[wachiki92]

For me it was that I have the same diagnosis as my birth mother- but shes bipolar I where im bipolar II. she is an evil woman and my sisters and I went through hell. Ive never wanted anything in common with her at all. sometimes I have seen her in myself and my actions. Thats something that has always scared me. The relationships ive severed or had to rekindle come in at a close second though.

[Hedwig3.0]

Discrimination. I am a white male from an upper middle class family. The only discrimination I have received is from being mentally ill. But I gotta say it opened my eyes to other things people deal with.

[Curiosity77]

Feeling like I am years behind where I should be in life because going undiagnosed and untreated for so long. I can never catch up. It's only been since my diagnosis that the patterns in my life have become evident. Things could have been so different if I had known what was wrong in my teens and 20s.

Knowing that it was forever and that there was no cure.

[Victoria'smom]

I think when I first got my DX I cried because I was right. I knew around 13 I had bipolar. The idea that my dream job could not accommodate to my mental illness was the hardest to deal with. The fact that I continued to try and get a degree in my career goal instead of just a general degree I regret. Especially when no one then or now will sign off on my ability to work.

[OutlawedSpirit]

I think the hardest part was knowing I was going to be chained to medication forever.

[Nightside of Eden]

It would save me typing if you asked what parts are NOT impossibly hard to accept, lol.

That my fiance has the same problems I do, despite me initially thinking he would be the voice of sanity in my life.
That I'm forever chained to the very medical establishment I so despise.
That despite all my problem-solving skills, I can't fix this.

[wildflowerchild25]

It was extremely difficult and still is to ask for help. I'm very independent and like to do everything myself but if I'm depressed it is SO hard.

I also hate the irritAbility that comes with both sides of the spectrum for me. I hate being so mean and snapping at my husband and son. I'm trying to work on anger management.

[wildflowerchild25]

And fwiw I'm still in the process of accepting the severity of my condition. It's hard. Something I plan to discuss during IOP.

[Nightside of Eden]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

And fwiw I'm still in the process of accepting the severity of my condition. It's hard. Something I plan to discuss during IOP.

I don't actually accept it either. I'm cognitively aware of it, but I hate it and want it to go away.

[shortandcute]

I fear that people are gonna think I'm using it as an excuse. I also get so frustrated that I wasn't diagnosed with it sooner.

[ceejae]

I did not have trouble coming to terms with the diagnosis. in fact, I was glad to get a diagnosis so I finally knew what was wrong with me and why I acted differently than other people did.

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by Curiosity77

Feeling like I am years behind where I should be in life because going undiagnosed and untreated for so long. I can never catch up. It's only been since my diagnosis that the patterns in my life have become evident. Things could have been so different if I had known what was wrong in my teens and 20s.

Yes. THIS. ^^

I was 53 when I was diagnosed, even though looking back over my life, I've probably had BP since I was very young. That's a long time to go without proper treatment, and I'm convinced that's why it's so damned difficult to deal with now.

I also hate the fact that this illness is "forever", that I will have to take medications and go to doctors and be in the mental health system for the rest of my life. Granted, the 'rest of my life' isn't as many years as some of you have to look forward to, but geriatric psychiatry is still a very new field and they haven't worked the bugs out yet, so I'm not thrilled about becoming a senior citizen with mental illness.

[BlackSheep79]

Originally Posted by wachiki92

For me it was that I have the same diagnosis as my birth mother- but shes bipolar I where im bipolar II. she is an evil woman and my sisters and I went through hell. Ive never wanted anything in common with her at all. sometimes I have seen her in myself and my actions. Thats something that has always scared me. The relationships ive severed or had to rekindle come in at a close second though.

The worst part for me was I felt like it was a death sentence. I was misdiagnosed for 12 years and it was a relief at first, but then I realized I had to deal with this the rest of my life. I had already been dealing with OCD for my entire life. I know my next comment might be offensive but this is my decision. The other part is the choice of not having children which just kills me inside. Not only because of the genetic portion, but I can't even take care of myself, so how can I take care of a child. I don't want to explode verbally and scar my child. I've also had to apologize so many times for my actions. I was originally diagnosed as depressed at age 15 and was put on SSRIs which as many of you know causes mania which is what happened to me. I would explode on a daily basis at home and caused so much pain, especially to my sister. My mother and I do not have a close relation due to the past even though I have apologized over and over again. You just can't make everyone understand mental illness.

[Capriciousness]

That my well being and my experience of being myself is entirely dependent on medication. That and that big scary word FOREVER.

I'm in the same place, curiousity.

Being diagnosed later in life makes me so angry. I would have gone for a degree in English. I would have already been published and have a string of books istead of only five. My post partum depression was so severe that they took my son away when he was six weeks old. I couldn't stand the crying and would yell at him.

Those of you who have been diagnosed early on are lucky. You might take issue with this, but you have been saved years of the sad and dangerous life of the unmedicated bipolar. Street drugs and alcohol were the only things that could calm me. Once I was so drunk I fell out of a speeding car and fractured my skull and broke my ear drum. It was only through the grace of my ever present angels that I didn't get run over as well.

Bad choices in lifestyle and in men made life a living hell. And I am always a little bit jealous when people in here talk about their families. I might have chosen a decent man and have grandchildren and relatives that did not deny my very existence.

So I am right there with you, girl. It's impossible to make up for those lost years. All I can do now is take my meds, do my work and try to find friends that would be okay if I disclosed.

