[tigersassy]

I know this is the weekend, and not many people are on, but I need someone to understand. My wife doesn't, my therapist is on vacation. Why does this happen. I'm lost I don't know what to do. I'm afraid my wife is turning into my mother she said the same thing my mother says "no that didn't happen". I know it ****ing happened why do you keep saying it didn't? I'm not ****ing crazy. I don't know what to do. I want to crawl into a corner and rock and pull my hair out at the temples. I want the thoughts to stop. I can't do this. I need out. What if there is no help for me? What if there isn't anything anyone can do? What if this is all my life will ever be? Distrust and lies. I tell my wife I'm fine and nothing is wrong. I can't tell her the truth. She wouldn't believe me anyway. I can't make the thoughts stop and I'm feeling desperate. I don't know what to do. I'm lost.... help!??

Tig

Tig I'm here, I'm listening. I know sometimes I remember stuff and my husband won't and will try to tell me it didn't happen but I know it did.

tigersassy, I don't have any wise words, but just know that we're thinking of you and hoping the best for your relationship with your wife.

[Curiosity77]

Hugs

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[tigersassy]

I just don't know. Should I trust my memory or trust her? Or should I write it off as insanity? Should I talk to drs? Am I just being paranoid maybe this is all just a hallucination. I don't know what to do. Wondering if hospital is in order not that I could go now family is coming over and I must be normal.

Tig

What is it you are remembering?

[tigersassy]

Its stupid stuff. Like she ate more than 4 fudge pops. Shes saying she only had 2-3. Or the crap shes been saying. Random stupid crap.

Tig

Maybe try to take a walk and let it go? Do you have an mp3 or ipod? Do something to distract from your thoughts?

[Trippin2.0]

Don't allow your wife's fudge pop consumption to drive you to madness.

She probably doesn't wano to admit how many she had if she's remembering it 2 or3 instead of fixed number like you do...

I know and understand that this isn't thee issue here for you, and I can feel your distress emanating through my screen.

So my advice?

Let the fixation on the fudge pops go, it doesn't matter in the grander scheme of things, you have enough to deal with besides her fudge pop consumption.

Have you tried good ole distraction?

Sounds too simple at times but when my head is just wayyy too busy to keep up with I put on headphones and drown out the majority of it with some magical metal music.

Its not a cure, but any type of reprieve is a winner in my book.

[BipolaRNurse]

Sometimes I think people are making up stuff or denying that something happened just to screw with my head and take advantage of my (admittedly) faulty memory. But then, I'm kinda paranoid like that.....don't know if that's what's going on with you, but you certainly have my sympathies!

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by tigersassy

Its stupid stuff. Like she ate more than 4 fudge pops. Shes saying she only had 2-3. Or the crap shes been saying. Random stupid crap.

Tig

Hi Tig....I can relate but almost backwards....a situation would happen and my ex would get mad because he said he told me about it, or that it was going to happen etc. (this happened with two ex's, actually...talk about feeling paranoid!) I'd say, no, you didn't tell me and they would insist they did. I would insist right back and we'd end up in an argument with me doubting my sanity. Finally, I was able to prove to both, that what they thought they had told me, they only THOUGHT OF TELLING ME....they hadn't really followed through. Eventually, both agreed, but it was crazy making, I'll tell you.

I agree....if you can take a walk and clear your head, do so, it's very helpful. I walked a LOT when that was happening. Fact is, it wasn't that important, but making me doubt my sanity (and my memory) WAS important...as usual, I lost sight of what was really happening....the BPD went into full swing.

Take deep breaths, long strides and try not to let her get to you.

[tigersassy]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

Sometimes I think people are making up stuff or denying that something happened just to screw with my head and take advantage of my (admittedly) faulty memory. But then, I'm kinda paranoid like that.....don't know if that's what's going on with you, but you certainly have my sympathies!

Yeah. Thats exactly it. I feel like shes doing it on purpose.

Tig

[tigersassy]

I can't get it out of my head. Distraction isn't working. And its making everything worse. The bad thing is I know that this isn't a "big"deal. But it is. And I can't make it stop. Fml.

