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#176
May 05, 2014, 10:45 AM
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Stopped taking the lamictal on Friday and feel better than I did Saturday but the panicky feeling underlying it all it still here. I still feel scared. Still feel like I'm not on the level I need to be. Doctor on Wednesday. Hoping for the best.
__________________
Bipolar II - ADHD ~A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?~ Albert Einstein |
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#177
May 05, 2014, 11:19 AM
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Feeling a tad bit more optimistic today. Had a full day of activity with my husband yesterday, which has resulted in me being a little more encouraged about the possibility of me being able to work again. I actually took steps to apply to 2 paralegal jobs (full time) this morning. That may be overly ambitious (the full time aspect), but it what's been put on my plate so I'm going to go with it for now.
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#178
May 05, 2014, 12:27 PM
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Today is my birthday, and I am crashing. My husband is trying so hard to make it nice but he can't. No one can. There's nothing I want, or want to do today. I feel so empty.
__________________
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 Anonymous45023, shortandcute
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#179
May 05, 2014, 12:32 PM
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My sister's birthday was about a week and a half ago, and she had a hard time also. Her birthday is a very hard time for her.
__________________
"Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can see the top." -Wildflower http://missracgel.wixsite.com/bearhugs |
 charo224488
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#180
May 05, 2014, 12:43 PM
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Since I do not have any income right now, and my disability hasn't been decided on yet, I applied for state disability through the DSHS (welfare) office in my area. I still have to be examined by doctors--which is fine with me, but one of the clinics they are going to send me to is making me nervous. It was a clinic I went to before, and the doctor I saw there lied to the social security office about my case. That's one of the reasons I was denied disability. That's also the reason I don't go there anymore. I am really surprised that one doctor still has her license because she has done that to other people before. She took one kid off his heart medication, and told his mother that her son's condition was all in their heads and all he needed to do was drink more water! Well, needless to say, he ended up in the hospital a week or two later, and they were ready to call the CPS on this poor woman. So I'm really worried that I'm gonna be accused of malingering again because of this stupid doctor.
__________________
"Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can see the top." -Wildflower http://missracgel.wixsite.com/bearhugs |
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#181
May 05, 2014, 12:46 PM
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Like Rosanne Rozanna Danna used to say, "Ya know, it's always something. If it's not one thing, it's another." (sorry--I just couldn't resist)
__________________
"Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can see the top." -Wildflower http://missracgel.wixsite.com/bearhugs |
| Phoenix_1
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#182
May 05, 2014, 01:46 PM
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Mixed. I hate mixed.
Getting more and more manic ... Where's my Lithium? Sent from the dark side of the moon |
| charo224488, shortandcute
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#184
May 05, 2014, 10:30 PM
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Trying a new med, and still severely depressed. I'm going on vacation in 3 days, and am wondering how I will get through it if I still feel like this.
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sad&Bipolar Bipolar l WellbutrinXL Abilify Lorazepam PRN TMS alternative therapy 6/19/14 to 09/25/14 |
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#185
May 05, 2014, 11:33 PM
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Manic and almost having a good time tonight. Got so many chores done today. I guess it makes up for when I'm depressed and don't do a damn thing.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
"I would say any behavior that is not the status quo is interpreted as insanity, when, in fact, it might actually be enlightenment. Insanity is sorta in the eye of the beholder." - Chuck Palahniuk |
| Sad&Bipolar, shortandcute
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#186
May 06, 2014, 12:58 AM
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AHHHHH...great day!
Made a 20 minute trip in 8 minutes...I was running late for my appointment to sign up for classes. Played golf! Shopped at the mall...I bought a couple solid shirts! Had fun with a hitchhiker! Went back to the golf course and played golf some more! Remembered that I forgot to fill that new prescription the doc gave me...made another snail paced sprint to the pharmacy before it closed. Got there and found out it closes two hours later than when I arrived. Returned to the golf course...got bored after five holes and left. Went and got my prescription...didn't take it.   I'm here now...I'm gonna go on a late night stroll soon! OH! Plus I got a bloody nose today! F*****G DYNAMITE! |
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#187
May 06, 2014, 07:30 AM
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I feel like I just want to sleep sleep and sleep. I can't anymore. Im just laying here. There's things I must do, but I cringe at doing them. I feel pathetic.