You are my family now.

[redbandit]

Originally Posted by Curiosity77

Feeling like I am years behind where I should be in life because going undiagnosed and untreated for so long. I can never catch up. It's only been since my diagnosis that the patterns in my life have become evident. Things could have been so different if I had known what was wrong in my teens and 20s.

YES! I am still in my 20s, but I feel like I could have been sooo much further in life by now.

On the opposite perspective, I think sometimes (ok, maybe a lot) I use being bipolar as an excuse to myself. Might sound strange, but I look at someone else doing something I wish I could do, and I think "well they probably are more stable, and don't have all these other health issues too." I think that my diagnosis overall just explained what I already knew; I knew I had it years before the dr ever mentioned it. Sometimes it just helps me feel better than I know WHY I struggle so much. If that makes any sense.

Originally Posted by BlackSheep79

The worst part for me was I felt like it was a death sentence. I was misdiagnosed for 12 years and it was a relief at first, but then I realized I had to deal with this the rest of my life. I had already been dealing with OCD for my entire life. I know my next comment might be offensive but this is my decision. The other part is the choice of not having children which just kills me inside. Not only because of the genetic portion, but I can't even take care of myself, so how can I take care of a child. I don't want to explode verbally and scar my child. I've also had to apologize so many times for my actions. I was originally diagnosed as depressed at age 15 and was put on SSRIs which as many of you know causes mania which is what happened to me. I would explode on a daily basis at home and caused so much pain, especially to my sister. My mother and I do not have a close relation due to the past even though I have apologized over and over again. You just can't make everyone understand mental illness.

Interesting! I have said many times through the years, only around my family i.e. parents and brothers, was that I didn't know how or couldn't take care of myself properly so I didn't want to father a child into my screwed up world. I guess that's why I always backed away from relationships getting serious and having marriage and children discussions. I only stuck in with the relationships for hot sex during my spazzed out (I like that word because I had a coworker in the early 90's that always said I "spazzed" out) mania runs. They always eventually ran me off. Those were the times prior to me being diagnosed.

[r010159]

I looked forward to my diagnosis. There was much in my life that did not make sense about my behavior. I think this is what helped me to have low self-esteem.

[Espurr1989]

I am still new to this and in the process of getting my diagnosis in place, but so far the hardest part has been admitting to myself and those around me that, after all the years I spent studying psychology in college, a psychotic break could actually happen to me and admitting that I actually lost control of proper brain function. The other thing is getting used to medication. I don't mind taking it everyday since I am used to taking birth control each day and I know it's for my own good, but the side effects of being sleepy all the time and not being able to focus and not being as quick as I used to be. Being "smart" and a "good student" have always been a big part of my identity, since I am not "hot" or well-dressed and I've never really been athletic. But at least I can still feed the psychology part of my identity, even if my grades slip. I hope to blog and write about Bipolar after I get my own situation figured out.

[Teacake]

Only diagnosis is PTSD. I dont mind having it. Trauma is a natural part of life. Dealing with PTSD is a natural part of growing up. I do mind the stereotypes. The ignorance surrounding mental illness in general and PTSD on particular is hurtful.

Its not a diagnosis but I am also afflicted with giftedness. It hurts me more that PTSD. There's no cure.

[moremi]

I think the hardest parts are that its a lifelong illness and I have no control of myself at times. I cant stand not being in control its the reason I never liked drinking alcohol. So at 29 when I forst had a manic episode and it was like I was in the passenger seat of my life it was very difficult for me. Also the guilt of things I have done and people I have lost and basically building and destroying myself over and over and knowing it will never end is where I am struggling now.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

[Skitz13]

When I was diagnosed I was relieved, scared, and embarrassed. I know the stigma attached to it, like all mental illnesses and I felt hopeless because I knew it was forever.

However, I've also been diagnosed with PTSD and BPD. I have a pdoc that I've just started seeing and she won't even give me a diagnosis now and is just treating the "symptoms" which is frustrating.
I'm a nurse and have been conditioned to believe that you need a diagnosis to treat.

So now...I'm so confused I have no idea what's going on anymore

[HoneyBack]

Knowing I will always have this illness and I can't give my husband and children the life I wanted to. Somehow I have to let my expectations go and embrace this life.

[Dix888]

my father had this, too but wasn't diag. until I was (I was 46, he was in his 70s) He could go from being the most fascinating person on earth (he was an explorer, a mountain & a glacier are named after him) to being hateful. Told me over & over to kill myself, beat me. But then switched back & would say I was a genius & to never listen to him. SO confusing

But the worst thing about this is that I had so much promise but didn't live up to it. I was a "child prodigy." Reading well at 4 years old, started 1st grade age 4. Wrote a book when I was 5. Teachers & other adults always telling me "you'll go far, you're so creative, so bright." And I got 3 bachelor's degrees. But couldn't finish master's level degree. Drifted from job to job. Have a good marriage but we are struggling due to me having to quit work b/c I just couldn't handle the noise, stress, etc.

Originally Posted by wachiki92

For me it was that I have the same diagnosis as my birth mother- but shes bipolar I where im bipolar II. she is an evil woman and my sisters and I went through hell. Ive never wanted anything in common with her at all. sometimes I have seen her in myself and my actions. Thats something that has always scared me. The relationships ive severed or had to rekindle come in at a close second though.