figured THEY were the crazy ones!!
Made it six years, each worse than the last in terms of stability. Last year I had what I now recognize as a bad mixed episode, followed by my first ever euphoric hypomania! At that point I had to conclude maybe they were right six years ago. Even after all I've gone through this year, even after repeatedly going off meds and ways getting depressed, after the psychotic mania, after my most recen med-ditching/hypomanic episode....there is still part of me that refuses to believe. I don't know. It sucks is all.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| Nammu
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#6
Apr 03, 2014, 06:35 PM
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Sucks, is right. I hate the idea of needing antipsychotics.
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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#7
Apr 03, 2014, 06:57 PM
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Not all people take anti psychotics or take them on a regular basis.
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Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
| Nammu
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#8
Apr 03, 2014, 06:59 PM
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Well to be fair I only take a mood stabilizer. I only use the AP if I'm in a really bad episode. Like I started on it because I was so depressed I couldn't go to work and was threatening suicide. Once I got over that episode I dropped it and haven't needed it since. So you don't ALWAYS need an AP. In fact I would avoid it as long as possible.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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#9
Apr 03, 2014, 08:01 PM
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I can not use antidepressants because they trigger psychotic mania, that's why I kept getting put into the hospital. With out those I don't think I've ever had real mania. To be honest my past experience has left me never wanting to use drugs again. I'm glad to hear they don't have to be a regular thing. Maybe they could just give me sleeping meds temporally ,.....I know I'm bargaining. I really feel like I'm grieving.
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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#10
Apr 03, 2014, 08:10 PM
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I never put two and two together until this year when three times I was hospitalized and all three times it was because of an antidepressant. Now I will never take one again. I'll get ECT again before that. And I'll never listen to a pdoc who prescribes them anyway despite what I tell him/her.
No thanks to the psychotic mania. Last year when my symptoms returned I felt as you did. I did grieve - grieved for the life I had lost and for the reality that was shattered. But a year later I can say I have at least stopped being so angry and resentful. I have not fully accepted the dx but I'm not angry about it anymore, which is a plus. And that was achieved through therapy, both individual and group.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| Nammu
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#11
Apr 03, 2014, 08:30 PM
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ECG worked?
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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#12
Apr 03, 2014, 08:50 PM
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Definitely, but the side effects were severe and long lasting, so I wouldn't do it unless I had no other options.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| Nammu
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