__________________
Bipolar II - ADHD ~A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?~ Albert Einstein |
| Anonymous45023, charo224488, Curiosity77, shortandcute
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#188
May 06, 2014, 07:52 AM
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Doing a bit better everyday. The rash that I had noticed sunday night is completely gone. Makes me sure it wasn't the lamictal (nothing was changed dose wise). Will call pdoc in a bit to make sure he doesn't think I should see a dermatologist in case, hopefully I don't have to.
Tig
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PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin  |
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#189
May 06, 2014, 10:53 AM
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I feel like I just MAY be coming out of this depression ever so slightly. Not feeling quite so hopeless. Taking baby steps and not trying to dive into life too much for fear of it not producing over-abundant happiness (and then me being disappointed).
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#191
May 06, 2014, 04:00 PM
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It was snowing this morning.
Help me escape winter |
| PoorPrincess, shortandcute
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#192
May 06, 2014, 05:46 PM
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Decent day, up to 2, my thoughts are fine, I'm not panicked about anything, yet this anxiety and jitteriness makes it hard to feel peaceful.
__________________
Traveling west back toward Eden (interestingly the wise men in the Gospel account of Jesus' birth came from the East), has been full of confrontation with the trials and tribulations of living outside the Garden. She is an artist without doubt disappointed that paradise was not as close in 1969 as she and so many others hoped it was. Her work is now filled with the reality of humanity's failure to achieve the prophetic dream of her song, but never without the hope that that day will yet come. |
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#193
May 06, 2014, 07:57 PM
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Quote:
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| shortandcute
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#194
May 06, 2014, 08:47 PM
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Blah.
Sent from the dark side of the moon |
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#195
May 06, 2014, 09:24 PM
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I started out day agitated and an elevated mood. I had Adult Protection Services call to see results of the exterminators findings. I also had a nurse come over and evaluate my mothers health, asking me things like "Do you have a fire extinguisher" and noting my response.
I ended the day feeling OK. Now that my daughter is living with me, I am happier and this takes my mind off all this nonsense. Morass and mindlessness. Mindlessness and morass.
__________________
Bipolar II and GAD Venlafaxine, Lamotragine, Buspirone, Risperidone |
| swheaton
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#196
May 06, 2014, 09:49 PM
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Started the day agitated depressed and anxiety ridden. Went ahead and FORCED myself to do all the stupid tasks that were critically needing to be done. Felt much better about myself after said tasks were accomplished. Got my kiddos from school and loved on them and had dinner with a friend. Now I'm contemplating bed and hoping that tomorrow I feel better than I felt when I woke up today.
Oh one is a sickling, so he may have to stay home from school, but I miss them so I don't really mind if he does. Just have to go see pdoc tomorrow and discuss why I was fine for 4 weeks and then took a nose dive.
__________________
Bipolar II - ADHD ~A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?~ Albert Einstein |
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#197
May 07, 2014, 12:12 AM
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My day was pretty good. I had some insecurity and self-doubt, but I didn't get as obsessively stuck in it as I sometimes do. I had dinner with my Mom, which is always triggering for me, but today it went OK. She is still triggering, but instead of frustration I more felt sad that we are stuck in the same loops of conversation and behavior all the time. Now I'm just really tired, but kind of tired beyond the point of when I should go to sleep. It's only Tuesday and I feel like I need another weekend. Tired
__________________
"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
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#198
May 07, 2014, 12:51 AM
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Today was not good. Had bad news from my internist during my yearly physical. I am pretty upset. This is not helping my depression. When will things go right? I guess it's time to give up my goal of attaining wellness.
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sad&Bipolar Bipolar l WellbutrinXL Abilify Lorazepam PRN TMS alternative therapy 6/19/14 to 09/25/14 |
| Anonymous45023, charo224488, swheaton
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#199
May 07, 2014, 05:47 AM
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Energy pretty high today. In a negative way at work. Just barely managed to not explode in morning. (Banged head on table in lieu thereof.) Afternoon amplitude dialed down more towards just annoyance. Working motions were driven. Unto getting toasty. Amped driving home. Finally mellowed out. Took hours. Had bizarre (but amusing) conversation that wasn't.
 Filled in mood chart (had lost) from notebook then added info (from before started re-charting) garnered from posts. Finished. And exclaimed, "Holy crap on a cracker!" No wonder BF suggested that I needed to start charting again(!)  Yeah…. I knew he was right before he even said it... |
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