[swheaton]

Mood is better today. My home life is solid, the grieving process is moving along (thank you therapist), and my husband holds my hand until I fall asleep.

[Roblovescats]

I feel really bad. Depressed.

Sent from the dark side of the moon

[r010159]

Originally Posted by newgal2

The only thing good about today is my pdoc has me starting on a new antidepressant for my nearly 9-month long depressive episode: fetizma. I hope to God this will help me, even a little. This will be the 4th antidepressant I've tried in the 9-month period. Can you say "treatment resistant?" I really hope I don't become the poster child for that. . . Don't know how much longer I can do this.

I think it is called refractory depression. FYI

Originally Posted by swheaton

... and my husband holds my hand until I fall asleep.

That is so sweet!!!

Got to bed really late last night, but at least remembered to knock myself out in order to actually sleep. And having the day off, did so. Overall, some improvement. Now if only gear it up to tackle the papers pile. It's the one zone that is TOTALLY out of control. (I am sooooo bad with it…. crammed everywhere, randomly on floor, scraps with notes all over, it's a scene -- BF just now said, "you dropped a list." I burst out laughing and said, "which ONE?!!" ) Who knows. Maybe the Mystery of the Missing Mood Chart will be solved…(!)

[Curiosity77]

I finished my practicum today, so I'm back to my regular job on Monday. It was a week of training, but I graduated 3 years ago, so it was hard to go back to being treated like a student. I hated most of the practicum, it made feel frustrated and stupid. So I'm really glad it's over. My mood is kind of meh - not depressed, but not great either. Just kind of existing. At least it's the weekend now.

[frozen4now]

This is my first time entering a world that I have been in denial about for years. Unfortunately things have gotten to the point where I need to start getting help as it's effecting every area in my life. Not sure on how to fix anything or where to go from here!

[Moreta]

I got an industrial piercing and shoved some 10 gauge earrings into my bottom holes on my ears today. Man, my ears hurt. Felt like I was going to pass out when he did the piercing b/c it hurt so bad.

Other than that I'm fine today, except for the lack of motivation. I just sat around on the couch all morning watching Mythbusters. Finally, I brought my husband some lunch. He's taking his take home exam today, so he came to work to do it so he wouldn't be distracted. I think tonight we're going to a baseball game, b/c my husband got tickets from school. What fun. I hate baseball, it's so boring. I'd rather watch a basketball game any day rather than baseball.

[r010159]

I was starting to feel overwhelmed. Then I remembered I had not taken my medication. Now I feel better. I am still anxious.

[swheaton]

Mood is okay. Work seems to trigger anxiety. Now that I am home, I feel safe. Meet with my PCP to discuss meds.

[wildflowerchild25]

I'm pissed off that's what. I'm so angry with myself! I don't know wtf to do because the only ap I hAvent tried is zyprexa. I'm afraid I may be asked to take off work - threatened, actually.

[TheatreKid]

I flaked on someone today and feel really bad about it. I don't know what to do to make it better.

[SingDanceRunLife]

Today has been very up and down. I'm still in a mixed episode, though it is getting better. So while I was unable to watch a movie like I wanted and I felt really low at some points, I also got a lot of stuff done that would have never gotten done if I weren't a little "up."

[Standup2me]

Cutting down my Prozac dosage has me swinging all
over the place

[Roblovescats]

Been avoiding PC because I don't feel like anything is ever going to change for me. I just want to be alone and curl up. Where the @@@@ is some chocolate?

Sent from the dark side of the moon

[Curiosity77]

I went on 2 first dates today. The first guy was boring and a workaholic, and the second guy was pretty cool and edgy. But who knows, it was just a coffee, so i don't even know if i'll see him again. Dating is depressing. After the dates i went and saw a movie by myself. The the Smiths say "Life is really long when you're lonely," and i feel that way now. I keep trying to put myself out there, but it's hard. I would rather date another person with bipolar because i think we would understand each other better, but that might also be a disaster. I don't know if i'll ever get this right. Feeling clueless

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[sui generis]

The switch flicked last night and I've started to feel hypomanic. The quetiapine helps to control that at night and in the morning which is good; still getting my sleep!