Tig

If it's a big deal to you, then it's a big deal. I'm sorry you can't get distract from it. Can you talk to your wife about it, that it's really bothering you? It's getting kind of late, have the visitors left? do you have something for anxiety you could take and go on to bed?

[tigersassy]

I took all my night time meds 2 and a half hours ago and should be asleep. I'm trying to wind down still. As far as anxiety med wise I took a dose with my nightly meds. I can't talk to my wife about it because then she'll say shes just like everyone else. And paint me as the bad guy.

Tig

[Standup2me]

Nurse, I find the same thing

I am sometimes sure that BF does it for fun (to him)

[tigersassy]

Its still here. I can't make it stop. Its racing thoughts of the negative side. I'm so over this. My anxiety is up because of it and I can't slow it down or make it stop. I know this is over reaction, but that knowing doesn't make it stop. I'm at a loss. Whats wrong with me?

Tig

[r010159]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Don't allow your wife's fudge pop consumption to drive you to madness.

She probably doesn't wano to admit how many she had if she's remembering it 2 or3 instead of fixed number like you do...

I know and understand that this isn't thee issue here for you, and I can feel your distress emanating through my screen.

So my advice?

Let the fixation on the fudge pops go, it doesn't matter in the grander scheme of things, you have enough to deal with besides her fudge pop consumption.

Have you tried good ole distraction?

Sounds too simple at times but when my head is just wayyy too busy to keep up with I put on headphones and drown out the majority of it with some magical metal music.

Its not a cure, but any type of reprieve is a winner in my book.

This is exactly what I would do if I was in the same situation.

Tig,
For me, racing negative thoughts are usually related to being in a mixed episode and what helps me is the addition of a antipsychotic or an increase if I am already taking one. I would call your pdoc tomorrow and let them know what is happening. I'll be honest,back in the fall when I was in an episode I needed a break from my thoughts so I would take my klonopin and zone out on the couch, I did this until I could see my dr again and we did another med change. I did at least 2 med changes between Oct and Jan to get stable.

[Trippin2.0]

Take a knock out pill.

Your mind needs to slow down and you need a break from the chaos that's residing in your head.

Some deep AP induced sleep should give you a break and hopefully help your brain push the "reset" button.

When all else fails, I opt for a self induced coma.

They prescribe us tranqulizers for a reason

[tigersassy]

I don't have a knock out pill I can take. I will call pdoc in morning maybe.... He's still trying to adjust me on lamictal. I'm only on 25 mg for another 8 days or so.
I don't want this... wife read my journal and this morning when she finally got up painted me the bad guy. Yes I said you were turning into my mother because you accuse me of lieing about something so trivial and expect me to admit that i'm wrong. I'm not wrong i'm not lieing and it hurts that that's what you want. Fml

Tig

[swheaton]

I go thru the same, sometimes. All I can offer you is a supportive shoulder and a hug

[moremi]

I do believe that my family feels like they can say things happened or didnt happen and try to make me believe it did or didnt happen. They can do this bc of my memory problems. So I do think at times theey take advantage of it. Especially my kids. They will ask if they can do certain things and if I say no they will say but last week you told me I could go. So I do think our loved ones do use it to their advantage. Your wife probably did eat 4, but doesnt want to admit it as she could be embarrassed do she says it was only 2. Do you have an anti anxiety prn med? Try that if you have it. It seems you are getting anxiety from the situation and she doesnt realize how our minds work.

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Yeah it will take patience on your part re:the lamictal since you have to go slow. I'm sorry your wife isn't being understanding, that's got to be tough. (((hugs))) You know sometimes I use benadryl to make me drowsy, maybe that would work for you?

[tigersassy]

I don't want to just sleep. Thats what my problem is. Maybe I do just need to sleep. Get drugged into oblivion and I'd feel better. But I don't want to be like that. like my family. Family is mostly drug users or alcoholics. I don't want that. But maybe its the only way to feel better.

Tig