I was actually thinking yesterday how much I hate being hypomanic (in hindsight) but then when I am, I really enjoy it I keep feeling this fuzzy feeling spreading through my veins, it's sooo pleasant. Thank god the quetiapine is starting to kick in though because I could really do without the irritability/elevation/anxiety part of hypomania.

[shortandcute]

As of this month, we have no income at all. My daughter was receiving survivor's benefits, which were to stop at 18. She turned 18 on May 1st. Well, many social security check are in arrears meaning the checks you get were for the month before like June's check is for May, etc. Which means we would have gotten one more check this month for the month of April. Well, I talked to them and they told me that since her birthday was May 1st, it really meant that her birthday was in April--and since they decided her birthday was in April, she was not eligible for that last check.

It didn't make any sense to me at all because when my son (now 26) was getting survivors benefits, his birthday really was in April but he still got the last check in May, because his birthday was so close to the end of the month. But, with my daughter, her birthday was in May, but they decided it was really April 30th, and now if you turn 18 at all in a certain month that's it! It was totally unexpected. I was going to get my daughter's birthday presents on the second and she was fine with that. I was going to get her something really nice and special and now I can't get her anything. I should have gotten her something last month.

There's no money for the bills or the mortgage or anything. My son has gotten some under the table jobs here and there, but nothing on a regular basis. He broke down crying last night. I have not heard anything back from disability, so I'm stuck. I want to get a job, but I don't know how that will work out. Especially, now that I'm in my 50's. They say there's no age discrimination, but there is. And I don't have much of a work history to speak of.

[Hbomb0903]

Spent the whole day holed up with my boyfriend. This is the first time he's really dealt with seeing me like this and I just feel at sea. Literally feel nucking futz. I was like this only 1 month ago. Maybe I was hypo when I came out of the depression and now what??? Unsure and a lot scared but hopeful that it will pass quickly. Worried a lot of people already though. :/

[Standup2me]

Listening to my budgies sign.

Soothes my soul

[wildflowerchild25]

I'm doing better today. Hypomanic as opposed to manic. I can focus better but the geodon is making me completely dumb. I don't know what to do as the only AP InhVent tried is zyprexa and I am afraid it will sedate me too much like Seroquel did.

[madrikh]

I think I'm a bit better today. Pdoc said stop the fetzima since it was worsening my depression. These damn meds!

[Curiosity77]

Feeling lonely and depressed today. It's pouring rain outside, and I feel the way it looks. Yesterday I was out all day pushing myself to be social and do things with my time. Today I've done absolutely nothing, and I don't feel up to doing anything either. I'm babysitting my nephew tonight, so I need to get organized to go over there soon. It's hard to be around family members and friends who are married with kids because it makes me feel even more alone and alienated. When I feel this way I want to stop all my meds and do something reckless to make this numbness go away. But I won't. I'll keep doing what is expected of me, because I don't know what else to do. It feels like every time I start to feel better I just slip back and I can't sustain it. I feel like I'm just complaining and creating my own problems out of nothing. I want to pack up my life and move to a new city and start again.

[tigersassy]

I've been taking lamictal for 2 weeks today at 25 mg. I'm supposed to start 50 mg tonight, but I'm kindda anxious because I noticed some welt looking things last night after my bath. The only problem is my wife and I weren't in normal surroundings this weekend so it could be a reaction to something there. Or it could be a heat rash with where its at. I'm keeping a close eye, I hope it isn't a reaction to the lamictal. I was hoping the lamictal would help.

Tig

[r010159]

I am full of anxiety today. I am having a head time because of my negative scary thoughts now that Adult Protection Services are involved. So far I have not been depressed. I talked my ex into letting my daughter stay with me to help with my mother. So I actually did something about my worries. I really have nothing to worry about except for some hassles. How come it does not feel that way?

[Hbomb0903]

Originally Posted by r010159

I am full of anxiety today. I am having a head time because of my negative scary thoughts now that Adult Protection Services are involved. So far I have not been depressed. I talked my ex into letting my daughter stay with me to help with my mother. So I actually did something about my worries. I really have nothing to worry about except for some hassles. How come it does not feel that way?

I wish I could answer that question for you and myself. It seems like the steps I take rarely turn out the way I hope, and I'm truly just at a loss. trying to be positive and do good things for others helps me.